I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who replied to my post Heaven. You are all super people out there. Just to answere some of your questions , i have been reading a lot of life after death books , i suppose i am searching for answeres , i also read a book on 100 questions on metestatic cancers very good book , i get my books from amazon. I wrote letters to my brothers getting a lot of my chest so to speak.I,m glad i have done it , its up to them now , i,ve decided to surround myself with true people who love and respect me. I cant help but feel sorry for my brothers , we came from an abusive family , my father mentaly abused my mother and physically abused us . The thing is i have grown into a loving , caring, person, i have worked in old peoples homes and the ladies in there loved me , they said i always brought a smile to them everyday , i wrote poems for them , i have written a childrens novel and will be giving the books to childrens charities and the hospital, i have painted many pictures and sold them for cancer charities and given them to all my friends so they have something to remember by. I have 2 children who i adore and would never dream of hurting a hair on their heads , i,m a soft hearted mum , but i am not trying to paint this wonderful picture of myself i just wanted you to know that no matter what cruelty i have had to endure , i have never hurt anyone , i,m not perfect, but i,m proud of myself for being strong and not going over the edge . I often ask myself why ?. Also having had a disfunctual childhood, and now getting cancer, my life will be cut short, when i am needed by my girls seems a bit unfair, this is one question i ask God all the time . But i think he must have a greater plan for me.I have never had any counciling for my chilhood problems or this dreadful cancer , i,m getting my strength from somewhere . I wonder how i can show you some of my paintings on this web , i would love to show them to you , i,l look into it . Ah well i,m off to the cinema now with my little girl. Oh by the way to answere another question my ribs are fine now thankyou, in a lot of pain with my spine but good old oxynorm sorts that out , it just makes me a bit tired , I have chemo every thursday , vinoralbine , i think i,ve splelt that wrong ha . Its working so i must be grateful for that. Love to you all , x
Hi Carol
I understood so much of what you were trying to get across in your post … I can empathise so much with how you know that you are a good, decent, kind person - and its almost as if you feel you need to justify what a good person you are given the way other people are treating you, or have treated you in the past.
I hope that makes sense!! but I have a lot of similar personal experiences that you described - and it has taken me many years (and still working on it if I am honest!) to actually believe that I am an ok person … and how important it is not to think that other peoples behaviour is always a direct result of our own, or any shortcomings that we may have ourselves.
I still think its difficult for some people to understand that just because we are linked to brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers etc by blood, that in some way its an unbreakable bond and one that is usually respected and valued … this isnt always the case! but walking away or turning our back on family is much harder to do than if it were colleagues or friends … and I think part of that is that its almost a taboo subject and something we cant talk about too often …
I think its great that you are writing stuff down and letting people know just how you feel … good on ya!
Im sure you are a fab mum, a great friend and a lovely person to be around … and its been a pleasure reading your post…
hope you and your daughter enjoy the cinema - and that Ive not waffled on !!
Sue xxx
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Hi Carol, Can I just echo everything Sue has said. Also, I’ve found that writing things down and letting other people know how you feel can be really helpful in letting go and moving on. We can’t change how other people are but we can accept when it’s time to move on and stop wasting precious energy. Your children are lucky to have such a wonderful mum, I believe if we ourselves suffer as children it makes us ever more determined to cherish our own children and families. Enjoy the cinema, enjoy every day, you deserve to be happy. I’d love to see some of your work, maybe you could download a different picture each day? I’m not techy at all so wouldn’t know of another way of doing it. Take care and will look out for your posts, love Pat x