Hi momathome,
I’m so sorry you’ve had to join us but ‘welcome’ to this most awesome site. Rest assured we all totally understand how you are feeling right now. I was diagnosed with bc in march last year, age 34. I had a right mastectomy and total axillary node clearance a week after diagnosis so, like you, had v.little time to get my head round things. I knew v.little about bc prior to diagnosis and it was a VERY steep learning curve for me and those closest to me.
The thought of what I was going to look like after the mastectomy horrified me. I imagined I was gonna look like some sort of freak show and that my boyfriend would never fancy me again. Like you I was not able to have an immed recon so I knew that I was gonna be one boob down for quite some time. In fact, I can’t even have my recon 'til a year after my rads which will be Dec at the earliest.
Before I went for my surgery, myself and my OH went on the internet to look at pictures of women post mastectomy. I wanted us both to be prepared for what I was going to look like, but to be honest I think it scared me even more at the time. I just wasn’t ready for it, and I realise now. The day I had my mastectomy I was distraught, and as my trolley was being wheeled down to theatre I was crying my eyes out. My OH was holding my hand and being really supportive. I just felt that I was going to sleep as one person and was going to wake up as someone completely different. It was like I was never gonna be ‘me’ again. I cried right 'til the time I was put to sleep pretty much!
When I came round though I found I was nowhere near as scared as I thought I’d be. Strangely I felt an enormous sense of relief. I was so glad that the tumour had been removed that I began to feel that losing a boob was a small price to pay. Of course I was gutted, but at the same time I was relieved. Prior to the op I thought I defo would not be able to look at myself afterwards, but actually I found that I was able to look at the scar really soon after. It was just a long, neat scar, covered by a dressing, and I had 2 drains in. It wasn’t until I got home 5 days later that my OH got a chance to look at the scar. I needed help changing my dressing and he was only too happy. I think it made him feel needed, if you know what I mean. Thankfully he was totally unfazed by the whole thing, and I was so grateful for his positive reaction.
I recovered from the op really quickly, largely thanks to the ‘exercises after breast surgery’ booklet I got from this site and took into hosp with me. I went home with a ‘softie’ which my bcn gave me and, once the scar had settled, I was fitted for my proper prosthesis.
I really hope that helps. All the very best for your op on the 7th, if you need any hospital ‘top tips’ then just say the word!
Take care and be sure to keep in touch,
Kelly
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