How can I help mum?

Hiya everyone?

I hope you all keeping well!

I worried and have no-body to talk to!

My mum was diagnosed with Breast Cancer on 12th June this year.
She opted for a mastectomy and recon at same time on 13th July, she has been selected for the accelerated TACT2 trial and should have started last week, but due to varying departments being in disagreement, her infection at the recon site was only diagnosed last week, the day before her EPI started, so has been delayed till tomorrow!
Anyway in the mean time, my mum and dad, have spilt up and mum is now staying with me in my tiny flat!
I don’t mind that though, I feel as though mum hasn’t got the space she needs! I am sleeping on the couch, that I don’t mind, but am worried about mum, as she isn’t speaking to me about how she feels, though by overhearing her talking to her friends I know she s worried about the treatment etc … am an only child, and mum, lost her brother at 28 to lung cancer, and the rest of the immediate family are born with retinablastoma (cancer of the eye - RB mutation).
So I don’t know what to do to check she is OK???
I also suffer from severe depression and feel very very stressed!

Hope you can help, or share your experience’s too!

Love for now … Tizzy xxx

Hello Tizzy

Dealing with B C is very difficult, you have your up days and your down days and it is pretty scary as you don’t feel in control of your life the treatments are also very daunting as there are many different side effects for different people…your mum probably doesnt want to worry you especially as she knows you suffer from depression…Just ask her how she is feeling that is the best way be honest with each other tell her how you feel and let her know that you are there for her…try not to get stressed I know it is hard but try to focus on the good things about you and your mum when nasty thoughts creep in and always come to this site for comfort as the ladies on here will be there for you…

Love and hugs Lucy
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Thanks ssilver,
Thankfully today kinda of went as planned, thats mum started her chemo, though she has been quiet since then and even more quiet since we got home!
I’ll speak to her over the coming days, when it sort of feels right! If that makes sense? I am starting to think as long as she is speaking to someone … i.e. her very close group of friends, she’ll be fine … perhaps its just a good chat I need to have with the someone, (thats what I hate - about being a only child in small family, though we are rife with cancer!)
Mum is a recovering alcoholic, (though I feel a need for a glass or 2 to unwind?? am I normal??) So as her and my dad have split up, since her dignoase and recon - I feel as though its wrong to find abit of comfort in a glass of wine or 2! Everyone says I look so tired and worn out … its not just my mum I have to contend with, I also care for my gran, my mum’s sister (who is blind and has non evasive breast tumours and learning difficultes!, plus my only cousin has a pitulaty gland tumour as a result of the retinablastoma (her dad died at 28 as a result of RB developing into lung cancer)… so i feel stressed to the hilt!
I am trying to hide coming on here from my mum, though I have been to tak tent and the Maggie centre in Glasgow to try and relax … but am still stressed???

Am I normal?? Please, Please help … I am at a loss about what to do!!!

Love Tizzy xxx

Hi Tizzy

I’m sorry to read that you’re feeling very stressed at the moment. If you want to talk to someone in confidence the team on the helpline will be only too happy to talk to you and just be a listening ear if you feel you want to offload your troubles. I am sure the feelings you are having are only natural but can understand your worries. BCC are here to support you so please use us if it will help. The helpline is open Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm and Saturdays 9am to 2pm. The number is free phone 0808 800 6000.

Kind regards

Katie
Moderator
Breast Cancer Care

hi tizzy

its good (although not- you no what i mean) to here your feelings and i feel just like you, i have a lot going on in my life to and don’t no how much more i can take. so i hope we are normal. i to am trying to get a little comfort out of the odd glass of wine or five, but to be honest it doesn’t work, just end up feeling sory for myself and crying. im sure well i hope things get better for us, people say it will and i have faith in them. sorry that i can’t offer advice as i am looking myself but at least you no your not the only one!! my situation is very very sililar to yours.

take care you are in my thoughts
jo
xx

Hi Tizzy

I think you are perfectly normal stress is a terrible thing as is depression and unless like with b c you have been there you don’t understand how someone is feeling, just try to take each day as it comes my love, but what I would say is try not to drink too much alcohol as it will probably make things a little worse, moderation is ok…try not to dwell on the past too much either just try to look forward and make sure you have someone you can talk too even if it is just to let off steam you know where I am and the other ladies on here too…

takecare my love thoughts are with you

Love
Lucy XXXXXXX