Wonderful People, thank you again for all your wise advice, understanding and taking the time to post your responses, I am deeply, deeply grateful to you and appreciate just how fortunate I to know that there are such lovely people out there. If there’s anything I can do at all for anyone I’m here and only too willing to help however I can
Hello again, my senses seem to have left me since I saw my GP and not sure right now if I’m coming or going, can’t concentrate on anything,feeling very fraught, any advice on what to do? have not got appt yet for breast clinic, but only 2 days since I saw GP
Hi CB1,
what you are describing is absolutely normal… I recall each day as the post arrived half hoping the letter with the date would come and half hoping it wouldn’t. I was relieved to get the date, and then of course it was waiting until it came (my appointment was exactly two weeks from seeing my GP).
Take a deep breath, you can do this, and whatever the outcome,you will get through it no matter how bemused, bothered and bewildered you feel right now.
If you can, try to keep busy and doing things that you enjoy rather than dwelling on what might be (easy said, I know,). Come back here is you need to.
Hugs aplenty.
Hi cb1,
There’s nothing I can say really, apart from that the waiting bit is AWFUL. BUT it could be something very innocent and just there to give you the heebiejeebies! Most symptoms turn out to be non-cancerous.
I was a complete zombie whilst waiting for results - no concentration, didn’t know if I was coming or going, couldn’t sleep, kept crying. I guess the only thing you could do would be to call the breast clinic and appeal to the receptionist (tell them you are fraught with worry and are awaiting an appointment, have they had any cancellations?). Apart from that it’s just a case of waiting and trying not to spial into a panic (DO NOT GOOGLE!). And then once you know the score you will feel better either way (good or bad news) as you’ll know what you’re dealing with and have a plan in place so you feel as though you’ve regained a bit of control.
Sending sympathetic hugs. xx
hi,
it is completely normal for you brain to go to mush. I went into this surreal bubble where i felt as if everyone else was on one planet and i was on the other. I dont normally watch tv during they day, but i watched non stop re-runs of location, location, location.
It is such a hard time waiting for the appointment, date to come through, then its a hard time waiting for the actual appointment.
be kind to yourself. If you need to clean the house from top to bottom, do it. If you need to do nothing, then do nothing. No one else except someone who has been through it can realy understand the turmoil.
If you have not heard by friday you could ring the docs to see when they sent the letter off, then allow a few days for post, a few days for the hospital to process it and then a few days for it to get to you.
dont be surprised if the hospital ring you to fix the appointment, mine did and then followed up with the letter. If its getting so that you still have not heard after a week you could ring the hospital to see if they have given you a date.
In the meantime you can ring the help line to go over all that has happened so far and they can listen and reassure you, or you can keep coming back on here with questions or just like today to say how you are
Thanks again one and all for your advice, Googling has been my downfall, just so wanted to see some thing that said the symptoms were nothing, but I know that’s not going to happen and I’m trying not to go on any more sites except this one. Trying to keep busy seems the best thing to do, but I become so emotional and then cross with myself for being like this that finishing even a simple task becomes overwhelming. I have so many blessings that I feel I have no right to indulge in emotions at least until I know something substantive. Tomorrow I will check when the GP sent the referral off and chase everything up. Thank you again wonderful people
Hey, CB, you are not indulging yourself in emotions, they are real for you. Some people go into a bubble, some people weep, some people shout - we are each unique and we each react as only we can. Be kind to yourself. What’s right for you is right for you.
Take care, you will get through this - honestly.
Sorry to trouble you wonderful people once more, but have got into a right state having checked my breast again and seen things I’d rather not then when I looked again not seeing them and seeing something else and stupidly, stupidly Googling it and then going into a spiral of madness and sadness. I am trying, believe it or not to be sensible, but all sense has gone out the window and I expect will stay there at least until I have a diagnosis. Most of all I’m so mad with myself for not having spotted things earlier. How do people calm down, how do you steel yourself for grim news and how do you not drive loving partners insane with weepiness and snappiness?, all ideas welcome and so so sorry to be such a wimp. Honestly I am not usually so self centred, but I am a bit scared. Thank you again
cb1
I think u’ve hit the nail on the head cb1, ur very scared & have no idea how to react to this. As someone has said before everyone reacts differently. U not doing anything wrong. Do u have a date for the clinic yet? I think the waiting part is the worst, u have no idea what’s happening or what’s going to happen. I spent those 2 weeks poking & prodding my boob everyday worrying about things.Be kind to yourself,i cope by focusing on one thing at a time but that’s not easy when ur still waiting for that first appt. Pls try not to google again, it does frighten u & some of it is out of date, speak to the BCC team helpline staff & keep talking to all the lovely ladies on here. Take care,love Heather x
Hello CB1,
Please, please don’t blame yourself for any of this, you have found a problem, you’ve been to your GP and you’ve got the appointment lined up, that is everything you could do. I do understand the ‘why didn’t I spot this earlier’ feeling because I had it, but it may really be that you have spotted whatever this is as early as you could have… it took me months to believe that, but now know that I had.
Everyone handles things differently, and being snappy and weepy are both perfectly normal, natural reactions.
Try to avoid Google, and even be very careful what you read on these forums, because no-one else is quite like you and you could worry yourself unnecessarily.
You are allowed to be scared - who wouldn’t be? But you will get through this, you will. Be gentle with yourself, have a few treats this weekend (you deserve them) and try to get some rest.
You are brave, just keep saying it to yourself please!
Big hugs
PS Still hoping it all turns out really well for you
hi,
It is such a bad time waiting for appointments, and no one can realy help you. Friends and family are as supportive as they can be, but they cannot know what it is like to be in your head with your worries. My husband tried his best, but after the initial shock just felt there was nothing we could do till we saw the doctors and then got on with thinking about other things. He was attentive and things when i needed him, but did not realy get it.
as to finding new things wrong with your breast–that another common thing. One lady on here reported she now had a blue patch on the skin where her lump was. Fortunately one sensible person asked her politely if she had been proding it and might it be a bruise! yes thats what it was, so you are not the only one examining and re-examining yourself. I found i had pains in my neck on the side of my breast, but then realised I was actually holding myself differently because i was thinking about the lump so much. I found brown patches on the skin under that breast, that i had never seen before, but then had to admit to the doctor that it was a long time since I had lifted up these puppies and looked underneath and yes they could have been there for some time.
How do you steel youself for grim news, you cannot do that. If you are worried senseless, thats how you are. Some people find heavy breathing and relaxation techniques work, but i am not that sort of person.
Weepiness and snappiness, yes thats common too there was a good thread on here about people feeling guitly about being horrid to their partners.
I think what i am trying to say is what is happening to you, what you are feeling is completely normal, it sucks its going to be the worse weeks of your life waiting for appointments, results etc. Hopefully you are one of the 9 out of 10 that hear the best news ever–no cancer. But even if you are not, believe me you will feel so much better when you know what is exactly wrong with your breast and how they are going to treat it. I have had all my resluts now, and my operation and been in the oncologists to plan my radiation treatment (no chemo fortunatley) and three days ago, for the first time in the eight weeks since i first found my lump i felt normal again. There were long periods where i was me again rather than me with cancer, and it feels wonderful.
All I can suggest is that you take it as it comes, day by day. But please dont google. If the doctors who are experts are not going to be able to diagnose you without scans and biopsies, how can you accurately diagnose yourself from the hotch potch of information on the internet. Rant, rave throw things at the wall, but dont google.
You might find the helpline good. They listen patiently for hours at a time and have heard from hundreds of women in just the same place as you. They are very understanding.
or like today come back on here --we all remember what it was like
your doing all the things I think most of us did or have done & it is just the fear of the unknown that puts our brains into over drive LEAVE GOOGLE alone its just not worth it sweetie been there done that & got the t-shirt. When I was 1st diagnosed I couldn’t leave google alone my prognosis in the search engine WELL put it this way I was ready to jump off the quay where we live … it seemed hopeless nothing good about it what so ever. Since being here & at another group for my diag Ive since learnt there is light at the end … Yet all the pooh on google is still the same, out of date mumbo jumbo.
hjv123 has also hit the nail on the head you are going through the most difficult part WAITING it takes all ur sence of self control away as for poking & prodding my poor boob how it never got up & ran off itself … Id think its bigger … there more … it was the 1st thing I searched for when I woke & the last thing I touched before I went to sleep (when I slept)
What I did for myself was I always done meditation but found it hard to empty my mind I have several meditation & relaxation CD’s these were a life saver Id use my personal CD player & listen to them so much they really helped Id still get all the worries popping into thought but I persisted & it helped relax me & give my brain a break. Im also very lucky that I live next door to a lovely lady who is a qualified hypnotherapist & reiki healer, she also gave me some well needed hypno & put my mind back on track if it wasn’t for her I would have been a complete nervous wreck by the time I had surgery it was like the BC & all the fear of the unknown had invaided my every waking moment
Please dont be sorry your not troubling anyone we are all in this together & I find it the best place when you need to get it all off your chest … Do call the helpline & keep posting dont suffer alone this is the scariest time but it does get better in time, as for our partners I was a mess & looking back I dont know how mine coped but they do tears are good … its a release you are not self centred, your just on the beginning of this road of the unknown at the moment
Keep posting
Take good care
Big Hugs
Mekala X
Thank you, thank you for your help in putting things into perspective. I am really going to try not to Google - according to the myriad of information it seems that I’ve most symptoms of most diseases known to woman, so I’m either a medical miracle which given the circumstances is unlikely or should no longer be on this planet and if I have any say that ain’t gonna happen as planet earth is where I hope to be for a good while longer.
A long night, made better by a big fat cat purring gently in my ear. So lovely people 5 days of waiting gone and 10 more to go, however your weekend is spent I hope it brings you kindness and some laughter and if I can help anyone in anyway please say.
Thank you again amazing people for your time and understanding
CB1
Glad you are feeling better this morning. If your emotions see-saw back to frantic, read what you just posted and it might help you realise that its a roller coster, and you just have to grit your teeth and ride out the dips. Also remember that everyone screams on a roller coaster, so its alright for you to shout and scream too.
Hello wonderful people, wimpy cb1 here. Appointment at breast clinic week today, but have gone into total meltdown and am not coping well which is unlike me because I am a coper - normally. Seem to have read every posting and info leaflet on this site several times over and seen so many stories of amazing strength and try to take solace from the postings of wise people, but still cannot get it through to myself and am fast going mad.
OH says all will be revealed next week (no he’s not a magician, but wish he could on this occasion wave a magic wand). Not sure what I’m scared of most ?the tests, the outcome, the waiting, the treatment, telling loved ones or everything. Have spoken to helpline, they were gentle and kind, rightly said you just have to wait it out, but am finding this part difficult. Just want to curl up and cry, but that’s wrong so any ideas and so so so sorry to be so wimpy
Thanks CB1
cb1, cant say any thing to help hun, but yes the waiting is the pits! thinking of u. be strong. alex xx
Hi huni according to most things ive read on google concerning my diag … im DOOMED ! & not long for this planet ??? my onc seems to think different I like to think he is right 
hi, if all you want to do is curl up and cry, the that is what you should do. Beating yourself up about not being as calm and fatalistic as your husband is not going to help you get through the next few days(I mean after all, he is a man, what do you expect).
of all the things you list about being worried about the worst by far is the waiting. Even up to the moment you talk to the docs. It is like nothing you have ever experianced before. It hits everybody differently and there is no right or wrong way to react.
Some people find it helps to keep busy, but I could not get my mind round anything else, and so spent hours watching mindless tv like a zombie. If you find you cannot concentrate on a task–stop trying.
dont ask yourself what you can do to stop worrying. Just accept that it is what you have to go through till your appointment. And tell yourself that there is an end to it. Its the not knowing that is so frightening. Like being in a dark room and if someone would just put the light on whatever you find there will not be as bad as standing in the dark. Honestly once you know what it is you have to face everything is so much better.
Looks as if you are getting some help from the forum. It stopped me going insane. My husband has only a certain amount of patience, and I would see his eyes glaze over as I went over the same old ground and the same old worries, so it was good to come on here and read other peoples posts, and rant when things just got too much
Same comment as added to the thread where you (cb1) commented today in the hope you’ll pick it up from one of them!
I think what you are describing is quite ‘normal’ and ‘natural’ - the waiting and wondering and not knowing is so often the hardest… at least once you know what you have to deal with you can deal with it. Also it is quite natural that the shadows grow darker when you are on your own.
So, I don’t think you need a kick up the bum and I’m not going to send you one! What you do need is to know that there are lots of people rooting for you, many of whom have walked a similar path. If you can find enjoyable things to do that will keep you busy between now and then, I think that might help - if only as distraction.
Just about 11 months ago I was at the waiting stage, now I am moving on (and not checking back here very often except to watch the few threads I’ve commented on). It is hard to imagine just now, but all too soon you will be looking back on this anxious waiting period from a different place… and I do so hope it is one that is disease free. Be gentle with yourself, you’re doing just fine.
Hugs.