Help!

Hi girls,

I’m in a real state. I was told yesterday that I would need a mastecomy an that they wouldn’t look at reconstruction until disease was gone. I’ve been told that the whole process will take up 9 months to complete. My mastectomy is not booked in until the 7th August so I get to go on holiday first…every cloud i suppose. Suddenly though I’m worrying what I’ll look like and how on earth my hubby will ever fancy me again. An at last the tears have come so I’m typing with them running down my face. I’m normally strong, and have no choice because I have two small children 3 an 5 so I know I’ll snap out of it, but it’s time for me to talk to people who’ve been there and done that and who can relate to how I feel instead of trying to imagine how I feel because no matter how my family try they can never understand what this is like.
Big cyber hugs to all of you who read this, the forums a great help to get things into perspective.
xxxxxxxxx

Hi momathome,

I’m so sorry you’ve had to join us but ‘welcome’ to this most awesome site. Rest assured we all totally understand how you are feeling right now. I was diagnosed with bc in march last year, age 34. I had a right mastectomy and total axillary node clearance a week after diagnosis so, like you, had v.little time to get my head round things. I knew v.little about bc prior to diagnosis and it was a VERY steep learning curve for me and those closest to me.

The thought of what I was going to look like after the mastectomy horrified me. I imagined I was gonna look like some sort of freak show and that my boyfriend would never fancy me again. Like you I was not able to have an immed recon so I knew that I was gonna be one boob down for quite some time. In fact, I can’t even have my recon 'til a year after my rads which will be Dec at the earliest.

Before I went for my surgery, myself and my OH went on the internet to look at pictures of women post mastectomy. I wanted us both to be prepared for what I was going to look like, but to be honest I think it scared me even more at the time. I just wasn’t ready for it, and I realise now. The day I had my mastectomy I was distraught, and as my trolley was being wheeled down to theatre I was crying my eyes out. My OH was holding my hand and being really supportive. I just felt that I was going to sleep as one person and was going to wake up as someone completely different. It was like I was never gonna be ‘me’ again. I cried right 'til the time I was put to sleep pretty much!

When I came round though I found I was nowhere near as scared as I thought I’d be. Strangely I felt an enormous sense of relief. I was so glad that the tumour had been removed that I began to feel that losing a boob was a small price to pay. Of course I was gutted, but at the same time I was relieved. Prior to the op I thought I defo would not be able to look at myself afterwards, but actually I found that I was able to look at the scar really soon after. It was just a long, neat scar, covered by a dressing, and I had 2 drains in. It wasn’t until I got home 5 days later that my OH got a chance to look at the scar. I needed help changing my dressing and he was only too happy. I think it made him feel needed, if you know what I mean. Thankfully he was totally unfazed by the whole thing, and I was so grateful for his positive reaction.

I recovered from the op really quickly, largely thanks to the ‘exercises after breast surgery’ booklet I got from this site and took into hosp with me. I went home with a ‘softie’ which my bcn gave me and, once the scar had settled, I was fitted for my proper prosthesis.

I really hope that helps. All the very best for your op on the 7th, if you need any hospital ‘top tips’ then just say the word!

Take care and be sure to keep in touch,

Kelly
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Hi

Sorry to see you on here my thoughts are with you both.

Although i didnt have mastectomy i have pretty bad scarring and as I only started dating my boyfriend a month before diagnosis I too was scared about how he would react.

But I must admit he has been fantastic tells me I look beautiful as I am its the person he loves not how I look even without hair in fact he prefers me bald to wearing my wig.

But I think it me thats got the problem with it I dont feel sexy any more but try to compensate that with buying loads of undies and girly things like earings and junk jewelery I wear my make up more and tend to dress up more. I suppose because when I awake in the morning in jammies and catch a quick glance at myself I look like a wee bald man. But once dressed there no mistaking me for a WOMAN LOL. And as Im going for a breast tissue removal and reconstruction next year after treatment which is my choice I have something to look forward too.( Going from C to DD).

So way I look at it now is im in the crysalis stage and next year will emerge as a beautiful butterfly with new boobs and new hair do. Bring it on.

Joanne

Girls I’m rubbish at this! I’ve just typed a whole message to you both and then somehow lost it…waaaggghhhh!!!
Anyway, thanks ever so for your comments. I don’t think I’ll ever stop worrying about what it looks like cos the offending lump is quite far back in my boob so I’m afraid i’ll end up not only without a boob but concave into the bargain. Hey ho, if they get rid of the cancer then that’s the main thing eh.
Kelly I can really relate to your experience and I think I’ll be exactly the same on the way to theatre, I just hope they put me first on the list so I don’t have to worry all day before it happens.
Joanne, I laughed when I read your comment about looking like a wee bald man, clearly I think I’ll look similar to that, just need a nice dirty brown overcoat to complete the look!! Still, I feel I’m a long way off the wig thing, so much more to get over first. I have to go an have some pre-op tests and I’m even scared they’ll tell me something I don’t want to hear…is this normal?? I’m imagining the worst all the time, and it’s getting on MY nerves so I’m not sharing with family who will become even more distraught.
I hope when I post this message it actually gets read by you two, so please send a quickie back so I know I’ve got it right. Oh and by the way, yes please to hospital tips, even though I’ve been told I’ll probably be in overnight only!
Big hugs
xxxxxxx

Hiya,

yeah you did get message right! I am so glad we were able to help. I can totally relate to what jo was saying, I swear I’ve never worn so much slap as when I was on chemo! I didn’t take to my wigs, preferring instead to wear a nice head scarf, so I spent a small fortune on expensive make up and skin care products. This was all in an effort to stop me looking like Derek Faye from the Catherine Tate Show (“who dear, gay dear, me dear? No dear!!”). The girls at my local Clinque counter in Debenhams loved it, everytime they saw me they knew I’d buy loads of stuff!!

If its any consolation, I also drove myself mad worrying about anything and everything once I was diagnosed.I really started to get on my nerves!!! Mind you, not much has changed as I’m still totally paranoid about every ache and pain. I’m off to see my on this thurs as it happens cause my latest concern is backache! Unfortunately ladies I think it is part of the territory.

Take care both, and keep in touch,

Kelly
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Hi,
I started a thread under the “undergoing treatment surgery” for tips for the hospital so feel free to have a nosy there.
My operation is tomorrow YIKES!!! But although I am scared I just want it over with.
Good luck and hugs,

Dot
x

Hi, I’m sorry you are all going through this but I’m glad I read this thread. I too am starting to get on my own nerves and also am really scared of having my operation! Dot, I wish you luck for tmorrow…I’m off to read your thread!

Maggie x

Hi

Glad your ok but I always take one day at a time as with this you never know how your gonna geel so live each day as it comes and worry about things when they happen i know its easy to say but its true. Every day is a bew experience.

I found i’m getting more daring i ve always been scared of hieghts but i have been on cable cars going up 4006 ft up a mountain and next on my list is a roller coaster which i’m terrified of but what the hell i’m gonna live life to the full when i can.

As for thinking the worse we all do it but good thing about that is if it turns out to be nothing you feel great. But the op is the worse part once you start on chemo youve climbed to the top of the hill and its all downhill from then on till you get back to where you were.

but we are here with you all the way even if ive got to carry you up lol

joanne

I’m really glad I joined this forum, it’s so much better talking to people who have been through it and are going through it with me.
Dot I really hope your surgery goes well. Please let me know how you get on and if I don’t reply immediately it will only be because I’m away.
Milliemum when is your op? are you going the whole nine yards? are you having recon? I’m sorry to say but I do take comfort in not being on my own when I’m so scared of what the future holds.
Joanne, pick me chick you’re gonna have to carry me!!! Your biceps better be bulging I can tell you!
I can’t believe how I keep crying, but I suppose it’s better out than in eh?..same goes for this cancer I suppose!
Love to you all
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hey

Nothing like a good ole weep we arnt robots well I dont think i am lol

With the steriods ive been taking could lift a house

I won shot putt and hammer throw at the highland games on thurs last not bad with someone with flibitis.

Joanne

Don’t mean to sound daft, but what is flibitis??

xx

Hi ladies

momathme .Just wont you to know hun that i was where you were i had 2 opps first one a lumpectomy then had to go back fpr a mascetomy…which really got me down …thiught all the thiughts that you were thinking …would i be the sae person …would my O’H look at me the same …i’ve been lucky as my husband has been a star and very surpportive thank god… …after my opp i would’nt look at my scare… but when i did, i did’nt cry …it was’nt till my O/H looked at it that i brooke down …

But its 6weeks on now and feelin much more positve …statred chemo 4 weeks ago and it ok not my self for a few days but then i get back to normal …can have recon for a year …but at least i will get back on form and strong for the opp.

Well momathme hope all go’s well for you hun there is light at the end of the tunnel ''stay strong

Big hugs sal x…

Thanks Sal

I must admit today has been a better day for me. I’ve been giving myself a good talking to about how lucky I am that I’m being treated, women in other countries are not so fortunate.
I’m sure I won’t want to look at the scar and I won’t want to see the look hubby’s face either, I just hope it’s better than I expect.
It is good to hear from someone who has had the same op, and I just hope I’m as positive as you at then end of it all.
Keep in touch and let me know how the chemo is going cos I’ll not be far behind you.
Lots of love
xxxx

Sorry

Phlebitis sorry that was chemo brain,

Its where the veins colapse due to chemo

JOANNE

Hi Momathome,
I did reply to your private message, but only yesterday. I have just read through your thread here and you should read it back, see how far you have come in such a short space of time, sound more like fighting all the time.

I wish you all the very best love, The support on here is just amazing so keep talking

Lots of love and good vibes
Hayley xxx

Hayley, I have to smile, because I have no idea how to pick up your reply! Maybe it will become more obvious?
I’ve had a rubbish day today, doctors scaring me more with what they’re not saying than with what they are. I’m sure you’ve been there, reading into everything they say and thinking the worst. I wish it could all just go away! Still, I’m going on hol tomorrow and that should give us all a break and stop us thinking about it all the time. Never thought I’d say this but I can’t wait to have the op and get started on treatment, at least the I’ll feel like I’m doing something.
Still can’t get over the fact that I feel well, and I’m gonna have treatment that will make me feel ill…it’s nuts!
xxxxxxx

Hey momathome - just cause other people have got a tough deal does not make your problem any less important. But, I guess it is not a good idea to try to look too far ahead.

Sleep well

Tuesday xxx

HI

I had a Mastecomy in May, but from the diagnosis I disregarded my left boob like it wasn’t there already, and I must say like a lot of other people I was glad it was gone once I had the operation my Hubby was brill and just said you are still you it has never been a problem. I don’t always put my prosthesis in and my sons don’t think anything of it they are 24 and 21 they are the only people that truly matter and I feel what they think matters and I asked them if they were ok we me looking a little ‘odd’ I really got told off and told not to be so stupid, but I think you are really aware of how uncomfortable some people can be around you so you try to cover all bases.

I am sure all of you that are pre-op will be fine its not half as bad as you think it will be I know a lot of you are a lot younger than me (I am 44) so it may be a bit harder for you, but hang in there you will be fine we have no choice.

Lots of good wishes to you all

Debs x

Hi lovely,

Enjoy that holiday, you deserve it. You put the private message in “have I got breast cancer” category.

Yes, it did get very confusing during diagnosis, but I found too that once diagnised and treatment plan in place it was easier to deal with as there was something being done about it. I send you lots of love.

Take care and speak soon
Love Hayley x

Hi Debs,

I had left mastectomy on 28th May and all nodes removed. Feel the same as you do as it has “gone”. I am 2 cycles into chemo, did you need to have any? Hope not, although its not as bad as I expected it to be, so am going with the flow…

I am just waiting for appointment for my prothesis, I’m still wearing the squidgy on which has not been too bad really, but looking forward to a “weighted” one :slight_smile:

We are lucky with the families we have. My hubbie said exactly the same - you are still you! I am 41 and my kids are 6 and 5 and have been amazing. I think thats what keeps us going, don’t you?

Take care
love Hayley x