I celebrated my 10th wedding anniversary on Monday having being with my husband now for almost 15 years, we have a 4 yr old son. Perhaps its just the state of our marriage but I wonder how honest we are with our partners. Certainly the first year of my diagnosis and the following year, my husband was an utter rock, was always there for me whenever i needed him, and i could talk to him any time of the day about it, but this last year i dont know what has happened, it never gets discussed, if i bring it up its like he cant wait to change the subject, so feel very, very alone. I am now spending too much time browsing breast cancer sites when three years down the line perhaps I shouldnt be needing to do this so much ??
I feel I could talk about breast cancer all day as it is with me constantly, but my husband, family, friends are not talking about it. So its a bit like a pressure cooker !!!
max
Hi I can understand how you feel . I am two years after diagnosis and there are some days when I need to talk about it as if it was only yesterday. My husband like yours has been fantastic throughout it all but I think sometimes they need to move on and feel if they keep talking about it then all the memories come back too. My husband is always there for me but I know he would prefer just to look forward and not back. That is hard for us because in a sense we are always living with it. That is why this forum is so very good. You can come on and just share your thoughts and there is always someone to answer you.
I still talk to my husband about it - whenever I feel a need.but I do understand how you feel.
Keep in touch - we are all here for you.
is it that after the inital kerfuffle of diagnosis and dramatic bits of treatment, chaps (and others) think ok…well that is dealt with then so get on with it?
The truth, of course, is that having been diagnosed with cancer once, it’s always there hovering. I’m still in the middle of chemo but every time I find something that feels odd I think it’s another tumour - hmm this week i found a lump in the armpit on the other side to where i had cancer - panic stations… i was all ready to ring the doctor the next morning… but by that time it had resolved into a humungous zit!!!
Here at least, there are people who understand and you can let off steam without the pressure cooker blowing.
Take care
J x
cheers abcde & rjen2 for your replies i am so glad this forum is here, i feel it is my emotional blanket, dont know what i would do without it to be honest. perhaps thats why communication has broken down with my husband !!! as i prefer to come and browse and read breast cancer forums instead of actually talking to my husband !!! I dont know, but as i say at the outset and during my treatment, he was a rock, could talk to him anytime anywhere about all this and he was there for me, but now when i mention it, its as though he cant wait to change the subject. I did say to him recently about it and his response was “Just because i dont talk about it now doesnt mean i dont think about it, its still there with me too” still doesnt help the situation I just feel there is a void between us now…
I think i need to be seriously proactive here and take the bull by the horns and have a serious chat - things have been going on now for too long and i dont want things to get out of hand !!! and perhaps i need to start limiting my computer time lol
Hi Max
This is an interesting post.
I have realised that hubby and my daughters who arent kids they are 24,23 nd 20 just like to think that I am ‘fine’ now.
I have an appt Wed for possible re-ocurrence when i told my middle daughter she said ’ you have to be positive mum’ I just felt like crying.
Hubby always says ‘oh I am sure you will be fine’ He forgets he said that at DX.
Personally i dont think men do the emotional stuff well, I know my hubby doesnt like to think that life will change and emotional demands will be made of him.
The computer time is interesting i was only sayin to a friend recently how isolated it makes us when we are on a computer, isolated from family that is.
I have 4 books i am not making progress with and should spend less time here.
Rx
Hi R,
sorry to hear that you are undergoing a horrible time just now. I sincerely hope you do not have a possible re-occurance, Its such a worrying time and it must be hard on your husband and family too, they probably dont know what to say for the best, but I know how you must be feeling, you just want a bit more from them. I feel that with my husband, just wish it could be discussed more.
I had promised to cut down on the computer time today which I did but have spent a fair bit of time on it tonight !
THinking of you and hope everything is ok
My OH is amazing but my daughter doesnt really like me to talk about it.The computer time can be an issue so I tend to sit in living room and use laptop while he is reading or watchig tv.I read him bits and now that I dont go on chat on the other site every night[just about 3 times aweek lol]he is fine.There is nothing I dont tell him and he is always ready to listen.I am lucky I know.Vx