hi, newbie, advice on what happens next please

Julie-well done you on getting through it:)). Sophie - thanks for understanding:) I hope I can give as nice wise words as you have to me:) thanks ladies:))).
Feel awful today, all achy and tired. Had argument with husband last night, he has been avoiding me since I had the biopsy, any excuse to escape, lol:) I know he is scared and worried about what might happen, but, it might not happen, so he needs to man up!!!
My children are writing their christmas lists, toy story stuff is high on the list, along with a pony and a boston terrier for dd:-))). She will be disappointed on christmas morning:-)))))).
Thanks again ladies, you truly are tower of strengths and inspiration.
Kerry xxx

Kerry, keep holding on - I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow, let us know when you’re able to. It could still be good news, and if it isn’t, well, hey - you’re not alone and we’ll be here for you, fight this bloody thing together.

I wasn’t at all sure how my OH would react - he had a prostate cancer scare around last christmas, had to have biopsies (don’t think about it, lol), and was fortunately given the all clear - but he was an absolute wreck for a fortnight, so I was worried that he’d be the same with me. He didn’t come to the first appt (I was so convinced that it would be a cyst, and if it wasn’t, I didn’t want hysterical husband at my side), but took the news quite calmly - didn’t say much until he came with me to second appt and was very very reassured that I wasn’t in imminent danger of dying from bc. Once he’d heard that, I think he was able to focus. I know he’s found it hard, nearly cried in front of his boss when he let him know (and my OH is a bad-ass, tattooed biker, lmao - always the worst softies), and he doesn’t talk much - but I just make a point of using the c word very often and letting him know how I feel - so he’s not afraid to talk, if he needs to.

Personally, I think it’s tougher to be the one on the outside, sometimes, but that’s no excuse - your OH does need to face up to it - he will need to be there 100% for you, and your kids.

And don’t get me started on christmas lists!!! I’m trying so hard not to think ‘money’ at the moment (I work two part time jobs around school hours - and my income pays off the credit card/car loan, diesel, insurance.eek.) - I’ve warned them it could be a lean christmas… and I think the two eldest get it - but reasoning with a 7 and 6 year old? Forget it!!! Any good car boot sales between now and Christmas!!!

Talk soon, take care

Sophie

Thanks Sophie:))). Men-who’d have em!!!

Hi Kerry I was diagnosed 3 weeks ago and have left mastectomy on 8th. It really is an up and down time but I totally agree with all these lovely ladies, deal with one thing at a time. Good luck with your appointment tmorrow and I’ll be watch this threadx

Well, what an odd old day:/ I have got cancer, start chemo as soon as my blood is sorted-i get stupidly aneamic and the doc wants it sorting before we start anything:/ after chemo will have a mastectomy and reconstruction, and he is hoping to reduce my other boob at the sme time:/ then I suppose radiotherapy.
All a bit confusing at the moment, way too much to take in! Think we are in shock to be truthful:(
Kerry x

Kerry, that is a load to take in, not surprised you’re confused - I am in a muddle just reading your post! Hope the anaemia gets sorted fast - just what you need, something else to make you feel run down and tired :frowning:

Sophie xx

It never rains but it pours:( my boy has chicken pox!!! Some one somewhere has it in for me:( Got to laugh!!!
Sophie, our children are round about the same age:) i have an 8 year old girl and the boy with pox is 6 in january:) thanks for replying to me:)
Kerry x

Oh, kids and chicken pox - talk about timing! My youngest, Robyn, decided she’d get chicken pox on her elder sister’s birthday a couple of years ago. Scarlett’s birthday just happened to be on a Sunday, so we had the party planned for that day too, and Robyn appeared at the top of the stairs absolutely head to toe in spots! Fortunately, most of Scarlett’s friends had had the dreaded pox already, and party went on regardless of little scratchy in the corner…

Yes, ours are much the same age - Scarlett will be 8 in Feb, and Robyn was 6 in July - fun, fun, fun!! I’ve two older ones as well, who are 16 and almost 15 - but they’re better at looking after themselves!

I wonder if there’s a thread on here about what we tell our (small) children? I shall have a look… start one if there isn’t, maybe!!

Hope you get a decent nights sleep tonight… I’ve got an old bottle of Calamine lotion in the bathroom…any good? lol

Sophie xx

Spookily -and not just cos its halloween!! I have a scarlett too!!! She is 9 in april:)
Don’t know what to say to mine, william is quite senstive-while scarlett is miss laid back! It would be interesting if anyone could tell us what they have told their smalls:) Have you told yours?
Kerry x

Yes - my bcn gave me the leaflet on how to tell the children, which I read through quite quickly, but adapted to our own needs. My OH and I decided to tell the older two seperate to the younger two, as we were worried that my eldest (son, Jareth, 16) would get panicky and upset the littlies. So, we told the younger two first, just that mum had a lump in one boob that shouldn’t be there, and that I’d have to have it taken off, so I’d only have one boob for the moment. I told them that the lump didn’t hurt, didn’t make me feel ill, and they couldn’t catch it - but that the medicine I might have to take would make me feel pretty ill and they’d have to be big and strong and help mum through this. They were fine, got bored of the news after a couple of minutes and wandered off - which was ok. Robyn did then wake up during the night for a few nights, and wanted to come into my bed for a cuddle, and to sleep there, and we just let her - it’s her way of coping and getting a little extra reassurance. I’ve talked quite openly with them all since - making sure to use the word ‘cancer’, but also being very clear that there are lots of different types of cancer, and having cancer doesn’t necessarily mean you are going to die. That was really important, because I know they have friends at school who have relatives die from cancer - and I didn’t want another child telling them about it, and having mine think I wasn’t going to be alive by the end of the school day!

Children are often far more sensitive to our emotions than we give them credit for - so I felt it was very important that they understood why mummy might be a bit vague and not on top of things at the moment. I’m not pushing info at them - but if they have a question, then I figure they have the right to an honest answer, and just enough information to satisfy them at that moment in time.

My eldest daughter (Daisy, almost 15) was heartbroken and sobbed at the news, but ‘fortunately’ her best friend’s mum has had bc and is now 3 years post-op, and that family has been a tower of strength for both of us - and for me it’s brilliant to know that Daisy has another adult to confide in and ask questions of if she needs to. My son was very stiff upper lip, but I think is coping ok. He’s promised to buy me a bandana for christmas in preparation for any hair loss… cheers son! I don’t even know yet if I’ll have to have chemo!

Hope that’s of help - I’d love to hear how anyone else told their kids, it is a really really hard one.

Sophie xx

Oh, and cool to hear of another Scarlett!! Funnily enough, it was a name on my dad’s side of the family, way, way back… when it used to be a man’s name (with just the one t at the end). Apparently, it was only ‘gone with the wind’ that made it into a woman’s name! Don’t think I could have called a son Scarlet though… not these days!

Kerry…don’t know if this’ll help but …

Mast, recon, reduct, radiotherapy, all nodes out…yup, all of it here too (see profile).

What I wanted to say though, is that on January 14 this year I was where you are now, and if it helps, I am now in mid-rads and the chemo and op seem like a distant dream.

There’s nothing nice about it, but batten down the hatches and it’ll be over before you know it.

xx

I was on vacation when I waltzed into a physician’s office to check on some weird growth in my right breast. He assumed it was “fibrous tissue” and scheduled a mammo next day.

Mammo in the am, u/s at lunch, bx and diagnosed with stage III b/c by 4 pm with nurses crying and stuff…No time to think, research or react. Was in chemo 3 days later after I got ahold of my insurance company and had them pay out-of-network.

Left my “vacation” 8 months later.

Lis

You ladies are truly lovely:)))))). It helps so much that I am walking a path that some one else has trodden-if that’s an actual word://// big hugs to you all :)))))))))
Its a funny thing this cancer stuff!!! We has agreed to go out with friends tonight, been arranged for agesn they know what’s going on and I have asked for everything to be as usual until it needs not to be,welln they have gone and canceeled because they can’t cope!!! Feel cross and upset, its because of me:( I just wanted to be normal, doing what we usually do:/ hey ho!!! Just me and husband then:)))).
Kerry xxx

Kerry, that sucks! Way to make you feel like a freak! Hellooooo, not a monster, just have bc… it’s not like you all have to look at my boobs…ugh.

On a smaller scale, I can sympathise. Friend of my OH’s came round this afternoon, flying visit, and sat and had a cuppa with my OH whilst me and the kids were making fairy cakes (have to put that in, because it makes me sound like such a top mum… can’t actually remember the last time we baked, lmao). Anyhow, OH’s friend is all subdued and whispering, and I can hear darn well they’re discussing my upcoming op… but would said friend look me in the eye, and ask how I was doing?? Give me the usual greeting hug? Give me a kiss goodbye? Hell, no. You know, I think if I’d made him the cup of tea he prob. would’ve had problems drinking it… Oh, and just to top it off, having discussed (in whispers) my bc, what is his next topic of conversation? Only how many people he knows who’ve been operated on for one form of cancer or another and lo and behold it’s come back and they’ve died…

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!! You know, until I typed that, I didn’t realise just how hacked off with him I was!!! At least OH didn’t play along, bundled his mate out of the door way quicker than usual…lol. And I didn’t burn the fairy cakes.

Have a great evening with your OH… your friends are missing out, and I hope they are sitting at home now realising what tits they’ve made of themselves. <hugs></hugs>

Sophie xx

Thanks Sophie:)))) All sorted in the end:)
xx

Hi girls hope you dont mind me popping in here but just read your thread and there is a book called mummys Lump which has helped other people tell small children. Mine was 25yrs but still as difficult to tell and yes she was hysterical for about 15 minutes but my BC nurse gave me a great piece of advice and said " its the way you tell your family " if you are all positive and explain the progress of treatments and much better survival rates ( its not a death sentance anymore) “then they will be .Iam not suprised at your Oh friend because i have had all sorts of stupid things said to me and good friends run for the hills (like chemos horrible stuff it shrivels your insides up) no its making me better thank-you.Once you feel it as a lump its too far gone -----crap to name but a few some people are so stupid and insensitive and you will learn who you’re true friends are and to surround yourself with positive people and not to listen and avoid negative ones.I have lived next door to my neighbour for 25 yrs and she has yet to come in and see me ( from march when i had my op) i finished all my treatment last week and shes started to speak to me again ( because she couldnt cope with it )hope this helps and sorry for gatecrashing youre thread .Have a look at " starting my pink road of chemo 15th Nov” thread ive posted lots of tips to help get all you ladies just starting get through xxx courtesy of all the lovely ladies on here who helped me xxx bless them all Julie

Julie, that’s sound advice, thank you for sharing. Unbelievable how insensitive people can be, my mouth was hanging open as I read those ridiculous comments by others.

I have been very lucky so far in that my friends have been hugely supportive, and so have the work mates/bosses who know so far - but I’m certain I’ll run into someone sooner or later who doesn’t have the sense to engage their brain before they open their mouth… or worse, who really has no idea how insensitive/crass they are actually being.

Just had another friend phone me to say how desperately sorry she was… five minutes later she was roaring with laughter as our conversation meandered on - so much better!!! That’ll be another one who’s not scared to be back in touch, thank goodness. (She did comment that she’d be disappointed if I wasn’t in the tattooist getting the mx scar covered up within six months… well, I said, I was watching London Ink last night and a woman had a fabulous tat of the bc ribbon done on her arm… that’ll be me next year! One tattoo that my dear mother won’t be able to cringe about!!

I’ll have a look at your other thread - it’s sometimes a bit daunting posting on a thread that’s been going a while, as everyone seems so much more informed, that it feels a little like intruding… but I’ll take that as an invite, <grin>, and read away!!</grin>

Sophie xxx

that is so definately an invite the more the merrier. I dont think i’ll be in the tatooists next year as i said before im a wuss and even the tiny dots for radiotherapy were enough for me. i told her it was a good job she wasnt doing a full blown angel or something cos i dont think id of gone back to finish it ha ha .Julie
P.S where are you having treatment ?

Interesting thread. Really sorry to hear your supposed friends dipped out on your evening out, Kerry. By the way, your user name reminds me of Mrs Bird in Paddington Bear.

I had thought that people (including sis-in-law who I used to get on well with) who hadn’t been in touch were just too caught up in their own lives. It hadn’t occurred to me that some ‘couldn’t handle it’.

Some of you might think this to be an insensitive comment but my husband didn’t, otherwise he wouldn’t have told me. I also thought it was quite funny. Just after I’d been dx and told I would have to have a mx, he told one of his best mates who said ‘but she’ll keep the other boob? well, that’s alright, you can only work on one at a time anyway’.

My stepdaughter (age 28) said just after my mx ‘I don’t know whether this is an inappropriate thing to say but you can’t tell at all’. I had my squashy comfee in as I haven’t got the proper prothesis yet and was feeling self conscious, so I was glad she’d spoken up.