Hi, I am new to the forum. Diagnosed early July, after a regular mammogram. I have invasive ductal carcinoma, grade 2, E+, P- and HER-. Had a lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy op early August. Results where, nodes all clear, which was a relief and downgraded to grade 1. But not clear enough margins. So another lumpectomy last week. Await results now in 2 weeks. Told if all clear I might not need radiotherapy, which is great and then Letrozole for 5 years. Feel I have been very lucky in catching it early, but feel guilty that others have to go through so much more. Anyone else feel like this.
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Welcome to the forum. Cancer is cancer in whatever form it takes and it really shakes you up ,please don’t feel guilty for having “escaped with 2 operations possibly radiotherapy and five years of drug therapy “
Maybe read the mountain lion story it may touch a chord with you .Best wishes Jill .
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“ who in their right mind would want to fight a mountain lion, even a three-legged one?”
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Hello there Tessa
If you enter guilt or imposter syndrome into the search bar you will see that this is an issue for many of us . Especially when you are grade 1 ( which I also was ) you know that there are people out there facing far more difficult journeys than you. Also it’s a bit of a rollercoaster - right now despite needing another lumpectomy I imagine you’re feeling relieved that your nodes were clear and that you have been downgraded from 2 to 1 .
Everyone processes differently and it may help you to know that you have been lucky - but knowing something and feeling it are 2 different things . And guilt while understandable is not particularly helpful . A cancer diagnosis of any grade changes you and you mustn’t let the fact that it’s been caught early stop you from properly processing what has happened / is happening to you. After all if I have my figures right only 1 in 7 women develops breast cancer and we would all be luckier if we were one of the other 6 .
The day after I found out that my margins were clear and my SNB was negative a long standing colleague and friend died of prostate cancer and I had the most horrendous attack of survivors guilt . I was even afraid to tell my colleagues my good news. However they were glad to hear it , it helped them having some positive news when they were all feeling down. If he had still been with us I know he would have been happy for me .
So try to put guilt aside - you don’t deserve to be carrying it.
Joanne. X
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Hello @tessa11
I absolutely second (and third!) what both @JoanneN and @Jill1998 have said. My treatment was even less complicated than yours clear margins so only one round of surgery followed by radiotherapy and hormone therapy.
Unfortunately I lost my dad in tragic circumstances when I was 13, and thought hey what is a little tumour compared to that: I was so wrong, whilst my treatment was relatively straightforward physically from an emotional and psychological point of view I really really struggled: the support on this forum most certainly got rid of my imposter syndrome and I also found attending an in person support group really helpful. Please don’t ever feel your diagnosis or treatment makes you “luckier” than others
I hope your second surgery is successful and wishing you a good recovery
AM xxx
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Hi @tessa11 I had the same as you over a year ago, 14mm IDC Er+ Pr+ HER2-. Was lucky to get clear margins first time. Always knew it was Grade 1, no node involvement and no LVI. 5 rounds of rads and 5 years of Letrozole. I drove away from the result’s meeting with the surgeon thinking, phew dodged a bullet there but coming into contact with women with mets during the process stopped all that. I felt guilt and also tremendous fear that I’d had it too easy and would get something worse in time to punish me for my complacency. I still feel a bit like that from time to time a year later but my oncologist lectured me that living with fear and guilt was not really living at all. She’s right. So I work hard at putting my experience into perspective both in terms of other events in my life and in comparison to what others have experienced with cancer. I think what you feel is perfectly natural and part of the processing of what you’ve been through. I’m sure, as you work through it, these feelings will dissipate. Good luck with the adjuvant treatments.’
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Thank you. That is a great way of describing how it feels.
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I had lympectomy and nodes biopsy in June . Nodes clear and and was given Tamoxifen in July and told if need 5 sessions of radiotherapy. But when i was in the waiting room there were two women in for breast cancer day surgery. So we started talking and swapped mob numbers and to this day we still keep in touch. But I have said I feel guilty because S. needed a mastectomy and chemo and still has her radiotherapy and some other drugs that I can’t remember just now. The M. had lympectomy and chemo and has radiotherapy too come I know I’m so so lucky. But when we text and I hear what they are going through I do feel like I am an imposter.
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Thank you and to the other ladies for your kind words. It’s good to know I’m not the only one who has feelings of guilt. It is not easy to deal with. I’m usually very positive and upbeat about most things, this has really shook me to be honest. I’m always the strong one, the one people talk too. It’s taken a lot for me to come on here and admit to struggling. I wish you all the very best with your treatments and moving on. Xx
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You have got it in one, definitely feel like an imposter. One side of me says that and the other says don’t be stupid, it’s still cancer, you have still gone through surgery and have more treatment to go. But making myself believe that is hard. Like you, I have family fighting this too, my youngest sister throat and breast cancer, my brother prostate. I still feel blessed to have it a lot easier.
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It’s good to have some perspective but it does not take away the impact your own cancer has on you , your own mortality being brought into sharp focus really makes you feel vulnerable . I’m sorry you have family members going through awful times but that does not negate how you feel - cancer is scary .
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Hi @annmarie58
I was saved from feeling a complete imposter because I was diagnosed at a time when my life had been very difficult - illness bereavements , one thing after another. It really felt like the universe had it in for me. But it is hard not to let those thoughts creep in - wondering why when you think you have it easier that you aren’t doing better / should be more grateful.
You formed a sort of immediate bond of sisterhood with the other two ladies for support which is great but you didn’t even know them a few months ago. Don’t lTheir more difficult journeys shouldn’t make you feel bad about yourself , you will all be at different stages and you need support too. If you were the one having the more major surgery and chemo etc would you want the others to be feeling guilty ? Is there a local Breast Cancer Support group that you could attend either separately or together ? If so that might be a good way for all of you to widen your support networks.
At the end of the day this is your journey . You are going through treatment too , you have your own hurdles to jump and even if they aren’t as high as someone else’s you’ve still got to get over them and your own way through it. As time goes by you will work through all these feelings - the Moving Forwards course might be helpful once your radiotherapy is done.
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Whoops! Somehow sent this while I was kind of still writing it.
Hope it makes sense x
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My breast cancer was caught early too. E+P+HER-, stage 1, sentinel nodes clear, 2 lymph nodes in lumpectomy clear, clean margins. I did go through radiation and almost finished with 5 years Anastrazole. I had no problems going through radiation. I couldn’t ring the bell to celebrate my finish treatment. There were a couple of ladies in the waiting room having a tough time, and I just couldn’t bring myself to celebrate outwardly. The nurse navigator had me talk to a therapist about my feelings. She basically told me I can’t be responsible for what happens to others, no more than cancer free ladies being responsible for what I have gone through. Cancer is nobody’s friend no matter what stage you find it. Take care of yourself. I think we all “feel” for other people’s walk with cancer. Good Luck with your new surgery results. 
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Absolutely agree with what’s being said here. I’m almost afraid to say I’ve had breast cancer as, like you, I feel I got off lightly. The replies here are so reassuring. It’s a great place to find support. Nothing is too trivial to discuss.
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Yes I feel guilty. At 36 with a lumpectomy, radiation small tumour just under 2cm, and being cancer free for 31 years, I did not feel guilty until now. I find myself with a new primary same breast, 4cm tumour ER+ and inner lower quadrant. Had scans etc, all clear, no evidence of spread or lymph node involvement. In for a mastectomy and snb on Monday if all good, that’s the end of it, no chemo, no rads [had before). I look on these forums and it breaks my heart seeing younger women & men with all kinds of hurdles to jump. My Mother also had 2 bc’s both breasts, double mastectomy, and also cancer in the uterus, but got over all of them, died at 94 cancer free for sixteen years. I ask my self why the same again? What do I learn from this, which I didn’t learn before? I got a second chance at 67, why? It’s very hard not to feel guilty when you hear of young mothers jumping through hurdles to survive, it’s heart breaking. x
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Thank you all for your kind posts and support. It is great to hear other stories and opinions etc. It seems a common thing for those of us who do not have to go through the whole process, to feel guilty and sad somehow. I know we should not, as we have our own treatments and surgeries to deal with and at the end of the day we are all fighting this in our own ways. It is not easy to read about so many, especially some much younger than some of us, having to deal with and go through so much, it is heartbreaking. But it also makes me feel very humble and thankful that I do not have to endure chemo etc. All I can do is try to support who I can and encourage as many as I can, to go to regular mammograms and to check themselves regularly. We did not ask for any of this did we! Take care all of you xx
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It is now 11 weeks since I had a mastectomy and lymph node biopsy. Although the cancer was 2.8 cms it had not spread to the nodes. This was such a relief. From diagnosis to operation was about 5 weeks and I am now on hormone therapy. I found that very quickly I was being told how well I was looking. I think the few people I had contact with expected me to be in bed looking ill. Sometimes when I was pressed for information I would say that I was very tired or finding it difficult to sleep only for that to be treated as unimportant. I have now found that it is easier just to say that I am fine even if I am worried about something. I was very grateful to the hospital staff who helped me a lot. I now also feel guilty and lucky that I did not need chemo or radiotherapy compared with some of the stories I read of what others are going through. I am 80 years old in three weeks time and this is not how I thought my old age would be. I am sad and often tearful in private. No-one other than hospital staff have seen my scar or the large seroma I have been dealing with. My husband did not want to see it and I wouldn’t show it to anyone else anyway but other than that he is a good support. I never cry in front of him though because he has health difficulties of his own. I am getting side effects from the Anastrozole but nothing that I cannot live with. I wasn’t lucky to get cancer but I was lucky that I didn’t have to more treatment. I shouldn’t feel like a fraud but I am not how people expect someone with cancer to be. It is a very lonely position to be in and I feel that I am making to much of it to myself since everyone else seems to think it is all over. Reading this tonight has been such a help. I am an introvert and don’t find it easy to confide even to hospital staff how I feel. Thank you for giving me this opportunity to feel sorry for myself.
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Blueanne17 
BCN is here for you this is your safe space where you can share as much or as little as you want where everyone just gets it no questions asked we all listen with kindness compassion and care 
Shi xx
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Hi blueanne17, I think you have just described exactly how I feel at the moment. Thank you for this. You are very brave for going through a mastectomy and further treatment. To be your age and have gone through it is amazing. I am 62, and am finding it hard to deal with. Talking on here has helped me a lot, to realise I am not the only one who feels guilty because ‘I’ve had it easy’ as I was told by a so called friend. We do deserve to talk about what we have been through so far. None of this is ‘easy’. It’s life changing, unpredictable, frustrating, painful and a million and one other emotions all rolled into one. Thank you, I hope my results are good, and I will do my best not to feel guilty if they are good ones. I wish you well xx
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