how should I feel?

Hello everybody

I found my lump 4 weeks ago, saw my GP two days later, waited two weeks to see a consultant. Had a mamogram, two ultrasounds with two different  consultants and a biospy. Then after another 9 days waiting was told that I have stage 1 grade 3 breast cancer.

I know this is a difficult time and a whirlwind of emotions is normal. But frankly I feel relieved. I’m relieved that I know what I have and relieved that the doctors know how to treat it. Relieved that my GP didnt tell me I was being silly and it was nothing. Relieved that I’m not waiting around, hiding my fears from the world. Relieved that I can tell my friends and family that actually, there is something wrong but it is treatable.

I’m wondering though if I should be feeling more empotional. Dont get me wrong, I’ve had a few tears, but mostly I seem to be walking around saying to everybody else - it’s ok. It’s only cancer. It’s not a death sentence. It’s just a word. It’s ok to say it outloud. I’m wondering if I’m still in shock because frankly, everybody else in my life seems to be more upset about this than me.I actualy feel less afraid now I know exactly what the lump is.

Am I normal or does everybody go through this stage? 


I’m so glad you posted this, I’ve been feeling exactly the same. I asked my friend the other day if there was some sort of diagnosis etiquette that I wasn’t following lol. I was a nervous wreck leading up to my dx (grade 3 idc triple neg 22/10/14) my mind was conjuring up all sorts, I was walking around in a haze, the minute the (my) oncologist said “I’m so sorry it’s cancer” everything came into sharp focus. My mind said “right you have to listen to exactly what he’s saying” I knew my husband was going to pieces next to me I could feel it eminating from him. He cried his heart out when they left the room to give is a minute. I didn’t cry & I wasn’t completly shocked if I’m honest I just thought right what have we got to do to beat this. I went for bloods and joked with the guy (which I feel a little bad for) he said I had to keep still that I was shaking. I said you’d be shaking to if you’d just been diagnosed with cancer. I called my mum on the way to my mammogram I thought I would cry but I didn’t even tho I could hear the tears in her voice. We got home & my mum & husband broke down and I told them they had to man up that I needed them to be strong so that I could be. I must admit i held on to my (then 11 month old) son for dear life & my husband picked my daughter (7) up from school. He broke the news to her I just couldn’t do it but I know I wanted her to know straight away. I called everyone I could think of and told them and I was fine & I kept thinking should I be fine? In the days leading up to my appointment I thought I would fall apart if it was bad news but I wasn’t I was being stronger than everyone. The next day I posted a fb status it was wear it pink day the next day and I thought something good has to come from this so I’ve kind of made it a mission to raise awareness to my friends (if it gets them talking about it to their friends that’s got to be good right?) I’ve updated my progress the whole way so far (I had to have a ct for stomach pain as they thought the cancer may have spread but luckily the ct was clear) and the support has been amazing. I’ve fallen to pieces twice since my dx once 2 days after when I got a letter in the post to say is lost my job. Never in a million years would I have thought I would be scrambling around trying to claim here there & everywhere but there you go. And just this Saturday when, after a week of treating my son for eczema herpeticum and finding out on Friday he has egg, nut, wheat & gluten allergies, my husband & daughter have caught a strain of it and both have hand, foot & mouth (it never rains!!!). On the whole I have been stronger than I’ve ever imagined I could be so far. Awaiting my surgery date at the moment x x