I am feeling really mixed up I was dianosed in 2008 with Triple neative breast cancer, had WLE, Epi, CMF and then 21 rads. I am a naturally sunny person and coped really well, working all the way through treatment. Since then another lady at work has been diagnosed - I thougt we would gel together and provide a support mechanism for each other - this has not been the case - she has leant heavily on me for support and advice, but is never there for me. Has anyone else had such an experience and have any coping tips as I am really begining to feel down about the whole thing
Hi Pamela,
Was interested to read your post as I find that I am now sometimes considered some kind of strong wise guru on getting through all manner of difficult circumstances , having been diagnosed with and treated for breast cancer. Itâs not just breast cancer, it seems that when people even vaguely in my circle of acquaintances has a hard time, whether through illness or other circumstance, they gravitate to me to help them through. I do try but find I canât take on everybody elseâs problems. I am usually quite upbeat but it takes quite a lot of work to maintain this approach and it can be sucked out of me by other people being continually needy and depressive. I feel I owe it to myself, my family and close friends not to be dragged down by these people. So, horrible as it seems, I have found that I have to distance myself from some of these people. It makes me sound horrible but I have to save my energies for the people I love in my immediate circle, and also not risk being brought down again which would then put a burden on everyone who loves me. So unless this lady is a close friend I would protect myself if I were you. Maybe guide her to a support network like this forum or a McMillan group, but donât feel guilty for not taking on board her diagnosis all by yourself. Gosh, I sound very harsh donât I? But I think you do have to put yourself and close circle of friends/family first, and give yourself permission to step away from this lady without beating yourself up over it! If you canât justify doing it for yourself, justify it for the sake of your family perhaps? I hope you get your sunniness back soon,
X
Ps. Nobody on this forum is in that category by the way!!!
Hello, Tors I just wanted to say I think youâve put it beautifully, and you certainly donât sound hard at all! We just canât take everything on ourselves for everybody round us, and we canât be all things to all people.
So Pamela, you could tell your work friend about this website and give her the bc telephone line number too. It doesnât mean you wonât ever talk to each other about bc things. Itâs just youâre both at very different stages. Sheâll be feeling afraid and vulnerable as its early days for her yet, and although youâre further on than her, I might be wrong, but perhaps her diagnosis has brought memories of your bc journey up again, so you need to be nice and understanding with yourself about how you might be feeling. Once weâve had our own bc treatment, we all find our own ways of dealing with it, and getting back to our everyday lives, albeit with a new sense of normal. But, thereâs always things like your colleague being diagnosed, that come back to âbite us on the bumâ and remind us of the worst parts of our own journey.
So Pamela, big hug to you, and take care of yourself!
With much love,
Shelley xxx
Thank you for your advice - I am feeling much more positive, Tors I have been feeling really horrible about the situation and people also expect me to know and be able to provide advice and support about all kinds of illness and like you any other tricky situations they find themselves in - but thanks to you and Shelley feel better able to cope.
Big thank yous
Pamela