Help...I'm going mad!

Help…I’m going mad!

Help…I’m going mad! Hi Girls

I don’t often have a rant and moan, but I feel this week as if I am going around the bend…

I had my Aunties funeral last week and I have been going around to see my Uncle who is very sad. Last night I walked Ben and Ollie (my dogs) round to his house, now granted I wasnt feeling great at the time, but he kept going on about the big C and during the night that was all I could think about. I think that because people see me as ‘normal’ now they forget that I only finished chemo 4 months ago.

Does anyone else get REALLY sick and tired of bc, I am sick to the back teeth with the b***** illness…there…Ive swore now!!! I have forgot what my life and its little aches and pains were all about, all I can think about when Im low is this stupid breast cancer! Sometimes I think , Oh heck just bring it on and lets get it over with, (Im crying as Im typing that because I really don’t mean it…

My neck aches, my feet and knees are locked in the morning, my head hurts and now my arms and fingers ache, yes, yes, yes Im feeling sorry for myself. I get so sick of smiling and making other people (family and friends) feel ok, Im sick of rude, uncaring people who think its ok to blank you, and I think Im sick of myself and the mess Ive made for myself. I know that Ive caused me to have this illness with the way that I think that I am supermum/person, and Im not.

I have to now wipe my eyes, put a smile on and go into work as though nothing is wrong, I suppose thats life.

Sorry everyone…
Debbie x

Hang on in There Hi Debbie

Rang you this morning but missed you sorry you are down at the moment ring me if you want to talk. (I don’t want to push you)
You are never alone remember BOLTON !!

Sending you LOTS of HUGS
Janet xxx

Not alone Hi Debbie - remember you are not alone only the people on this site can really know how you feel - don’t try to be strong all the time you will only make yourself worse! I know from experience - I tried that too (my chemo finished in Mid Feb - came back to work early march and tried to be ‘normal’ - what the hell is ‘normal’ anyhow!!! - I’m now having counselling through work (work for NHS) and its a godsend - everyone else thinks you are ok but inside you will never be the same as you were - you have to accept that and try to make each day as happy as it can be! - you’ll always worry (so I’m told) in case it comes back but you have to try to accept that you can’t have any control over what’s in the future!! - If I can be of any more help please let me know
Take care of yourself
Clemy XX

Thank you… To Janet & Clemy

Thank you so much for your replies…I will maybe think of starting some kind of help, but I’m not sure if I want to go back to the chemo ward to have it (at Whiston), so maybe I’ll ask my GP to be referred.

Much, much love Debbie xx

PS Janet I will call you tomorrow as Im off work

Piccies!!! Hi Janet

Jamie (my son) has just managed to get a piccie on my profile, I then went to show him your picture and noticed that you’ve put another on on, it’s beautiful!!!

Love Debbie x

Which Superhero are you? Hi Debbie

Just thougt I’d ask the question. Problem is, we are always trying to be Super Everything! And that’s what people expect from us. Some of it is our own fault but, at times like these it’s hard to step back and tell our friends and family that we are feeling lousy and need a bit of TLC ourselves.

You and I are going through much the same thing. I’m back at work now and everyone thinks I’m ‘cured’ and ‘back to normal’. And because they are more comfortable with that ‘me’, that’s the ‘me’ I pretend to be! Does that make sense? (It also ryhmes - multi tasking)

Funnily enough my sister (in Bolton) who hasn’t had bc is complaining of all the same things! All her family take her for granted. And only call her when they want something. And never consider whether she’s tired or needs a rest from babysitting etc. And I think it’s because that’s the role she’s chosen to take on.

So what I’m trying to say is, we need to stand up for ourselves. Tell your loved ones you are tired/feeling down/worried/unloved etc etc.Stop trying to be strong all the time. (I’m talking to myself here as well as you!).

Be kind to yourself. Take the pressure off. Be selfish. Have some fun. Have coffee with JanS.

Love and hugs

JanD (AW) x

Oh so right! Hi JanD

Thank you so much for your thoughts…you are so right about everything mentioned. When we are talking to other girls we are also talking to ourself, its sometimes as comfort to know that others know JUST how you feel.

Have a good day!!
(Im going for one of these bone density scans to day to Liverpool so Ill let you all know the procedure for that one!


Debbie xx

Hi Debbie Noticed you wrote something in your original post about knowing yu caused this illness by wanting to be supermum. Just wanted to say that none of us cause our breast cancer and our personalities certainly have nothing whatsoever to do with it.

The time after treatment finishes is hard and remains hard but I think it does get better (2 years now since I finished my treatment.)

Don’t be hard on yourself…you will have up days as well as down days.

very best wishes