Hello
I thought i knew what I wanted. I had a mastectomy last July but always planned to have reconstruction. I went onto have 6 cycles of FEC but fortunately didn’t need radiotherapy. I have a date of the 15th September to have the reconstruction using my tummy fat. All sounding well and good. My husband doesn’t want me to have the op! We have 2 young children and he says he loves me not my boobs and doesn’t want the risk of something going wrong. However for many reasons I want my boob back but accept his point of view. I don’t feel I have the mental reserves to go through this on my own. He is trying his best to support me. I have suggested cancelling the op but he says I should get it over and done with because he feels I won’t be happy without it. Sound confused? I am!!!
All advice welcome
Chris
Hi Chris,
I had immediate recon. with my mx on the 7th.
Obviously I am sore and I am just managing the family stuff, my youngest ( 10yrs. ) is attached to me like a limpit!!? But I think I have managed to keep it together with my sense of humour intact because of this. I have a cleevage and from the outside I look the same. In a few weeks I get to play with prosthetic nipples and next year I can have a real one, if I wish !!?
My treatment is ahead of me, and even though my boob looks like “Barbies”, I feel whole, I feel me.
What ever you choose make sure it is right for you.
Love OC x
I imagine your husband just doesn’t want to see you suffer more surgery.I am sure my OH would be the same but I was lucky to be offered an immediate recon.
It may be best if you can talk this over with someone,maybe the helpline here or your BCN,just to explore how you really feel.
This is a choice for you and your future,how much would it affect your life if you did not go ahead? Would you resent it everytime you had problems with your prosthesis.Or are you OK with the way you are now?
I am sure I would have a similar dilema if I had not had an immediate recon.
I think my future is “brighter” as I still have 2 boobs and no-one need ever know what I have been through if I don’t want to tell them.
Best wishes with your decision,
Hugs
Dot
xx
Hi Chris
I am in the same dillema as you. I was dx last September, had 8 cycles of TAC chemo then a mastectomy and lymph node clearance in April and finished rads 6 weeks ago. Phew what a year !!!
My husband is like yours and feels that I have been through enough. He tells me that he is happy for me to stay lopsided as he doesn’t want me to end up in a worse situation than I am now. My mastecomy scar is small and neat and my husband says it doesn’t matter to him that I am like this. He keeps telling me that peoples bodies change as they get older and this is what has happened to me. He sees no need for me to have reconstruction.
I miss my breast and having my mastectomy was dreadful. Everyone else kept telling me that I would feel relieved that the cancer was gone once and for all but I would have done anything not to have that op as I really liked my breasts. Because I have had rads I will have to wait a while before having a reconstrucion. I have spoken to my BC nurse who said that it should be my decision and not my husbands but quite obviously if I go ahead with the recon he will be affected so I feel it has to be a joint decision. My husband has said that he will support me in whatever I want to do but the fact that I know he would rather me not go ahead does make me think twice.
Having a delayed reconstruction is always going to be an emotive issue because you have to cope with the loss you feel. Having time to reflect on your future choices doesn’t always help either. For me I feel that having a recon is more “when” rather than “if”. But if you are having second thoughts perhaps you should delay your op as there isn’t any time limit on when you can have it.
Goodluck whatever you decide. x
I had to wait 2 years for my recon and couldn’t have it soon enough.
Hated being lopsided, hated having to weat mast swim wear at 37 and knew I had a load of 40th’s coming up and wanted to wear clothes again that I didn’t feel I had a prosth sticking out from.
My self esteem was really low being one boobed, no one ever commented and even by best of mates always said they couldn’t tell and although husband said he was OK with it, I personally felt he wasnt and I definitley wasn’t. Mind you he has hardly ever touched the recon either but I dont care, I feel better for it and have more confidence back now, I had tram flap and found recovery not so bad, however I seem to astonish surgeons. My daughter who was 8 when I had mast prefers me with 2 boobs, she told me the other day she is glad to see me back in colourful bras and bikinis again and loved my lower neck line dress for my 40th this year.
Personally I think I would have gone ahead even if OH had voiced concearn, but feel he was just releived as me when I got my date as he could see how frustated I was becoming.
Debbie
Thank you for all your support. I was 35 when I had my mastectomy. I hate having to wear mastectomy bras and swimming costumes and I also feel ripped off by the expense of them supposedly tax free. My children are 4 and 23 months so they probably won’t remember this time. We went to a ball in June and trying to find a dress with a high enough neck line and didn’t make me feel frumpy was a difficult what should have been a fun shopping trip turned into a nightmare. However my husband says how does he explain to our children if something goes wrong for what essentially he feels is vanity. I work as a nurse so have far too much knowledge with which to scare myself with, but with just over 2 weeks to go, I know it is the right decision for me I just expected him to want it for me. My BC nurse has re-iterated it is my decision, the pre-assessment nurse for plastic surgery told me she hasn’t met anyone who is not happy with their results. i could make him happy and not have it but probablly at the expense of me being comfortable in my own skin!
Chris
Hi Chris,
My OH was unenthusiastic about recon full stop. I wanted to talk through the different types and he said it was up to me. All I could get out of him was that he was ok with the “flat chested look”. Why then does he have his screensaver as his favourite shot of Linda Lusardi from her topless modelling days!
I was able to have immediate recon and as I had bilateral mx, felt I needed it to preserve some of the little self confidence I had as well as having practical concerns of dealing with protheses. I had expander implants and ok they don’t look great and are still too big and uncomfortable (3mths post op) but I can wear support vests and look like I have a bust. Hopefully the permanent implants will be better. I had some great support from breastcancercare “peer support” - you just need to phone the helpline and ask for the service. They try to match you to a volunteer with similar treatement, age, circumstances who will then phone you as many times as you like. If your OH is not able to support you at times, peer support gives you someone on your side through it all. You sound like you’re going in with your eyes open and are realistic about how you will look and feel. Of course it will take time to settle down. It annoyed me that I had to be reassuring by OH that the end result would be better than the large swollen bruised effort I had when I came home - I wanted the reassurance not to be the one giving it but such is life…
Breast reconstruction is not vanity. It can be part of the emotional healing - show your OH the reconstruction booklet from this site. I hope you do ahead with the recon. It would be hard to always wonder what-if?
Best Wishes
Misha