Help-Mums home and I don’t think I can cope…
Help-Mums home and I don’t think I can cope… My mum had her double mastectomy on the 16th March (the hardest day and longest day of my life!) but she is doing so well, we saw her that night and she was so good and within days she was up zooming round the ward!
However, the ward had a bug on it and to avoid her being infected she was early discharged under the care of a special team who’ll visit. I am very relieved and glad she’s home so she won’t get ill but scared…
I am scared that something will go wrong - I know 999 takes seconds to call but what if it does??
Also I am not coping - I am here for a week to help keep my dad company but I have taken a week off to be his skivvy. Since she has been in hospital he hasn’t done anything to help get the house ready etc and when we went to get her he begrudged having to carry her bag expecting me to carry it (he has back trouble but there is only so much I can carry). When we got home he didn’t so much as make a cup of tea - I cleaned the house, changed where she’ll sleep - Made dinner, fed the dog, walked the dog twice, visited neighbours so they knew she was home, washed up, did 2 lots of washing and then when I asked him to pass me her pills to take to her, he went mad!!
I know he’s upset and worried but I can’t do this on my own - I am only here for a week what happens when I go - Will he help her then - Will the house be so dirty she’s safer in hospital - Will she end up hurting herself doing this for him anyway!!
I’ve felt on the verge of tears and pure anger/rage all day and all my sister says is be nicer - He will do it. I don’t want to nag him or give him stress (worry he’ll have a heart attack) does anyone know if our ‘Family in crisis’ can get any help?
Sorry to moan!
For Ilovemymum Hello there,
I’m sorry to hear you’re so upset. I think it may help you if you phone the BCC helpline. Here you will be given some practical advice on how to cope with your problems and how best to help your mum. The number to ring is 0808 800 6000 the lines are open Monday to Friday 9am - 5pm and Saturdays 9am - 2pm.
You don’t say where your sister is, could she not help you as well so you could share the care of your mum and help you support your dad?
I hope this helps.
Kind regards,
BCC Host
By the time you have to leave your Mum will be able to do pottering jobs so if your father wants to eat and have clean clothes he will HAVE to take on the rest- he’ll probably want to survive so is likely to bite the bullet.
Will your Mum chase him up to do the chores which she can’t do?
With any luck, so long as your Mum is not a saint, she’ll get stroppy when recovering [good sign]. This should shock your Dad into action!
Wait and see how it goes. Just remember your parents have been interacting for longer than you can remember - but don’t let your Dad unload his share of domestic stuff onto you.
So don’t worry and wait to see how parents sort themselves out. best wishes, dilly
Hello Lovely Daughter!
I totally agree with Dilly on this, your dad is a responsible adult and should be able to look after himself, your mum needs to rest in a tranquil atmosphere to make the best recovery. When your dad is hungry he will make something to eat, he may even have to learn how to use the washing machine!
Don’t worry about your mum falling ill at home, she will be very well cared for by the district nurses and/or breast care nurses who are available 24/7 at the end of a phone number which they will give you. In the evenings and at weekends they operate an out of hours service which you can access quickly, my daughter does this to earn extra cash while she is doing her nursing degree.
These ladies will give you and your mum lots of practical help, advice and emotional support. They came every day to me for three weeks after my op and were a godsend. Ask them to have a word with your dad about what your mum should be doing so that you don’t have to get into a confrontation with him.
I think as long as your mum’s personal needs are attended to and she is well fed it doesn’t matter if the house is a bit untidy/dusty.
Nobody should be a “skivvy” within a family, everyone should contribute to the running of the house - why doesn’t your sister take the dog out or change the bed? You will need to tell
your dad and sister how they can help you or else they will think you are coping and leave it all to you. Use a rota system if necessary so that everyone knows what they must do and when.
You must look after yourself emotionally and physically - you say you are only home for a week - are you away at college? You will not be able to manage your studies if you are exhausted.
I hope I don’t sound bossy, I brought up a son who has autism and he had to do chores in the house,he learned to cook and iron his own shirts, it enabled him to gain full independence, go to university and now live away from home.
With love,
Lollypop
As usual Ladies - Thank you! Thank you for your advice and kind words and no none of you sound bossy!
Its nice to hear I am not being selfish or mean to him - I think mum had a word with him when I was out with the dog today as I met up with a friend for lunch as needed to get out and I came back and the washing had been put out and dishwasher switched on - Harrah!!
Was talking to my friend today and she said the same as you - Chill out and stop trying to take on the world - Spend time with your mum not the hoover!!
So stuff it - We’ll muddle through!
My sister is 4.5hrs away hence she’s not here as much as me i’m 2hrs away and if only I was young enough to be at Uni i’m 28 and moved with my job last May (Typical this happens after squatting in the nest for all these years!!) my company and especially my bosses have been absolute stars letting me have time off at a moments notice .
I’m just going to TRY to chill - Make sure I do what I can do and hopefully he’ll learn to pick things up as we go along and I won’t worry I am falling out with him!! (My parents mean the world to me and don’t want him to think I love her more than him - God i sound like i’m the parent!!)
Thanks again - As I’ve said before your all amazing!!!