dont know if im doing this right its my first time but could do with someone being there at the other end to make me feel less alone.
Hi Clarins,
You are not alone sweetheart - I’m so sorry you have been diagnosed with this horrible disease. How are you doing? I’m here if you want to talk about it. Jacqui xx
yes you did it right.
on this site you are never alone, whatever you are going through we are here for you. Ask any questions you have, and have a good old rant if you need to.
Love Lilac
Hi there
You are certainly not alone lovely we will all understand how you are feeling scared lost and alone, we have all been there. It does help to talk about it, we are here to help when you are ready.
Ann xx
Hi Clarins,
Don’t feel alone now, there are so many ladies on this site who have been through the same as you and are ready to chat and advise and share their experiences.
Hang on in there. We look forward to hearing more from you.
Margaret
I feel glad to have found this site and maybe in the darkest hours this is the tonic I will need to get me through. I would also like to hear from anyone who has to go through chemo first and then operation.
I feel like you a nurturing a demon everyday by washing and drying it. Does anyone else feel like this, Im sure it must be better to have it all taken away as soon as possible.
I feel better already, Im reading all your kind words through floods of tears. I feel weekends the worse especially when I have a bad panic attack like today. thank you all so much for replying to me.
Hang in there Clarins,
All the ladies on this site are such a godsend. I find myself in floods sometimes but reading some of the post makes you laugh out loud…some are so very funny…It’s a good tonic and already I have forged some lovely relationship with people who really know what we are going through.
I had mastectomy first and now on chemo but a good friend of mine was the other way round like you. Sometimes they like to decrease the size of lump so that they can get clear margins in the surgery. Just remember that everyone is different but everyone has the same thoughts and feelings irrelevent of their diagnosis so keep chatting…you are not alone
Lots of love Hayley xx
Hi Clarins,
I had chemo first followed by surgery (the medical term for it is neo-adjuvant treatment). I know how you feel about having to live with the tumour - I hated it with every bone in my body and some more, but wanted to have chemo first in case there were any micro cells in the rest of my body then at least the chemo would be attacking them. I also wanted to see if the chemo would shrink the tumour enough to allow me to have a lumpectomy instead of a mastectomy - in the end it wasn’t to be. I know you are in a horrible place at the moment Clarins - you can only take one step at a time, deal with each part of your treatment one step at a time. I had a horrible habit of putting everything together and finding it so overwhelming that I ended up having massive panic attacks. In the end, I decided to break it down and just deal with one thing at a time. I am here to hold your hand through every part of your treatment. I had so many lovely ladies support me when I was first diagnosed (Dec '07). I felt that the only people who truly understood what I was going through were the people who had either gone through or were going through the same experience. A big hug from me to you Clarins.
I didn’t have chemo before surgery as my lump was small enuff to take out at the diagnosis stage, as I had no lymph nodes involved I was spared the chemo afterwards and just went in for a hefty 29 sessions of radiotherapy.
However, I can understand what you mean about wanting it out asap, once my lump was out I was so relieved. Having said that I know that they use chemo to shrink tumours and if this is what they have opted to do with you then there will be a good reason for it. I understand that if tumours are quite large they may not be easily removed, or indeed just the size of them and the tissue margins they would be removing may end up with you having a very sizable amount of your breast taken away.
I’m sure there will be loads of lovely ladies on who will be able to advise on the chemo side of things, all I can say is we all get through whatever treatment they throw at us… it’s not always easy and there are times when we just want it all to go away, generally at these times we have a little rant or a paddy and moan to all and sundry - the best place to do that is here! - but then we dry out eyes and grit our teeth and jump back into the treatment plan and battle on, fighting with all our might to defeat that demon that is called cancer.
Have you spoken with the breast care nurse at your unit? They are brilliant and are a life line for many ladies. The helpline on here is also excellant I understand. I once used the email the nurse facility to clarify something and one of the nurses called me within days and not only answered the question I had asked but a whole host of things I hadn’t even thought of.
Might be an idea for you to give a bit more detail of your case, just how old you are, what chemo you are going to be having etc and others who have had similar will be able to share some of their experiences with you. Also, if you put down where abouts you are (just the general area) and what hospital you are attending it’s possible there will be someone being treated at the same place … somehow that actually does make a difference, you might not actually ever meet up with them but just knowing that someone else is going through the same door as you once in a while sort of makes it less like you are on your own.
I wish you all the best with your treatment - keep in touch with us and you will get loads of support.
Hi ciarins
It sounds like you’re having a pretty tough time at the moment. As well as the support you are receiving from your fellow forum users it may help to talk in confidence to someone from the BCC helpline. Here you are able share your worries and concerns with one of our trained members of staff who will offer you a ‘listening ear’ as well as support and advice if required. The number to call is free phone 0808 800 6000 and the lines are open Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm and Saturdays 9am to 2pm. The helpline is here to support you so please use it if you think it will help.
Kind regards
Sam
BCC Facilitator
Thanks to everyone for your lovely words . Im 44years old and live in Colchester if there is anyone newly diagnosed and is attentending Essex county i would love to hear from you.
Im finding that I have lost all my confidence, and now feel unable to even leave the house. I havent been to work since I started my chemo and havent been able to face anyone yet, does anyone have tips on how to overcome these fears before they become any worse.
apart from driving miles away to park up and go for a walk the only trips I make are to the hospital.
I think you need to get some help now before the problem gets out of hand. Speak with your breast care nurse and tell her you are unable to face people and that how desperately low you are.
Love Lilac
thanks lilac
I have been to see someone at the hospital and Im going to see her again next week. I just need the courage to get outside with this wig, I have done it a few times but I feel everyone knows its a wig, and going out with a scarf iis just not an option for me right now. I also have a relaxation tape given to me by the hospital that i use 2 times a day, I just need to gather the strengh to get out of this dark place.
I can’t equate with the wig thing cos I didn’t have chemo … but I suppose to an extent it is like when you 1st get glasses and think everyone on the bus is looking at you. The 1st time is the hardest - hope you manage to get the courage to bite the bullet and get out and about.
hi, I know exactly what you mean about the wig. for me a scarf was not an option either. You will get used to it but it does take time. I started off by wearing a hat on top, then I put sun glasses on and now I dont even think about it. Rarely do I get anyone really looking at me but I just do not make eye contact with people in the street. Just give it time and it will get easier.
Lynda x
hi again, slowly my eyelashes have thinned a bit but seem shorter as well but still able to get some mascara on them and the eyebrows are very thin but as i am fair thye were hardly noticeable but I am a dab hand now with the eyebrow pencil. Will have to see how thin the eye lashes get have been meaning to see about false ones. I am on the TACT trial so 4 x epi and 4 courses of CMF. the first one has caused my hair to fall out but I have had the CMF 2 weeks ago and hair is starting to make a reappearance.
Its the hair that will go first the rest departs much slower - except the hair at bottom of legs - typical
Lynda
do many people manage to work through their chemo ?
morning Clarins
how are you feeling today? have read through your thread here and wanted to offer you some support and a virtual hug
we are in this together and am so glad you took the chance to post how you were feeling
chemo is really horrible, but it is do-able esp if taken a treatment at a time
one down, one to go…
I had chemo first too…and just had surgery on Wednesday of last week
but prior to that had 6 treatments…4 of AC and 2 of Taxotare
work is really different for each of us
some find that work is distracting and helps
others cannot even think about it
I hope you are feeling better about yourself
you are sooooooooooooooo not alone girl
hugs
Emily
xxx