Thank you @naughtyboob
Where to start with what is now becoming āA tale of two titties.ā Having grown up in Portsmouth, the birthplace of Charles Dickens I thought it mightvbe an apt moniker on this thread then discovered itās the title of an adult film and a couple of books. 
. Opted for Mrs Jelly as my mumās predictive text renamed me when she messaged me!
So, thankfully due to Covid my first mammogram on the screening programme was delayed by two years late. Had it not been, my next mammogram would be next year rather than this year.
So it showed a couple of areas of concern in the left breast which culminated in an invite to second stage breast screening. Spent a long morning at the breast care centre waiting to have more scans. Ironically whilst waiting heard about Amy Dowling and Chris Hoy, then a bit more Amy on the TV. Oh to have had the remote control to change the channel. So had a 3D mammogram and USS and was informed Iād need mammogram guided biopsies which was booked for the following week.
Attended for the biopsies. Not too unpleasant. Squashed and skewered twice. First felt like a wasp sting deep inside, the second I felt nothing. Appt booked for results the following week. The day before the results were due the appointment was cancelled. Owing to staff sickness the biopsy results were not available. Rebooked for a week later.
Attended appt on 21st November. Informed that biopsies revealed that I had breast cancer. DCIS in one area and precancerous changes in another. Likely to need conservative management. As 25% breast would need to go, oncoplastic surgery. Was told that I had dense breasts and as a consequence I would not have felt the mass until it had got larger and to stop my HRT and have Mirena coil removed. Had to be HRT free for two weeks then Iād have a MRI scan. Managed to get a cancellation that afternoon in a Sexual Health Clinic. Old building down a road to the seafront. Dark and dingy inside. Lovely staff. Painless experience. Returned to work in the afternoon as I had a meeting to attend 
Broke the news to my adult children the next day. My husbands birthday. Thought Iād wait till theyād finished their working week. Hardest thing Iāve ever done. Dreadful.
Following week received a phone call inviting me to meet the surgeon on the Friday. Day before the appointment received the clinic letter from the first appointment and the word āinvasiveā jumped out at me. Hmmm. Piqued my anxiety. Following day bin met with surgeon. He said that he wanted to meet me before the MRI and to find out about me. Then went on to tell me about my results. I naively hadnāt realised there were more to come. So I am oestrogen and progesterone positive and HER2 positive. So this meant I would need chemotherapy and targeted therapy. Timing of treatment dependent on results of MRI. āItā was measuring at 18mm. Should MRI show it to be 20mm or larger Iād need neoadjuvant therapy. Quick examination and the words āmastectomyā and āno nippleā mooted. I was stunned. First thought was how am I
I going to tell the kids worse news a week on and what about my job. No thought for myself.
December 9th. MRI day. Lay poised like Eddie the Eagle Edwards ready to take flight, with face resting in a horseshoe shaped frame, breasts dangling in the holes of a black cushion and cod liver oil capsules secured to nipples with micropore (was told I could have them horizontal or vertical ). The injection of contrast was very peculiar. Felt it prickle up my arm and the throughout my head. Mouth filled with saliva and I had to steal myself from vomiting. Zoned out and imagined I was somewhere else. No deep breaths allowed else by boobs would rise and fall and spoil the imaging.
Two days later, whilst I was at work, the BCN phoned. I had been discussed at the MDT. MRI revealed āitā was more extensive and difficult to size so I would need treatment before and after a mastectomy. Breast conserving surgery no longer an option. In addition, something indeterminate seen in other breast so that would need a second look that week. Felt floored by the new. Rang husband to collect me and I gave him the bad news. Decided to wait till the end of the working week to tell the kids worse news for the third time.
Two days later, Friday 13th met surgeon. He confirmed what Iād been told. Chemo and targeted therapy for 6 which is to start before the New Year. MRI, I have forgotten when to see if treatment has worked; review with him in May to discuss surgery; 6 weeks to recover; left mastectomy around July. Then Iāll have radiotherapy and another 6 months of targeted therapy. Then mentioned sometimes further treatment needed. As for right one, USS and 3D mammogram the same day.
Informed I should have ECHO, CT staging scan and oncology appts the following week. He said CT scans can be like opening Pandoraās Boxā¦.. Hope they find nowt else in mine.
Terrible sleepless weekend. Shocked. Tearful. Felt wired. Went to work last Monday having been awake since 01:30 (several hours spent reading this thread) but much of it stuck in the rabbit hole. Did online e-consult to GP as soon as surgery opened to request something for sleep and mood. As @salbert said. This is a long haul flight to Australia via the moon. Needed something to help me on the trip! Left work after 5 hours as I was unfocused and ineffective. Felt like Iād worked a night shift with no sleep the day before. In bed at 15:30 trying to stay awake as GP phoning. He rang at 16:50. Was very kind and prescribed Mirtazepine. Slept for 10.5 glorious hours and forgot about the shit show thatās going to be my partial retirement.
Yep, after 36 years service to the NHS dropping to 3 days a week from January. Exchanging my city breaks in Europe and trips around the UK for 3 weekly lounging in a chemo chair near the coast. My new plunging swimsuit aināt going to look right with a mono boob. Hey ho!
So last week I had an ECHO. Lovely lady did that. Not an ounce of my chest exposed. Scanning all done discretely under a towel. Heart okay. Transpires her father wrote a love letter to her mother when he arrived in Germany to the town where I was born (my Dad was in the army, hers the navy). She asked if she could give me a hug and wished me well. Hope to see her for my next ECHO.
Had my CT scan on Thursday. En route BCN rang to tell me my imaging has been sent to Northwick Park ro be reviewed. They will contact me if I need an MRI guided biopsy of right one. I was a cannulation nightmare. 3 staff, 6 attempts and 50 minutes. I was silently willing them to succeed as result of scan needed to determine treatment. I was also willing the scan to not show up any anomalies.
xx
i feel like i will be soaking myself in baths for the next 2 weeks if it helps x
