Hi everyone
I dont know about you but i,ve been thinking about death to much lately. Dont get me wrong i,m not frightened, in fact i wonder why i,m not frightened. I read an awful lot of books on after life and they are a comfort to me . Since being told i,m terminal i suppose i,m preparing myself. I,m very frightened for my family , i love them so much and hope they will be ok one day. I look at dying as a huge adventure and hope i will see all the loved ones that have gone. I get very annoyed with people lately in fact i have written letters to my brothers whom i dislike, they have treated me awful , last year my 2nd eldest brother slapped me across the face because i went round to comfort my mum when she lost her little dog , it got run over , the lady next door took it for a walk because i asked her to because my mum is86 and couldn,t walk it anymore , the collar broke and he ran on to the road and was killed , my brother blamed me for interfering. Then my eldest brother who never helps my mum in anyway sent me an email and said i am a goody 2 shoes and i am sad , he said he never wants to see me again . I cant believe my family can be so cruel when they know i,m not going to be here much longer . MY mother said i should forgive , but i cant , i have prayed to GOd to help me forgive them . Friends that i have known for years dont phone me as much and my brother in law and his wife have never sent a bunch of flowers a card or asked if we need anything in 9 years , whats wrong with people , sometimes i think i,m better off going , i get so disapointed. I sometimes feel so alone i feel as if i.m the only one in my family and friends with cancer . Everyone else is well and happy . Oh dear i hope i dont sound as if i,m feeling sorry for myself . Take care lol x
Hi Carol, I’m sorry your brothers are like that with you. At such a traumatic time we need positivity and comfort, not family turning away from us. How could it possibly be your fault that the lead broke? I admire how you can talk about death as an adventure. I’m not sure I could do that, well not yet anyway. I haven’t had to face what you have. I have just finished chemo, starting rads and tamoxifen and so far so good. I too have found that some family and friends have turned away, they don’t know how to deal with it. How the bloody hell do they think WE deal with it! I’ve got a really lovely OH, children and mum and a small but fantastically supportive group of friends, I count myself very lucky. Also, the friends on these forums are terrific, there’s always someone who understands and you can rant to your hearts content, which I have done, often! Feeling sorry for yourself is par for the course, then one day you get up and you feel just that little bit better, things don’t look quite so bad. We’re always here for you on this forum, you’re not alone. love and hugs Pat x
hi Carol
So sorry for your trouble, especially with the family.
I think that they just get fed up with it all and it’s easier to push us away that know what to say or how to behave in such a dificult situation.
Hope that here is comfort and peace for you whether everyone comes to thier senses or not.
Love
Jane x
carol,
i am glad you are finding some comfort by reading, I would like to do the same but I think my reading is going off in a slightly different direction, reading alot about people suffering and how they dealt with it, I also have secondaries,
I can’t believe your brother slapped your face, thats awful and you sont want anything to do with anyone who could be violent or who could be cruel like your other brother. people can be so insensitive and awful, its really only good good friends who can help is what i have found, I hope things are going ok for you medically at the moment.
cathyx
Hi Carol I’m so shocked your brother slapped your face…I can’t believe it…so shocking. Can I ask you which books have helped you? I don’t think I believe in an afterlife…I would like too though.
Are you still going on holiday soon? Hope your ribs have healed now.
Take Care…Love Belinda…x.x.
You can’t chose your family, can you? I am not surprised that you find it hard to forgive your brothers. Their behaviour sounds dreadful.
Re forgiveness, I too have found this very difficult. Sometimes old hurts can stick in the heart no matter how much you want to shift them. But there is one book that did help me a lot on this. It’s called The Shack. Can’t remember who it is by but you can find it on Amazon. It has a strong Christian slant so won’t rock everybody’s boat but some may find it interesting.
Deirdre
If anyone would like a free brand new copy of the Shack I have one. Someone who should know better thought I needed it as she’s worried I’m going to die an atheist. (I am.) A book not to my taste but someone might like it.
Jane
As a convinced Christian, I too have read the Shack. It’s an odd book, to my mind, but maybe with some useful ideas. Much more helpful, for many people I speak to, are books about others’ experiences of communication with those who have died. Not exactly mainstream Christian stuff, but fits with my philosophy that there are many ways to God, and that no single faith group has all the answers.
Sass xx
Life is strange but people are even stranger!
When I was told that I had cancer (stage IV), everyone was devastated and rushed to be with me because itv was pretty bad. As I responded to treatment, some people seemed to think that I had been ‘cured’ or at least it helped them to think so. In some ways this is great but in other ways, it feels very weird as I know that I am nonetheless, stuck with this disease. I even get told off by some people for not visiting or keeping in touch whereas just 18 months ago, there was a ‘hotline’ running so that everyone could check that I hadn’t suddenly gone too far downhill!
18 months ago, I could forgive everyone for everything- it was amazing. Now that I have a fairly ‘normal’ life again, I feel anger again too. Why shouldn’t you feel some anger? I’m not sure I could forgive your brothers if they were mine- I wouldn’t expect you to be able to. I’m pretty sure I would feel angry with them, particularly the one who slapped you (I’d have been tempted to thump him back personally!).
Still, our illness must affect others too. Grief and feeling uncomfortable can cause others to lash out unpredictably at times (I’d never condone physical responses though). They must know there is something wrong with us (so perhaps they should only treat us with respect and love), yet still find things that really irritate them about us as people! So, they probably feel really guilty and irritated by this complex mix of emotions that they must feel about us. Equally, it’s hard to know that people still get irritated by things we still do!
If I were you, I’d look for the other things in your life that you can feel grateful for. You can’t control or ever be prepared for the actions of others but there is still a lot of good around. If one day, you can see the good in your brothers, you may be able to forgive them again. But they have some work to do! Don’t beat yourself up and think you have to do the work here.