Having a wobble-ette - one month after finishing

Public Archive
1

Hello to anyone reading this.

First of all I would say you might find it a bit depressing so if you are feeling down I’d skip it.

Secondly, apologies for writing it but I just have to get it all out! … I have an urgent need to expel it …

On the medical front … this is going very well. Skin is lovely (following rads) and had a liver-eco which looked clear and am awaiting the results of blood test and x-ray but not worried and feel good - physical exam went fine. I KNOW I AM LUCKY.

However - have been very fed up this week for several reasons - quite frankly I have turned a bit of a corner and realise that most of them may be self-inflicted to an extent but these are my moans - pathetic that they are …

HAIR - I was so lucky to sort-of-keep it but it is now growing very differently. It is going through different stages and I have got over the euphoria of “I look like a normal person - whooppee!” … I am now at “I’m not sure i want to look like this thanks” Worse - I’m not sure what it does look like - should I grow it? what on earth would it look like? it’s not easy having a completely different barnet at the age of 48. One week I love it and then the next I hate it - as it is growing it looks completely different each week. Also - the wavi-ness seems to be very weather-related - on damp days it is far curlier.

AGE - I was 47 when this started but looked 40 - no-one could believe my age - am now 48 and look well over 50 - if not 55. My “look” has aged 10 -15 years in one. Frankly OH doesn’t look too hot either - poor chap.

WEIGHT - Oddly enough I would say I put on about 10lbs-ish during chemo. My BIG MISTAKE was thinking of chemo as the “bad guy” and radio as the “good”. Radio was a total nightmare and as a result I put on more weight.

CLOTHES - Nothing fits - everything is about one and a half sizes too small - I am not buying bigger ones

SINCE FINISHING - Once I finished the period from hell I had a few good days (still needed kips) and then someone very close to us was very ill and that took over our lives for a week or 2 so it’s just been pressure pressure and even more pressure.

HAD A BIG LOW

Got really fed up and looked in the mirror and thought " who on earth is that?" - it just doesn’t look like me - as I said to Lily2000 I look like a distant relative of my mother …

It’s a bit like going for a makeover with a blindfold on and coming out looking like someone you’ve never seen before - it is completely disorientating

HAVING SAID ALL THAT
I think the only thing I can do is make an effort - I have tried going for walks the last 2 days and I do feel a lot better. I have somehow got to get the old me back.
Going for a long walk wasn;t possible for me on chemo as it made me feel ill and on radio I just didn’t have the energy - it knocked the stuffing out of me

so having really done b*gger all for 11 months - and looking like it - I have realised that really I am not at the end of treatment but more at the beginning of recuperation - and I have to make some significant changes to get back to how I used to be within the new limitations arising as a result of BC

so in one sense I feel I have turned a corner today but i do feel like it’s a big job ahead

also, the house is a bit of a tip (have started tidying) and also stil have a shedload of work to do (running our own business througout - AND STILL IN THE CLOSET!)

I did wonder who had guessed but someone (an almost friend who is quite nosy) gave me a pep talk the other day and suggested I looked far older than my years, should dye my hair and wear something more modern - she’ll never know how lucky she is that she doesn’t need to get implants herself - of the dental variety!

I think that triggered off my deprssed patch - it was an honest reflection of the deterioration of my appearance …

anyway - it all feels like a bt of a challenge … but doable … if i can do chemo then …

if anyone else feels the same I’d love to hear from you … or anyone who doesn’t!

lots of love FB xx

2

Heck, you sound an ugly bugger, so look on the bright side the only way is up, and from what you have said in your case, Up-UP-UP. I do know what you mean. i am 59 and people think i am about early fifty’s and i went through chemo/rads big time, i looked awful but as time moves on you will possibly end up as good looking as i do now. how about that then. take care.

3

Fiz

I have no words of wisdom really but just want you to know I am thinking of you and sending BIG HUGS.

Some things you have said ring a bell with me. We do have to learn with the new us!!! I lost weight but have put on about 1/2 stone in the last month - putting it down to being menopausal (I know I am menopausal - chemo induced) - and I dont like it!!

I went to a psychologist - for loads of other stuff barr the cancer, and that made a huge difference. I am now attending an 8 week course called Mindfulness - which is building on stuff the psychologist started with me - its the same person running the course. Its all about living in the present - not the past, and not the future - and learning different ways to do this - it is making a difference. Do they do anything like that where you are?

I know when I put on make up and dress up a wee bit I feel heaps better - also had my hair dyed for the first time in my life a few weeks ago - not drastically different but different enough - also made me feel better.

I have been punishing myself (not deliberately), since last op, and have expected my body to get back to normal strenght and stamina, but have just realised that I am doing myself no good. As you say, treatment might be finished, but we are just starting another journey - altho I dont think we will ever get back to ‘normal’ - whatever that may be.

Anyway, enough babble
Sending loads of love
Am sure others will be along with words of wisdom
S
xxxxx

4

I have no words of wisdom for you Fizbix,just so sorry about how you are feeling.I feel the same regarding hair,weight and looking way older than 46.I try to avoid mirrors as much as possible lol.Then I feel guilty for feeling like this and it starts all over again.Up and down and up again emotions all over the place.

sending you best wishes mellx

5

Oh Fiz hunny - I’m so sorry you’re having a wobblet - was bound to happen though, after all you’ve been through. You’ve managed to keep us all amused, one way or another, throughout all of your treatment with your reflections on life as you knew it.

I, like the rest, don’t have too many words of wisdom. My experience, (whilst at times having mirrored your own, as you no doubt remember), has it would seem, been the complete opposite to yours. I’m still having treatment - herceptin till next June but obviously it is nowhere near as harsh as the chemo/.rads etc.

I was never in the closet - people knew from day 2 what was going on. I was completely bald within 2 wks of starting chemo and went everywhere with a bald head so it was kind of hard to miss haha. Now, just over a year since dx, I currently have hair that is about an inch long - dead straight on top and kind of wavy at the back - and which shoots in which ever direction it pleases, regardless of how much gel/wax/clay etc etc i rub in it.

It’s my hair that is probably my only problem - I hate it, I preferred it when it was a grade 1 or 2 - in fact hubby asked me tonight when I was going to clipper his hair - my answer was - when you do mine!!

I was 46 at dx - and looked…46 on a good day! I’m 47 now, and probably look mid-40’s. For some reason (and I honestly don’t know what that reason is) I have lost over 2 stone in the last 3 - 4 months and gone from a size 16/18 to a size 10/12. That coupled with the punk hairstyle keeps encouraging people to tell me that I look sooooooooooo much younger. These changes have given me so much more confidence that I had even pre dx - I wear different clothes now, and I know I am forever looking in mirrors and shop windows - and feeling slightly smug (sorry!).

I exercise more (not too sure about Ben Nevis 2010 though haha) - and I feel so much fitter. I’m in a different job now - my job at dx was a fixed term contract which ran out 10 days before I was declared fit for work - so I was unemployed. I was previously a HR manager in the NHS - and now I’m a sub-editor and office manager for a forestry magazine - complete change of career direction!!

If anything, I think my dx made me take stock very early on. I honestly believed, following the initial ‘Yes I’m afraid it is cancer Margaret…’ conversation - that my days were numbered, and I would be lucky to see the end of 2007 - never mind 2008. It completely changed my perspective on life - and how I should live it.
Don’t get me wrong - I haven’t turned into some complete health freak determined to never have a days illness again - I still (much to my shame) smoke, and I still enjoy the odd (very large) vodka and coke. But it made me realise that there was no point sweating the things I couldn’t change - and that I had to live my life for today - not tomorrow, or yesterday.

My house is still a muddled old tip that gets the once over and hoovered if visitors are coming - other than that I tidy when I feel like it, not every morning (sometimes not even every day haha), I cook tea if I feel like it (and if I don’t feel like it hubby has to go to chippy/chinese etc etc - and accepts this). I’m still trying to renovate my house (as you’ll remember from the early days haha) - one room left to go - and I’ll get there…sometime.

You are right though Fiz - it IS a challenge. But you are also right that’s it’s do-able. I know we’ve never met, but we’ve cyber spoken enough for me to know that, in your heart of hearts, you know you will get there. You’ll rise to the challenge - and overcome it, with your usual wry take on life. But you’ll only do it when you’re ready to, whether that’s tomorrow, or next week or in the new year - but you will do it.

Good luck Fiz - keep us posted on this thread so we can see how you’re getting on - we’ll all be here to support you.

Love

Magz xxxxx

6

hope you picked up on my sense of humour? we all have our fears and different issues to contend with, it’s a journey like no other, thats’s why i try to extract the urine out of the whole sad situation some times, it’s like my way of saying up yours cancer, you are not getting me, (you nasty little cell) ZAP.
X

7

Fiz - I’m not on here as much as I used to, but I followed you through a lot of your treatment. You may or may not recall I was a stubourn little madam and soldiered on going back to work 2 weeks after surgery and worked right through rads, 2 hours less than a normal day to fit in rads - then went back full time the day after my final rads session. I was of the opinion that because I just had a ‘little’ cancer (I now learnt that 16mm is actually not that little for a tumour) and becuase I did not have chemo then I was not really ill …I was never in the closet and I was never in denial, I was well aware of the fact that I had cancer, I just wouldn’t lie down and be a poorly person, by going to work and being strong and brave and amazing etc I was a normal person for 95% of the time and a cancer patient just when I was in the hospital, boobs out and arms above my head being zapped by Mr Rads.

Looking back I think perhaps I was a bit too determined not to ‘give in’ … I also realise now that the end of treatment is not the end of the journey and it may have been prudent to give myself a bit of time to re-charge my batteries and recouperate a bit.

As the others have said you have been through a hell of a lot, and staying in the closet must have made it so much harder, you need time to ‘get back to normal’ and get over all the crap that you have been through.

I think we all have a little wobble every now and then … you will get there, just takes a bit of time.

Love Lilac

8

Fiz…

you managed to stay in the closet… in that case I’m sorry but I can’t give you my sympathy because there’s no way on earth after 6 rounds of chemo and my surgery that I could keep up pretences. What gave it away I’d have to say, the rather reduced clevage, the lack of any hair whatsoever (no eyebrows by the end) or was it the fact that I kept running away every 3 weeks screaming… KEEP AWAY you might have some bacteria near you.

Congrats on managing to stay in the closet.

But on a serious note I think you’re right about starting recovery. I was warned right at the start that the end of treatment is the half way point, and in a lot of ways the lowest point as you’ve been cut, poisoned, burnt and left to pick up the pieces. It sounds so harsh doesn’t it. But I know you’re made of strong stuff as I’ve seen your wicked sense of humour which I think should be nurtured.

I’m sure you’ll pick up the pieces and make something wonderful.

Lots of love

Angie

9

Hi Fiz

I think we all think that at the end of chemo, rads, etc that thats it our treatment is over and we can just return to our old way of life. I know for me it was a shock to the system to realise this wasnt going to happen over night and I would probably never return to the life I had before dx. This is not as bad as I thought it would be I dont waste time worrying about things I cannot change and I put more effort in the things that I can. I have joined weight watchers and have managed to lose half a stone - makes me feels Im back in control since every tablet I take says side effect weight gain ARRHHH. I had long hair at the start of this journey which was Auburn, Im now a mousy brown with lots of grey skinhead. I am often getting compliments on how my hair suits me short but when I look in the mirror its not me thats looking back. I have started swimming again I only go once a week and I have returned to work 3 sessions a week all of which leaves me absolutely knackered. Another example of what I could do before and cant do now, but hey Im still here and apart from looking and feeling 20 years older things are not too bad really. I have just had the anniversary of finding my lump and that was quite hard it affected me far more than I though it would - have you had this time or is it coming up?

You are such a fabulous person who has always something funny to add and a wonderful generous nature, give yourself a break and without telling you to wallow in self pity think about how much you have been through especially in the closet so you havent had the support of friends and family in the same way that we have had.

Have you had the break you were promising yourself and OH, its sounds like now would be a good time.

Love and hugs

Karen

XX

10

Hi wobbly FB,
hope I didn’t make you worse by being excited about my hair being back! I think it must be a lot of added pressure when people don’t know, as you probably were expected to do as much as normal and therefore did more than you should have. Plus you missed out on all the hugs, cards, flowers, offers of help etc from people you know.
So is the hair really worse than the toilet brush stage, you so elequently described? The curls and waves will probably go as your hair gets longer and therefore heavier. My hairdresser has dealt with a lot of post chemo hair and told me to keep it short for quite a while to thicken and settle down. Snipping the pointed new ends off made it lay much flatter, the organic dye also changed it massively and made it much silkier and manageable. She also told me to by finishing cream/lotion to put on it - she used Nicky Clarke but i could only find Umbertto products in my shop. They work really well too. So get off to a hairdresser and ask for advice/rescue. I hope mine has not gone bonkers tomorrow to serve me right for trying to give advice on hair!!! Like the other H thread where everyone lost H. Those were the days.
Def buy bigger clothes as that will make you look slimmer if not bursting open. Cut the sizes off if it bothers you, I do.

I wonder if you are missing the camaraderie that we have while on treatment. Helping others and being helped is a very positive thing and makes you feel part of a big family. Maybe even missing the female company of others who can read you like a book without you having to say too much.
You have finished, you did your time so you can make plans now, what would you like to do now? A holiday next year perhaps?
Time to take a deep breath and jump back into life old friend. Prison sentence is over!
Love
Lily x x

11

hi fiz
im a new visitor and had most of the same before i started my chemo i found i was pregnant which really upset me and my husband as we had been trying 4 so long 4 this third baby and to make it worse we had to terminate. i have had 2 lots of chemo. which made me so ill i had to stay in hospital 4 a few days as it made my legs give up on me.
Then had a mastectomy and lymphnode clearence. i then had 15 shots of radio which knocked the stuffing out of me.
Then moved home 60 miles away form family to a strange place and had to start our lives all over again. the only people we know were we are now is my sister and brother in law.

It is all so different new doctors new hospital no faces that i know.

I am on herceptin at the moment and have been for a year now I was told at my old hospital that i will have it for life.
The new hospital is only got me down for another 6 shots and im left feeling SO WHAT NEXT if they stop it the cancer will come back

I have had terrible trouble with my hair it was long and stright before all of this and now it is just like a load of straw and really curly it like i have 2 hiar styles going on. its straight at the top and sides but curly and out of control at the back.

AND WEIGHT well i was a size 14 before all of this and now im a size 18 and i hate it cant find any thing to wear and just feel like a scarecrow most of the time

But life just has to go on as i have three kids that are still at school and need me all day and night my husband helps me as much as he can but sometimes everything is just to much.
I am 39 and feel like im 50 and i hate looking in the mirror as i dont like the person that i see looking back at me. as it is’nt the me that i once knew
and feel the same WILL THE OLD ME EVER COME BACK

I also still have very bad days im like jekyl an hyde 1min ok the next in a bad mood just want the old me back

I think you have done a great job looking after yourself and keeping a brave face and being strong so keep smilling and keep your chin up and keep up the good work

brenda
ps sorry if i ranted on a bit

12

Aw, Fiz, everything you say rings so true. Be kind to yourself, girl - it’s only been a month! It is no mean feat to deal with the trials and tribulations of this whole horrid ordeal, let alone whilst staying in the closet AND working. Do you still want to remain in the closet, or do you still need to? I am just worried that it places an uneccesary strain on you.

I fully agree with everything you’ve said about image and identity. I feel like I’m really superficial worrying about the physical things that get me down - the weight gain, the baldness and then demented hair growth (for some reason my hairline decided to grow back starting on the back half of my head, kind of extra high forehead, Queen Elizabeth I style - nice!), lab tested rabbit eyes without eyelashes or eyebrows (which decided to fall out two months after chemo finished - grrr). I feel that I shouldn’t give a monkey’s about these things which may seem trite in the light of my diagnosis. But the fact of the matter is that when I look in the mirror and see my new porky face and interesting hair growth I get a a permanent reminder of where I’m at and what I have been going through. No amount of artfully applied eyeliner is going to kid me that this hasn’t happened, regardless of whether people don’t notice the absence of lashes. It is very hard when people encourage us to return to “normality” when we have metamorphosed into something that isn’t normal for us. It’s hard to forget when a new identity stares you in the face each day. What you are going through is perfectly normal. I find that counselling is a good fourm for discussing these issues.

As I said before, you need to be kind to yourself. I do think that you need some pampering, hon. Any chace of a holiday/break any time soon? You’ve done a marvellous job of keeping this all under wraps, but you deserve some treats. I make a point of treating myself now cos the strain, lack of sleep and physical toll of this treatment is so draining. I can’t remember where you live but perhaps a day at a spa would be a good start. Therapists will advise on which treatments are suitable but most facials are ok, manicures, pedicures and some forms of massage. Treat yourself to some sweet smelling and nourishing face oils to rejuvenate your skin.

Ok, hair. I don’t know what to suggest really - you are speaking to the female version of Max Branning at the mo. I have heard that the first 6cm is usually different growth anyway, if that helps. Some hairdressing advice, as suggested, may be worth a shot. Even with short hair it’s amazing what a pair of scissors can do. It sounds like you need some form of a style cut into it so that it will train the grow (if you know what I mean). Have you tried Frizz Ease or anti-humidity products?

It’s gonna take a while for your energy levels to recover, but it’s great that you are getting into it gently with the walks. Perhaps when you feel more energetic a dance class might be a cool way to burn some caloires whilst having fun. I do agree with Lily about buying a couple of of larger items of clothing just so that you can be comfortable in the short term. I too was loathe to buy larger clothes but I finally bought a pair of jeans (3 sizes larger and in a baggy boyfriend style with big belt - think Katy Holmes etc) and some long, chunky or floaty cardies - at least I’m not bursting out of my clothes and the layering is slimming and I look good in them. I fully intend to get back into my old wardrobe, though.

As for your friend, hmmm. She narrowly avoided that slap. I would be tempted to create an elaborate story which favours you, naturally…why not? My brother has a neurological condition which affects his walk. I noticed recently that now when people (rudely) ask him what’s wrong with his legs he says “I got bitten by a shark”! End of.

Anyway, hope you feel better for wobbling and can start to plan some nice things.

xxx

13

Fiz, hope you’re feeling a bit better today. I must say that I laughed at your post. Not all of it, mind, but some of it. I felt exactly as you did, especially the hair bit. I felt guilty moaning to people about it and I knew they thought I was being very petty, but I haven’t got the hair I had and want!!

And yes, when I look in the mirror I see my grandmother looking back at me.

And yes, I’ve put weight on and everyone says how well I look and then next time they say I look better than last time because I looked really poorly.

What made me laugh out loud was when you said about your almost friend “she’ll never know how lucky she is that she doesn’t need to get implants herself - of the dental variety!” hahaha.

For all of you, if the cleaning is too much (I can’t physically do much as I have bony mets and little energy and that’s my excuse and I intend to milk it for all it’s worth) get a cleaner if it’s at all doable. I’m on higher rate dla and the £15 a week for 2 hours is money very well spent on my cleaning lady (she only asked for £12!) I got rid of all clutter and the house is now very low maintenance.

Good luck to us all.
Maureen xx

14

Hi Fiz

It’s ok to wobble. Looking at the "new " you is bound to put a strain on things.

I hated having my photo taken for a new ID badge a month after treatment (it wasn’t me)

Four months later the hair is still unrully (but has been trimmed 3 times) definitely more curly in the damp. It’s growing back a different colour and i’m very much a punk / modern style. The comments from work are very encouraging but it has been a struggle.

Are you able to find a friend and go to somewhere with a personal shopper to help you see what suits the new hair. Would also recommend making friends with a sympathetic sales assistant attached to one of the make up stands in a department store and go and talk to them about moisturisers / make up. Definitely feel this is the time you could do with the equivalent of looking good feeling good to help adjust to the new image.

Can echo Granny Scouse , I’m just about to phone a cleanimng agency. This should allow me some time to do the things I enjoy like picking up the golden leaves.

Hope today’s better. Let us know how it goes.

Crispy

15

Hello

Just saw the post and thought that I would reply.

Firstly I was diagnosed 5 years ago and been on Tamoxifen for 4 1/2 years.I was 45 when I was diagnosed.
Everything you have said I could identify with. During my treatment I would (when I had the energy) walk to the shop for the papers and, as my husband would say “frighten the locals” . I looked awful and my coloured hair had returned to grey, I had put weight due to comfort eating. Constant heartburn and constipation caused me real pain!!!. It was a very unpleasant time.
I remember walking with my husband one Sunday afternoon and some young girls walked up behind and said “can’t they walk any faster” I held my tongue, they weren’t worth it!!

I went to a luxurious hotel for my in-laws 50th wedding anniversary during radiotherphy and the pictures of me, when I was included in the photos were pretty horrendous. Its something I had noticed at the time that I wasn’t included in many photographs, Perhaps people felt sorry for me, I have always remembered that.

Anyway during this time I discovered WATER, I had always been a coffee and tea drinker and not drunk much water on its own. I drink at least 1 litre of water a day and do you know when I compare photos taken of me 10 years ago with current I do look a lot better, my skin is so much better. I still have the spare tyres(they are my best friends) walking helps, too much exercise kills me, hair is coloured again, no more constipation and minimum heartburn.
I don’t know but perhaps once you have got over the shock of treatment and things begin to return to a bit of normality as best it can, you can begin to get build your life back to the way it was or better. I think that I make more of an effort now, look after me a little bit more and learn to say no if you want to.

I can certainly remember those days, they were pretty bleak at times.

Take care to all

Hazel

16

Hi, wobbly Fizbix,
Yup, all finished too and identified sooo much with what you had to say. I keep saying I feel 10 years older.

I can’t possibly imagine how you have managed to keep your illness in the closet. It’s bad enough when people know.

If it’s any help, this is what I have done since finishing rads, and I do feel much, much closer to myself, even though this damn disease seems to have turned me into a different person in my head IYSWIM. Anyway:
Dug out my weightwatchers stuff and started on the road to losing 2 stone (11 pounds off now and feeling MUCH better)
Bought 2 pairs comfy, trendy shoes for work (flats that I can slip off under desk as my feet hurt pretty much 24/7)
Tried on every item in my wardrobe and hid everything that didn’t fit; threw away everything that didn’t look acceptable over my 1.5 tits
Went to a Halloween party dressed to kill (was a sexy witch - good excuse for long black wig!) and had hubby’s mate (who hubby hadn’t seen for years) telling me I’m ‘Bloody gorgeous’ all evening
Treated myself to some makeup and accessories to look a bit more girly, even with my lovely chemo crop
Kept up taking plenty of good-quality antioxidant vitamins and co-enzyme Q10
Splashed out on some ‘lifting and firming’ face cream to help my face snap back into shape after the steroid stodge.

Anyway, that lot’s not very scientific but at least I seem to have given up my daily sob, so that’s a start and maybe there’s something there that made you smile?

With your hair, if it’s still short, get some waterproof hair gel for damp days. It will look gelled but, trust me, if a pint of lager over the head doesn’t shift it (Long story. I’m a punk.) then it will be just dandy in a bit of drizzle. It’s a b****r to get out, though. Basically, you have to get it to slide off in a sea of conditioner.

What about going on one of those ‘Look Good, Feel Great’ days, or maybe ‘getting your colours done’? I think you can still get your colours done free if you have clubcard vouchers from that supermarket that says every little helps.

Anyway, I agree that we are, right now, right at the start of recuperation. Now the really nasty, urgent stuff is over we should keep on giving ourselves the TLC we need.
Take care.
a
x

17

Well ladies - what can I say ? - thank you all so much for all your lovely comments and kind words - I just couldn’t believe it when I logged on today.

I have been laughing and crying reading them - what stars you all are! I have never read posts so slowly - I have been studying every word.

It’s just so good to know I’m not alone in this position and it’s so obvious reading it all that the bottom line is that I’ve got to allow more time for me and the things and people important to me. Work has always come first and it’s just got to stop.

There is so much useful advice and words of wisdom in these few posts that I am going to print them out and carry them with me as reminders … they really are an amazing collection - it’s quite blown me away - what a powerful group we are

On another topic …

You know how sometimes something funny can just pop into your head? Well, I’ve just remembered the CLASSIC “wrong thing to say” that was offered as helpful input by my gp …

When I found out I had BC I was naturally upset - not about the cancer but because I was convinced I would end up bald and fat - and he said to me - “no don’t worry about that - if you are lucky you might be very sick and not be able to eat much and you could lose a lot of weight …” … can you believe it … a DOCTOR!!!

I haven’t been on my walk yet today so I’m going to do it now - and have a good glass of water when I come back …

Today I did a very naughty thing for me - I didn’t set the alarm clock - people on here have been telling me to chuck it out the window for months - being 100% honest it wasn’t through choice - it broke … should have listened - what sort of a nutter sets the alarm through chemo and radio to do work ?- had to laugh though - a customer phoned up and I was in bed asleep - not a pretty sight - have to say they were none the wiser which was a tad worrying - “do I always sound like I’ve just woken up”, I thought … on a more positive note the hair looks the same pre,post and during bed - it’s unsquashable … was grateful that video phones are not very common yet though! Am going to consider all your hair comments very carefully … it would clealry be a good idea to chuck out all the volumising products I have been depending on for years

Well - I’m off for my walk now and feeling so much better ladies - words can’t really express how grateful I am for all your support. I am overwhelmed …

lots of love and a big fat KISS love FB Xx

18

Fiz…your away out for a walk at this time of night??? I have been in my pj’s since 7!!! But then I do live in Scotland!!

Glad to read your feeling a bit better and know your not alone. The old Fiz will come back as has the old me!!! - In fact, through counselling etc I think its a new improved me (minus 1 boob anyway!!).

You take good care and keep climbing that mountain
Love
S
xxxx

19

hi Fiz

Volumising shampoo on my growing hair makes it dull, lifeless and flat. Only way i can have the wash and go hair which sticks up is a ketaconazole shampoo. Quite strange cos I’ve always had dead flat ,fine straight hair.

Would echo the sentiment about some firming and tightening face cream (I use mine on my neck as well). Forgot to use it for a few days and the haggard me returned.

Certainly worth evaluating work, like you i worked through treatment and even changed jobs but have in the last month ensured that there is a balance and am reaping the benefits.

Anyway greetings enjoy your day or is it night where you are now?

Crispy

20

hi fiz

I feel exactly the same about the hair thing and it not being me looking back at me in the mirror… I avoid mirrors and photgraphs like the plague… just have the bathroom one that i will look in so i know vaguely what i look like.