Hi, I’m new to this site, 51 years, found a lump on holiday 3 weeks ago and hoped it was a cyst. The mammogram at the rapid access clinic was clear but after two biopsies they found grade 3 ductal cancer and some DCIS. They can’t decide if I need chemo first or surgery. I am going back to see the consultant tomorrow, so hopefully I will know what is in store for me. I don’t know which treatment would be best as they both sound dreadful. I just can’t believe all this is happening when just a few weeks ago I was such a normal person. Now I fear for the future - I am really scared. How do you cope with the lack of control and the uncertain future? I am trying to put a brave face on at home, but is’s really difficult. Can anyone who is further on give me any advice about this.
Hi Llamalois,
wanted you to know I will be thinking of you today
I am 57 and have also been diagnosed with Invasive bc, just two weeks ago.
You are still a normal person, it’s ok to be scared, we all are.
The shock of the diagnosis sent me into a downward spiral, but with the support of family and the wonderful people on this site, I have gained an inner strength.
I hope you will too.
My sister made me promise to do one thing positive each day , just for me, this has really helped me to cope.
Please let me know how you get. sending you love and healing…
Rosamund x
Dear Llamalois
I am sorry to hear of your recent diagnosis. Welcome you to our forums where I am sure you will receive lots of helpful advice and support from our users.
Below is a link to a Breast Cancer Care publication Resources Pack which can be ordered on line, it is filled with information to help you better understand your diagnosis, test results and the various treatments available.
breastcancercare.org.uk//content.php?page_id=7514
You are also welcome to contact our freephone confidential helpline on 0808 800 6000 for further support, advice and information. The helpline is open Monday to Friday 9am-5pm and Saturday 9am-2pm.
I do hope you find this information useful.
Best wishes
Lucy
Moderator
Breast Cancer Care
Hi Llamalois
Sorry you have had to join us but welcome to our exclusive club 
I finished my treatment earlier this year (grade 3, stage 2, IDC) and am trying really hard to get my life back on track now. I personally feel that everyone copes differently when given a diagnosis of cancer (any type), It would be a real boring old world if we all reacted the same. I’m a nurse so have some ‘inside’ information on BC and it’s treatment, so I think in a way that makes it worse, knowledge can be a real hinderance whereas a little knowledge can help understand and subsequently cope.
I was one of those ‘positive’ ones (that many don’t like!), I was 41 at dx and did not have time to be ill or want to have to put up with all the treatment. I had no choice though and went through the works like all the ladies on here. I don’t remember stopping once during treatment to think about the future, about the fact that I even had cancer let alone what might or might not happen. I just knuckled down to working as hard as I could at home and putting the illness to the back of my mind. I used to sit in the chemo room, looking at all the other patients, thinking how ill these poor people looked and how glad I was that I did not seem that ill - yet in all honesty I was and I coped with NS and hospitalisation on quite a few occasions once missing a visit to ITU by a hairs breath. But all being said, my positive attitude worked for ‘ME’ (before I get jumped on by the anti-positives ;-)), it does not work for everyone though. I have found the bad time for me is after the end of treatment, I have been struggling to get over the shock of the surgery for some obscure reason - but hey I’m getting there and I am a stronger person for it.
You will get through it in your own way and only you know how you handle this type of stress, so go with your body and heart and you will come out the other end a stronger person.
Lynn
Dear LlamaLois
How do we cope? Do you know I sometimes don’t know!!! Some days are great and I feel like I can fight anything they throw at me. Others I feel I mess and feel like it’s so unfair and look at other peoples boobs/hair and think why me and not them…
The lack of control and uncertainty is definitely the worst thing, but somehow you learn that all of a sudden there are no longer any difinitive answers. I have just started my pre-surgery chemo to shrink my lump and feel like there is a long road ahead. All I can tell you is the initial few weeks, tests, results, planning treatment are probably worse than anything becasuse you are not actually ‘doing’ anything to remove the problem. I think once you start your treatment (which ever way round they decide) you will start to feel a bit more in control.
Take care of yourself. Good luck today, let us know how you get on and hope you come back for more chats, it does help!!!
Love and hugs
Ali
x
Hi Llamalois,
So sorry you have had to join this club but you will meet lots of helpful people here and get lots of support. How to cope ? it’s such an individual thing. I got my doctor to give me some sleeping tablets to get me through the period between surgery and diagnosis (in the end i didn’t take them but they are there if your mind is going ovetime) My way of coping is to hand all the stress and worry over to the professionals who are treating me (hope my trust isn’t misplaced). Once you start treatment you kind of concentrate on that. Not sure how I’ll cope when the treatment has finished but we’ll just have to wait and see.
You WILL get through it somehow
cheers
caroline
HI Llamalois,
it’s a very difficult diagnosis to cope with, but somehow you do. Like Caroline, I got some sleeping tablets to take initially - and I did take them until I had my surgery. They just stopped my mind buzzing at night, and it is my belief that with an illness like this you need all the rest and sleep you can get to cope with the physical/psychological onslaught of the disease and it’s treatments. Everyone is different, but I would try and let your emotions flow, and don’t worry about putting on a brave face.
Fuschia
xxxx
HI Llamalois
I was 54 when I was diagnosed in October 2003. I remember the time of diagnosis being the worse moment of my life and that dreadful feeling of spinning out of control into an uncertain future.
I still think that moment of diagnosis WAS the worse moment of my life. I wish I could give you easy mantras to feel more in control. For me gaining information about my cancer did help…if I know what’s happening and what’s likely to happen that helps me feel more in control…even if the knowing isn’t always ‘good’’ news.
The human spirit is pretty robust and you won’t stay in that awful pit of depsair for ever. Feelings shift and change with time…you do laugh again, you do enjoy things, even though breast cancer may cast a dark shadow for ever.
I went through 10 months of tretament and then had 2 and half well years before a recurrence which I’m currently havign chemo for. I mourn my pre cancer days, but I’m still here, still have good times amidst the despair. I’m lucky in that I’ve never felt I had to put a brave face on at home and being able to share how I really feel with my partner and freinds has helped enormously.
I write lists of nice things to do and tick them off…may sound naff but it helps.
By the way I had chemo before surgery first time round and was terrfied of the chemo. In the event yes it was hard but not as bad as I had imagined pre cancer…for most people vomiting on chemo is eliminated by great anti emetic tablets so the image you may have (I did) of constant vomiting on chemo is usually not the case.
very best wishes
Jane
I just wanted to say thanks to you all for your encouraging and supportive comments. I feel very much on my own with this so its wonderful to feel that you are all there. I am going to try out your various suggestions for coping. I think you are right about being positive, its easier some days than others, but maybe I am in a new phase now that I know what is to happen.
I have just got back from the clinic. Its a 3.8 cm grade 3 invasive ductal cancer so I am going to have chemotherapy first, they’ve put a marker in so that they can monitor it to see if it shrinks. Hopefully I can start treatment soon so there’s less time for worrying.
Love to you all and thanks
Lois
Lois
Just to say hi! Sorry you have joined us, but you will find loads of support here. The early days of uncertainty, and being out of control are often the worst. Hope they start treatment for you soon. best wishes Sunny xx
hi lois,
i,m sry your here hon but you will cope your natural body defences will kick in and fight.
hey its ok to be afraid and to be tearful
when you hit rock bottom the only way is up babe
ros is right think of one possitive thing to do each day that is just for you, how did the hairstyle go ros?
one day at a time babe
love
cee
Lois
Sorry about your dx but here you are in good company!
I was very tearful at the start but have 2 young children aged 1 and 4 so I had to keep playing, laughing and having fun for them - even when I didn’t feel like it. Although essentially that meant putting on a brave face it also meant the kids pulled me out of it very quickly - I didn’t get time to wallow.
This was never more the case than when I went in for my WLE. I’d never even spent a night away from them and I’m a full time mum so they’d gone from 24/7 mum to no mum for 5 days - how would they cope? And what about hubby - full time highly responsible job, visiting me, bathing kids, running the house etc, how would he cope?
In a nutshell I worried about them & everyone else worried about me.I transferred the worry from myself. So much so that I was laughing and joking with surgeon & anaethetist as the GA went in. I think bestie hit the nail on the head though because I was doing something to get rid of the cancer so I was happy to be sliced & diced in a way!
I think the main thing is go with the flow. Embrace the good days, go with the bad days and hope tomorrow will be better.
I don’t pay lip service to the cancer though - if it’s getting me down I’m angry with it. I try not to say what people want me to say -these days people want you to be positive all the time (I often think to make it easier for them!) but it’s not sustainable.
No one has a crystal ball and I think that for me when that finally sunk in (I secretly hoped the doctors had one that they didn’t tell anyone about) it helped. All the 5yr, 10yr stats, percentages of this and that have their place but I found that my coping place is somewhere between the crystal ball & the graphs.
It’s a roller coaster and I think we all cope because we have to - we don’t have a choice.
Good luck
Alison
xx
Llamalois
I was given both options i.e. mastectomy followed by chemo and radio, or chemo followed by hopefully breast sparing surgery then radiotherapy. I too have Grade 3 idc. There is no better outcome with one kind of treatment or the other so I chose the second optioin with the hope of sparing the breast. Had my first chemo yesterday.
Just get by as you can and you get loads of support and little ideas by talking to other people on here.
Let us know how you get on
Fiona
xx
Hi Lois,
I am sorry you’ve had to join us here but ‘welcome’. I have no doubt that you will find the support, comfort and advice you will get from this site invaluable as you commence your journey.
I was diagnosed back in March, age 34. I had a mastectomy and total axillary clearance a week after diagnosis. My tumour was grade 3, 4cm, hormone receptive, HER2 + and I had lymph node involvement. I started my chemo in May (at my hosp they tend to do surgery before chemo). I knew v.little about bc prior to diagnosis and it has been a very steep learning curve for me and those close to me.
How do you cope? Well, as many others have said, it is a very individual and personal thing. I found it better to cope when I actually started treatment. There was very little time between diagnosis and surgery and it all seemed very surreal at the time (it still does sometimes!), but as soon as I had the op I felt much better about things. Although I was gutted about losing one of my beloved boobs I was pleased that the tumour was being removed.
You do feel very out of control at times, and other people seem to be taking over your life. Things are discussed and decisions are made and at times we pretty much have to ‘take their word for it’. One way in which I tried to take control back was to shave my hair off after my first chemo session. I knew it was defo going to fall out and I wasn’t happy about just sitting around and waiting for it to happen, so I thought I would take control of the situation and got my OH to shave it off for me! My mates thought I was mad but the nurses at my chemo day centre thought it was prob the best thing to do.
I wish you well as you start on this journey. Do let us know what chemo you will be having and when you are goin to start it.
Take care,
Kelly
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Hi,
Just to let you know that I saw the oncologist yesterday and I am to have 4 FEC then taxotere and possibly herceptin (depending on her2 status of my cancer lump). I have seen some postings from some of you guys who have already started the same treatment and they have been really helpful. I must say I feel a whole lot better now that I know what to expect.
I am back at the hospital on Monday for chemo talk and tests I think, so hopefully I can start treatment next week.
By the way I agree with some of you who have discussed whether to have a drink (or two) before your first chemo, I certainly will.
Lois
Hi Lois,
its great that you now know what chemo you will be having. You are on a slightly different one to me (I’m on E-CMF) but as you say, there are loads of people on here that are on the same as you so I’m sure you will get loads of helpful advice.
I certainly found that I felt much better about things when treatment was starting and I knew what I faced. Its makes everything slightly less scary when you know whats gonna happen.
I wish you well for your appt next mon. Do let us know when you are due to have your first chemo,
Take care,
Kelly
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