I’ve been trying to join in for 3 days now but it’s been manic at work so hopefully I’ll manage this time around.
@mrsjelly Helloooooo old friend. Always good to hear from you. You always make me laugh. If you start to sport a Fish from Marillion do, I guess we shall have to call you Mrs Jellyfish!
It’s good to hear about women who are living well a good few years down the line. I feel that we are bombarded on social media by all the shocking and sad stories so I like to redress the balance a bit. I have friends who have been through bc with only close friends and relatives knowing, who only told me when I went public on Facebook. A couple of them have also been clear for many years. My old neighbour who died of something completely unrelated in her late 70s, only had surgery (no chemo or radio) to remove her breast cancer 36 years previously and she said to me “I’m still here”, when I was in the midst of chemo. It’s one of the reasons that I am so glad this forum keeps going. It reflects us all at various stages in this journey and means we are there for each other when there is bad news and can celebrate the good news together.
@arty1 Sorry to hear about your daughter. Look at what happened with my son a year ago. It all seemed so awful at the time and yet it all worked out for the best and he did retakes this year. She will find her way. I just wish our academic system wasn’t so heavily biased towards kids who can absorb information and regurgitate it under exam conditions. One size does not fit all. I was so grateful to my favourite Marsden nurse who was doing my zoledronic acid on the day of the GCSE results last August. She told me she did badly in her GCSEs but did an access course and now has a nursing degree. It made me realise that there is more than one route to doing what you want to do in life. Your daughter is a beautiful young lady and will find her way, supported by an excellent mother.
How many of us are carrying their entire families, I wonder? I bet there are a few of us. We tend to do this as women. Mainly, I think, because nobody else would pick up the slack if we didn’t. I also have an ex husband who does zero and never did. He never even opted into parenting which went some way towards our break up. The never ending tax penalties are familiar - this also contributed. Glad you’ve got it sorted but even gladder that you have booked a girls holiday to Devon.
For those of you in treatment, especially those of you who are having a rough time of it, hang in there; you will get to the end of it. Then, like me, you will forget what an epic stressful time it was and those old irritations will creep in again that really shouldn’t bother you, but do. Like your colleague’s noisy eating and another whose chair creaks every time he stands up to blow his nose. (Yes, really! He stands up to blow his nose!!) My point is, that there was a time when these minor irritations didn’t even register, so massive was the stress of bc, and now here I am a couple of years after finishing chemo and I am boiling at petty little irritations again, just like before. A semblance of normality does return.
Hope the sun shines and you all get a good weekend, in whatever form that may take.
@evicting_00_squatter Yes they seem to just revert back to babies hoping for a woman to baiL them out I’m sorry you aren’t feeling supported either .. have you had a conversation about it ?
In fairness my husband was amazing with the practical support but if it involved the s dual running of the house , I was still doing it .
@salbert yes I remember your son doing his GCSEs .. how is he doing now ? I’ve tried to reiterate to her that GCSEs are just a stepping stone to further education .. she needs to not be so hard on herself .
You know that song “who runs the world! .. girls” it’s true we do everything.. well it certainly feels that way
He just says I picking on him if I try and have a conversation. Or he’ll claim that he does do the tasks, even though I know I’ve been the only one doing them for days. The amount of out of date food I would have to clear out of the fridge every time I resurfaced from my sick pit days was clear evidence.
@arty1 Son is doing great now, thanks. What seemed a disaster at the time, wasn’t the end of the world. He is an end of summer baby so was one of the youngest in his year and actually needed that extra year of GCSE study. I think it has been a steep learning curve for him and he needed to discover that everything doesn’t automatically fall into your lap. He studied hard this time around and his attitude to his retakes was very different to last year. He has been offered a place on the course he wants to do for the next two years as he did well this year so everything turned out way better than I’d dared to hope. I hope this will give your daughter a little boost. Lots of people don’t ace their exams the first time around.
@evicting_00_squatter I have an increasing number of girlfriends who have come out of a long term relationship and made the decision to remain single. To quote one of them “I cannot be arsed to organise a sock drawer for anyone ever again”. These men should take note!!
Sorry to hear this. I hope it all settles down soon. Your husband could do with a kick up the bum, just think of all the money wasted on fines that you could have spent on something nice.
Enjoy you holiday in Devon, you really deserve it.
@evicting_00_squatter hmm he sounds like my husband, mine is on the spectrum and suffers from “Overwhelm” but it doesn’t make it easier .. it’s the last thing you need especially if he interprets trying to talk to him as nagging
@salbert I’m so Pleased to hear that! The summer babies I always felt just seemed so young when they started school , I’m end of August and always felt like the baby of the year . I’m so happy that things have turned out well for him, that’s brilliant
I’ve been away for a couple of days. It was a few degrees cooler down in Devon thank god!
Presurgery chemo now done. I get six weeks between and then SMX and auxillary lymph node clearance for HER3+ and I have opted for an aesthetic flat closure as that is the best option for me.h
Now have the lead surgeon who has promised to do his best so I can retain full fine motor control in my hand as I normally get commissioned work as a broiderer making bespoke vestments and work as an artist. The relief of speaking to a surgeon who actually understood that mattered far more to me than looks has helped reduce my stress.
Surgery is booked for the 19th August and IF my oncologist is happy the last lot of chemo has not affected by bloods and l am fit enough to do so I can have a few days away on Rest and relaxation the first week of august. I never dared imagine that could be a possibility as the side effects from chemo for me have been harsh.
New surgeon also clocked my medic alert as soon as I walked in, listened to past problems during surgery and how my drug allergies and reactive skin can make things more complex and is doing all he can to manage those so l can reduce the risk of being in HDU and ICU. He bought my pre assessment appointment way forward to this Tuesday so he can have more time to research surgical closures and dressings I am least likely to react too.
The first surgeon I did not trust as he would not listen, ignored me trying to flag my drug allergies especially can land me in real trouble and wanted me to have a reconstruction because that is what all woman want. I had visions of being back in ICU.
My Dd was right, younger surgeons at her hospital are more patient focussed whereas the older ones whilst technically good as surgeons the nurses dislike seeing heading towards patients on their own without a nurse on stand by able to scoop up the pieces after they go on their way unaware of the emotional mess they have left behind.
will leave worrying about if it’s to be 12 months of just targetted therapy or targetted plus chemo till after the histology reports.
So glad that you’ve found a surgeon who you trust to listen to you and understand you. I changed surgeons and I’m so glad I did. I couldn’t have made it through my staging scans with the original one.
Your job sounds very interesting, I always envy people who have creative careers.
Hello everyone, just popping back to say that I completed my 18th herceptin today and that is the end of my treatment. I am not sure how I feel, but I do recognise this is a milestone. My life is almost back to normal but it is a big “almost”. I know you guys get what I mean. Sending you all loads of love xx
@hoggie great to hear you’ve finished, well done. Funny how some milestones are an anticlimax and others feel really good. Rule book on what to expect went out of the window long ago!
I’m currently up a mountain in Switzerland called Weissenstein at a Schwingen Swiss wrestling festival. We came up by cable car and are currently watching men tossing a 66 kg stone. It’s awesome. Life after breast cancer. My main focus in life now is getting as many new and rich experiences as I can and this is one of them.
Hello, this is my first post, so I hope I’m putting it in the right place. The title really resonated with me. I was diagnsed HER2 a few weeks ago (triple positive I believe) and I’m desperately waiting for chemo date to be confirmed as the phantom twinges are driving me mad. It doesn’t help that the tumour doubled from 2.5 to 5cm last month, so my imagination is in overdrive. I’m stage 3, so already spread to my lymph nodes, but not sure how many. I just can’t wait to get started proactively doing something about this and fighting back.
It’s really good to read stories of people who are further along on their journeys and kicking dancers butt.
Oh and I’m 46 years old with a family and a busy job that takes up way too much of my life.
@jenny9 Hi, welcome and sorry you are here but yes it’s the right place for a band of warriors that ‘get it’ and have got your back. Completely understand how scary it is right now and that you just want to get on and get rid. Your tumour size change sounds scary but you don’t say if you are having chemo pre surgery, if you are I guess these are scan estimates on size and involvement of lymph nodes. This evil c isn’t usually growing at a rate of knots but we all assume that.
Advice pre chemo - there will be plenty as people see your post and several ladies are triple positive. My advice would be to take your pen and notepad to all appointments and ask everything you want to know, there’s no such thing as too many questions. First chemo is the scariest because hou don’t know what to expect and how you will react. Yes you will get some ( not all) side effects. Have a few things in your home medicine cabinet like over the counter remedies for diahorea and constipation and report and ask for help with side effects don’t suffer. Worth keeping notes on side effects as often a pattern emerges and a bit of predictability helps.
Funny how all of us on here seem to have busy lives and a tendency to look after everyone else ybe the family/ work problem solver. Take a look at who is going to be your best practical support and be ready to delegate what you can. Emotional support can be harder as family members can find it hard to change their expectations of us and can also be scared by your diagnosis. That can mean you don’t always get what you need and you may have to ask and be prepared to distance from people who you don’t find helpful. Can you talk to anyone at work to discuss how they can support/ make adaptations for you? We will always be here to soak up anything you want to moan/ freak whatever at, we’ve been doing it for each other and I can tell you these ladies are something very special. My ‘ go to’ during chemo was to get outdoors with my dogs whenever I felt I could summon the energy and that was my solace. My rebellious energy went into going tank driving for the day ( a grannie in charge of a tank, cancer, watch it Im not taking prisoners) .
Thank you so much for your reply and suggestions. I’ll be taking my notebook and have questions ready for the Oncologist on Monday. It is chemo first, then surgery and we’ll see from there.
Sadly it was the hospital scans (CT, ultrasound and MRI) that have shown the tumour growth. Not really sure what we’re waiting for, so I have been making a nuisance of myself calling the hospital.
One thing that has really struck me at this point is how supportive everyone has been. It’s good to know there’s a network around me, and lots of favours to call in if I need to. Hopefully not for dog walking though, as that’s also my happy place. I just love being out in the woods as the sun is going down x
Hi, welcome to the club nobody wants to join! I just wanted to wish you well as you start your journey, we’ve all been there, so remember we’re here if you need us!
Hi @jenny9 Welcome to the thread. We are a very supportive bunch. I see @carrie5 has given you some great advice.
Many people say that you need to ask/ be specific what your needs are. Many people will say ‘ let me know if there is anything you want’, during treatment you may not have the energy to even think about what you want so try to plan ahead and get people on board.
I was able to walk with the dog every day, but not every walk, and my team recommended walking during chemo. Any side effects of chemo will happen after you have returned home, pay attention to what doesn’t feel right and call your helpline for advice. Have a thermometer at the ready and check your temperature regularly as it’s a sign of infection. I was given a booklet to note my side effects on a daily basis.
I would recommend ready this thread and also joining the monthly chemo starters thread for July/Aug depending on when chemo starts. I found it really supportive with others starting chemo in the same month.
I’m sorry you aren’t feeling supported either .. have you had a conversation about it ?
we do everything.. well it certainly feels that way 
