How do you cope with 'wobbly' days?

Hi Ladies
Once again l thought l was coming to terms with this horrid bc, but no, another wobbly day has come to get me!
I try to take one step at a time, but on a not so good day it just doesn’t happen. Had a wobble this morning, and thought l had got through it, but no it has come back to get me.
I suppose l have to live like this now! A wobble here and there! Just wish l was more positive, doesn’t help my large node involvement.
What do others do on a wobbly day? Had thought about going shopping with a friend, but a bit too hot for my wobble day! I think a drink would make me feel worse! Tried keeping busy today, but then l stop………and the wobble comes back!
Sandra xxx

Hi Sandra,

I’ve had a few wobbly days and I still get them - when I just seem close to tears all the time and I have no patience or stamina and just want everyone to go away and leave me alone. Things that work for me are:

  1. Loud and cheerful music - songs that remind me of happier times that I can sing along to. If other people are around (my singing is not great), I go out in the car on my own and put the music on loud. Aircon is another good reason to go out in the car at the moment!

  2. A book that I can’t put down.

  3. A chick flick film.

  4. Going out for a walk - sometimes with my neighbour and her dog, but sometimes on my own if I don’t want to talk.

Some days are hard and it isn’t possible to just snap out of the low mood. It is normal though - my doctor keeps reassuring me that it will get better.

Love and hugs to you and I hope you feel better soon.

E xx

Hi sandra
I also have lots of wobbly days. I just try and remember why I am putting myself through the rough treatments…my lovely children…my adorable 3 yr old grandson…who lives with me with his mum.
As I’m writing this my 11 yer old son has come shooting his toy laser gun at me…i find it’s the little things like this that get me through.
You sound like a strong person from reading your posts…I’m sure your positive attitude will get you through.
Stay positive
Love and hugs
Chris xx

Hello Sandra
The wobbly days are poo, laughter helps me but thats not always on tap, its not as if you can walk into a room , or up to someone on the street and say , make me laugh, you hear me make me laugh…or if you did you may then get locked up…what made things brighter before the bullshit (BC) . sometimes it all bogs me down and i actually can’t ‘snap out of it’ then it seems to spiral into some deep bog of doom and gloom, so you are not on your own, come on here and chat.

hang in there hun sending you a hug

x rhi x

Hi Sandra

One thing I would say is don’t try too hard to be positive. Trying to be positive all the time expends a heck of a lot of energy and becomes counter productive. You are bound to get bad days, especially when you have to live with uncertainty. There must be days when you want to just collapse in a heap and say that you can’t do this anymore or times when the fear and panic of what might be wells up so much it takes over your whole thoughts. I have been through this, not with my own illness but when my son was ill. I somehow learned to accept these bad days and found having a really good sob was helpful. I found avoiding those who expected me to have a coathanger smile was the best way and gave up trying to put on a brave face when I felt low. I think what really helped were the helplines - Bacup was just getting started but I used to ring them constantly. They were so patient and let me offload without judgement. Nowadays there are lots of helplines where just talking to someone can help lift your mood. In time you will be able to acknowledge your fears of cancer and accept that some days are worse than others, but on the whole be able to cope.

Hi Sandra,

Sorry to hear you are having a wobbly day they really are the pitts, I was diagnosed in November last year and had a LOT of wobbly days where I just had this black cloud hanging over me, I am now 6 months down the line and still do get the occassional wobbly day but on the most have a lot of good days now, I just have to look at my kids and they give me the strength to carry on the fight. I am 3/4 the way through chemo at the moment and seem to find when I am feeling ill or tired thats when my wobbly days are most likely to occur. What I have found useful is planning things for my good weeks, due another chemo tomorrow and this past saturday held a dinner party for 6 friends so when I felt low I got planning my dinner party, the next event for me is my youngest daughters 2nd birthday party.

I hope you are feeling a bit brighter, sending you a cyber hug.

Take care
J xx

Hi Sandra,
I think we must accept that we have the right to wobbly days. If you find something that helps, thats great, but it is not always possible. A women I know, who lost her husband 30 years ago, told me she never needed to think about her husband… the thoughts came by themselves and not always when she was prepared for them. I think it is the same for us.
I play scrabble on face book, do a sudoku or go out for a walk, my brain won’t let me do anything more intellectual when I am wobbly. I do believe “a happy pill” might be needed. talk to your doctor, don’t be brave in front of him. Sometimes just having them is enough, you may not even need to take them !
I am sending you a pm
Hugs
Maria

Wobbly days? I remember them well. Here I am 2 years down the line but before and during chemo I was in a very deep dark hole. I had my funeral requests on a memory stick and was feeling the pits!

Now chemo is a distant memory. It wasn’t pleasant and I was so scared sitting in the chair waiting for the first one. But I’m over it and you will be too. Life now is getting ‘back to normal’. My hair is grown and I’m making plans for the future. Life is good again.

Just cross one bridge at a time and you’ll soon be through this.

Take care
Mal x

Hello Sandra,

Firstly, so sorry to hear that you’ve been having a wobbly day and I do hope that tomorrow will be a better one.

I agree with Cathy, I think the burden of positivity is a hard one to bear. It isn’t unexpected that we will have difficult days and to constantly protect those who love us from that fact is too hard. Personally, I find it cathartic to allow the grief or anger out and have a good cry. I always feel so much better afterwards that I wonder why on earth I ever try to put it off!

Is there someone (or more than one someone) you can go to when you feel wobbly, where you can have a vent or a cry knowing that you’ll get a hug from them? Don’t focus on how they might find it hard to see you suffer, focus instead on how they will feel when they see how much better you feel afterwards and how great a gift they are giving to you.

Take care m’dear
Debs xx

Hello Ladies
Elsk, Music, have to be so careful with the words! l can pick up anything and turn it into something sad at the moment!!
No hope with a book at the moment, brain not with it, but it will be!Yes to a good film, and also a walk with the dogs, hoping l am not going to bump into people that want to tell me about a friend of a friend that has bc! xxx

Chris, Yes l do try and remember why l am putting myself through all this rubbish, having 4 grandchildren, just brings tears on a bad day! is there no hope for me? Lol xxx

Rhi, love the photo! sometimes feel as though l should be locked up! Yes once the bad day has set in, it does seem a job to get rid of, but l did manage to get rid of it for a few hours at lunch time! so perhaps things are getting easier, once it was there for days!!xxx

Cathy, Many a day l get that fear and panic! and yes the smile that tells everyone you are coping. Felt awful today, but a lady stopped me to ask how l was…she said you look so well! xxx

J,I do try and plan things too, so l have a little something every day, Probably having all the family to dinner on Sunday exhausted me, but l loved every minute of it! xxx

Maria, Another wobble! you on facebook? l must be the only one that isn’t! perhaps l should get on there! Yes l also do sudoku, and card games on the internet. It all helps. And yes l do have the happy pills in the cupboard, they have been there for quite a few weeks, and sometimes l get them out, and think give it an hour if no better l will take one! just feel like l am giving in to take one, what a wimp l am! but it is good to know they are there! xxx

Mal,Oh don’t start me off, done all that!!! Yes this bridge seem a very long one! but l will get to the end, well on a good day l will! xxx

Debs,You wouldn’t think it by my posts, but yes l have a very good husband, he is the only one l don’t have to hide my feelings from, if l want to cry l do, and he responds with a cuddle, so l am so lucky. Also two sons 33 and 35 and even at this age l protect them!! although they know when l am having a bad day, and cuddle me, but l do try not to cry in front of them! l think they are coping with enough without their Mum crying all over them, don’t get me wrong l have, but l try not to! Then there is my 90 year old Mum, who l have to put a smile on for, she is very aware, and very worried, so l try to keep the smiles on for her!

Thank you ladies, tomorrow is another day!!
Lots of Hugs for all your kindness
Sandra xxx

Sandra - you will get through this.

If you’re anything like me - you put on a face for everyone (except your hubby) and try to carry on as though nothing is bothering you. I had chemo on Friday and every Sunday I had the whole family for Sunday dinner (no-one seemed to notice that I was asleep half the time). I just wanted to make it as normal as possible. It was a mistake.

Make time for YOU. You will have down days. That’s normal. But it will get better.

You will also re-assess your priorities/friends etc and determine what and who is important to you.

BC has changed my life and it’s not all bad (but I’d rather not have had it!).

Take care
Mal x

Hi Sandra

I’m not sure we do cope with wobbly days - we just get through them. When I was going through chemo my tactic was distraction - watched loads of DVD’s and tried not to have too much time unaccounted for. Even so, there were certain times every day when I would just dissolve into tears - in the bath every morning, walking the dogs - I think it became a habit and in a way I think it was therapeutic.

Then when chemo finished, I expected to feel much better, and was shocked to find myself feeling very down. I think that’s when reality really hit - and I was in a bit of a panic about treatment coming to an end (even though I am on continual treatment for bone mets). Then I decided to start doing some research on diet and lifestyle to see what else I could do to improve my chances. I decided to make a radical overhaul of my diet, and this has really helped. I finally understand what people mean about being positive - I just didn’t get it before, and thought it was a trite response - how can you be positive about having secondaries? But now that I believe I am doing something to help myself, and because it is food related I am reminded of it every time I eat, I have become much more optimistic about my outcome, and have stopped focusing so much on whether the drugs will work or not. I don’t feel so helpless any more. With every cup of green tea I visualise my mets receding! They may or not be, but by taking action I can allow myself to think they are.

I still get tearful and have bad days, but my general mood is much lighter, and I think I cope with the wobbles a bit better now. Even when I read something very discouraging, I just say to myself that doesn’t apply to me, because I am doing XYZ to help myself. I am busy with rads now, but when they finish the next thing will be to start meditation or some similar exercise - or join a local support group. There is some very good research that being in a support group is not only beneficial mentally, but actually improves outcomes.

I have also found that generally feeling more positive has meant I have done things that I wouldn’t have a month ago - when I was avoiding any social contact except with close friends. It’s been a virtuous circle. I am irritated with myself that I didn’t start doing all this 7 months ago, but I wasn’t ready then, and would have resented the advice.

So this is a very long winded way of saying that when you feel ready, I hope you will find something to help you feel more in control of your situation, and this will help you cope better.

Good luck - the fact that you post here quite a lot is a good sign - it all helps.

finty xxx

we all have wobbly days, what always helps me - is to have a good cry,a chat with my hubby, and a bar of chocolate.

Take one day at a time, which really helps me too.
eva