Mine are:
Don’t trust my own body;
Less confident;
Don’t plan ahead too much in the future;
Don’t suffer fools gladly;
Don’t have any patience; and
I now realise that you find the strength from somewhere to deal with all the harsh things that life throws at you.
couldent of put it better myself I feel exactly the same as you, it isnt just the physical aspects of the disease its the emotional turmoil that it throws you into, best wishes suzan x
I always used to look forward to the future but now I am always afraid of what the next months will bring.Vx
All of those, Oscar, but re number 2, a feeling of great pride in myself for having coped with the last twelve months is giving me a different sort of confidence
Louise
Hi Ladies
Well I,m on my second round of chemo and ironically I,m more optomistic than last year.
Like you Oscar, I now don,t suffer fools gladly but on the other side of the coin I am more patient than I used to be. Everything used to be black and white but now I acknowledge that in life there are grey areas.
And strangely, I feel I am now a nicer person. I,m definately more considerate but maybe that,s because of all the kindness that has been shown towards me.
I live abroad and the community here have been brilliant, really caring.
I too am amazed how strong you can be when needs be.
Soo
I find I can’t be bothered with people who complain about really petty things. I’m very grateful I responded well to my treatment and just thankful for what I have; I’ve stopped worrying about things like needing a new bathroom, kitchen and stair carpet in my house as they are no longer big issues.
I have always been a strong person emotionally, but needed counselling for this. However, it taught me new ways of coping and got me more focused. After a very poor start to this year (when I thought I was emotionally well enough to get back into the swing but wasn’t) I am now ready to get on with 2009, be more proactive in the business we started 6 weeks before I was diagnosed. I also want to make more headway into the course I’m on and plough on with getting it finished.
In some respects the cancer has opened new doors for me and I have definitely calmed down a bit. I had a lot of stress in the 5 years leading up to this and I refuse to allow that into my life again.
I have thought about this all day as read it this morning.
Like others have said I have not been able to plan future events. However once i reached 3 years since Dx and clear i have begun to hope i am cancer free and have planned a few things. I even dream of my daughters getting married and grandchildren.
This brings me onto how i have changed, my WEIGHT is awful.
I have lost confidence in my body but hope to get fit in the new year.
I am more selfish, in that if i want to go anywhere or do anything i WILL DO IT.
Less careful with money, when DX thought whats the point of saving.
Can’t be bothered with naggin hubby about the house and doing things on it, As long as everyone is comfy thats fine.
My faith is stronger as for some reason i feel maybe i am closer to facing eternity.
Good post this and thought provoking.
Rx
It has affected my metal health to the degree of being off work with ‘depression’ and I was ‘only’ diognosed with primary BC had WLS and SNB, reds, now on Arimidex etc. No do not trust my body or feelings. Over 3 stone lighter, my breast size has gone from 36b to 32flat as a pancake(less breast for desease to recur!, was not overweight in the first place, so nearly a year on and I am in an emotional mess. I am almost a total recluse. I have to say I was not in a great place before DX but in a worse place now. BC affects us all so differently some are much stronged than others emotionally.
How am I?? difficult one really…when i was first diagnosed, i was absolutely petrified, truly, i couldn’t see how my life would ever get back on an even keel, couldn’t see how my husband would ever want to look at me again, let alone make love to me.BUT, what I have learned,so far, as it is only the early stage of this so called ‘journey’:
1…I am loved, for me,just as i am, by many many people, who have pulled out all of the stops for me;
2…that I am stronger than i ever thought possible;
3…that life really IS for living and I am planniing on being in Holland in March, to see my favourite band;
4…that it’s ok to be scared, because there will be someone there to catch me if, or when, i fall;
5…that I CAN cope without a nipple/areola, and so can my husband;
6…that I am still a desirable woman
7 …that human kindness comes in many guises and has no boundaries
8…that it’s ok to feel exactly how I want to feel at any given moment, on any particular day about this bloody disease…
Hi - How nice to have an opportunity to put thoughts into words…
I think I am …
More laid back - smalll hiccups in life just do not bother me - e.g. so what if I missed my bus, another will be along in half an hour.
Wanting to get on with things, not keep waiting until tomorrow … life is for living.
More honest about how I feel
Surprised at my own strength, emotional and physical.
Unfortunately suffering from bouts of depression and loss of confidence, but I can deal with this.
Less tolerant of people complaining about life especially people who corner you and list their ailments at parties…
More restless…
It has been interesting seeing what others have put…
hope you all have a Great New Year and life gets better and grows for you
Jacqui
Yes, definitley more restless - don’t feel the need to stay for any length of time anywhere - got better things to do . . . . . . . . .
Less tolerant
Def don’t suffer fools glady anymore
Speak my mind - sod it if I offend
Work to live - don’t live to work
If you don’t like my body shape anymore - tough, I’m on anti-cancer drugs - what’s your excuse???
Love my dog even more - he doesn’t care what I look or feel like - loves me as I am
Best Wishes Everyone - rant over
I agree with being a bit more laid back - OH tipped a cafetiere over our office carpet this morning and I can honestly say a couple of years ago I would have gone mad at him for being so clumsy. Today, I just helped him mop it up and put carpet cleaner on it.
I’ve developed loads more wrinkles!!!
xxx
Hi all
I agree with all of the above and have just realised this year that life is for living, so I ve been to ballets, Will Young Concert( he was fab) I’ve been to Spain in a villa with OH ( no kids a first for us)
I ‘ve had 3 weekends breaks in hotels
I’ ve even been to london just for the hell of it with my daughters & ended with a trip to Norwich to stay with a friend.
These are things I have always thought I will do later when kids have left home but now I say what the hell you only lived once and go for it…
Mind I love Valkyrie line If you don’t like my body shape anymore - tough, I’m on anti-cancer drugs - what’s your excuse???
I can’t wait to see what I will be doing this year ( hopefully theres some kind of reconstruction next year as frankly my sagging 38E boob is starteing to depress me.
Have a Good New year all
Heahter xxxxx
Hi all,
I’m somewhere between bloody minded and Mary Poppins!!
I have stopped keeping things at the back of the wardrobe for best and this year did the Christmas shop at Sainsburys in diamond earrings.
Kat xx
i have been thinking about this thread for a while as i think i have turned into a grumpy old woman, i cant put up with whinging people, like a woman kicking off in Asdas yesterday because a woman with a trolley went through the basket only till! so what? and i told her to stop being silly. People who think they are ill when they are not, my friends who whinge about there crap marriages, my friends who complain about getting old, Hello I want to get old, and i could go on…
I don’t 'sweat the small stuff ’ anymore and I can’t stand being around or listening to negative people moaning about stupid,trivial things! I live for every day!
Alli x
I find you prioritise things differently and housework and staying indoors are definitely low on the list. I also take exception to people who moan about trivia and have on more than one occasion remarked ‘I wish that was the only problem I have’ - some people lead charmed lives but dont seem to realise how lucky they are!
Do you know…contrary as ever I find a good moan about the inconsequential really helps with the big moans about will I die this year or not?..so I indulge my irritations with ill beahved people in supermarkets, sympthasise with stories of crap managers(with early retirement cause you’re dying of cancer, you lose the manager.) As for the BT on line help desk when your phone stops working and the dishawashrer mender man who didn’t turn up…such essentials of life take on a whole new meaning of moaning.
Mind you I do find details of trips abroad to exotic places make me want to hit the story tellers on the head…or wring their necks…
I have thankfully not become a saintly heroine and my epitaph will not be ‘another lovely kind woman lost’
Jane
Jane, You have cheered me up no end with your post. I am back working full time and the trivial stuff I am having to deal with is driving me mad but as you say this helps with the big moans I have. Yes, I hope I will not be described as saintly or lovely as I am neither. i like your dry and dark humour!
p.s. I am not going to exotic holidays so my neck may escape the wringer this time
Rachael