how to deal with a friend

how to deal with a friend

how to deal with a friend We all need friends in times like these.I have a friend that has been very good but I feel I am pushing her away as she seems to want to take my life over.She is a very bossy aggressive person by nature.When I start a conversation all she wants to talk about is her x daughter inlaw that has cancer and two girls at work that has breast cancer.also she likes to tell me what I can and cannot do.I find all this gets me down.I have limited her to an hour when she visits me as this is all I can stand.I feel terrible because she has helped me so much.She has asked me why I have gone like I am.I am not brave enough to tell her that she is doing my head in.This is the only one of my friends that I have a problem with.Anyone got any suggestions.Ruth

Hi Dodger what a predicament. You say you are not brave enough to tell her the truth, but it doesn’t have to be confrontational. Maybe tell her that you have a ‘new rule’ for helping you get through this, and that you don’t want to talk about anything to do with cancer when she visits, pick on a subject you would have chatted about before and say you want to chat about that. That way you won’t be confrontational, but it may give her the chance to realise that her topics of conversation have and affect on you. This does not rule out you being able to talk about breast cancer with any other friends, but gives some boundaries to that one friend who you obviously don’t want to offend.
Perhaps you have a mutual friend who could drop into conversation that you don’t find talking about others problems with cancer helpful?

Good Luck however you decide to deal with it.

T x

how to deal with a friend Hi Swizzelstick.
Thank you for your reply.I will take your advice.The only problem I have is my other friends do not want to come when they know she is here.She is a very confrontational lady.When you speak she tends to talk over you so all you get is her opinion.
I will have a word with my friends see if any can help out.
Thanks

Hello Ruth,

To get control of the situation you can be assertive without being confrontational, you can tell your friend what you want from her rather than what you don’t want. So, tell her how much you enjoy her visits but that breast cancer is not up for discussion. Ask her round just for half an hour and a cuppa - she may not realise that you are exhausted by her visits, when the time is up simply stand up and say
“I’m going for a lie down now, it’s been lovely to see you”.

True friends are people who totally understand you, you don’t have to work at the relationship and they don’t get the huff if you want time alone.

When I was recovering from my op I banned all visitors, the only one who got past my mum and daughter stayed for hours and gave me a blow by blow account of her neighbour’s bc, first in one breast, then the other, then mets in her lever. I still don’t quite understand why she felt compelled to tell me all that.

Good luck,

Lollypop

Hi Lollypop.
I have had a word with my friend and as I thought it has all gone pear shape.You just can’t make her understand we are at a stale mate now.Some people do not realise that we are still people with feeling yet all of a sudden we get treated like children.
I know what you mean about the neighbour my friend is like that stays for five hours at a time does your head in.
As you say a true friend would understand.She has been my friend from school.I think really she wants to get involved in everything as I have told her you are my friend not my family and they are told things first.
One day she may understand.
Ruth