ive had a masectomy, chemo, radio and lymph node clearance, finishing at the end of March.
Am not sure if I’m better! I feel I should be.Still tired and achey.
Emotionally am really struggling. I can’t understand if what I’ve been through is serious. Some sites say it is,husband was good at the time, but it’s like I had flu and he’s Now totally immersed in his work, which he hates, and doesn’t want to see me being tired or looking distressed.
His stress is making me incredibly anxious -he’s on his laptop endlessly. he can’t stand his job, we have to move…and he says I have to get the house done up to sell,and tackle the garden…I’ve not done anything on the house for a year so it’s overwhelming. and find a job. Which I would love to do, but again, I’m struggling to know what after ten years (!) raising a family. I feel it’s me time and I could concentrate on selling Namepictures - my illustrations of children’s names which I love to do, but he says to get a proper regular income in advertising where I used to work, but after ten years out, I think I’d be laughed at. I don’t know where or how to find work.
I know I’m being ineffectual but I’m getting more and more in a muddle and beginning to feel like I’m losing the plot. Help!
Leigh, of course what you’ve been through (and still going through) is serious! I’ve only just finished rads so don’t have any idea how I’ll feel a few months down the line. However, it sounds to me that you’ve so much going on in your life at the moment anyone would feel overwhelmed (if not scared) without the massive BC thing on top. I can’t offer any advice, but am sending you a big hug xx
Hello Leigh, first of all you are not being ineffectual! I had 2 lumpectomies last year, NO chemo, just rads and now hormone tabs, but am only really feeling myself now. The emotional side can often be quite a hurdle and you have been through a HUGE amount of physical and emotional turmoil. My hospital did a 6 week Wellbeing course, which I found of great benefit in many ways - one of which was meeting a group of similar women and we still meet up now. Also, don’t forget phoning Macmillan here, they have all sorts of people to offer help and support. You are having to face an awful lot of things at the moment - aside from ‘merely getting over’ all your treatment. Macmillan do a booklet which your husband might need to look at about how partners might help!! and to begin to understand what you have actually been through! Sending you a big hug and really hoping that you can get the support you need. We are always here for you. Christine xxx
i read your post this morning before heading off to chemo and it has been playing on my mind.
i think what you have been through is huge. I know how much I am struggling with all of this. The physical and emotional stresses are immense.
I do sympathise with your husband and the fact he hates work. But the multitude of actions he is suggesting are some of the most stressful life events and I can understand how overwhelming this all feels for you.I struggled just reading your note!
I echo the earlier post which suggested speaking the nurses on this site to get some reassurance about your own personal recovery and increase your confidence that it is very normal to be fatigued at this stage.
i would also suggest that you explore some counselling/life coaching either your own or with your partner. A good counseller/coachwould be able to help you work through these issues, prioritise them and work out an achievable action plan to help you move forward so it doesn’t seem such an insurmountable mountain. I know my local Maggie centre can help with this- but don’t know if you have these where are?
And, of course, use all the people on this site to lean on. They have been so helpful to me so far.
Wow, thank you sooo much ladies for your kind words. Its the first time I’ve posted so I didn’t know what to expect but I have to say what a lovely suprise when I checked tonight! to feel so encouraged by you is incredible. I’ve hugged y’all right back.
Lesley, Radio is wierd- for what it’s worth, my advice is go super easy on yourself when it’s over, even though you feel ok. ( relative term!). and then go even easier on yourself. It’s surprisingly hard to do!
Christine, thank you, I’ll get that leaflet, and call Macmillan. It’s wierd - it’s like I need to understand what I/ we have been through never mind husband. It’s somehow not fitting in my brain! But I’m glad you feel normal now, big thumbs up, I’m pleased for you x
and Anne, thank you too…it’s very reassuring to know that it is huge. It is isn’t it? I can’t seem to get my head round that. And somehow I can’t just forget it happened. I will definitely call macmillans tomorrow.and look into counselling. Certainly feel I need it - never felt so like I’m in freefall before. Beginning to be scary! I hope the chemo was ok. And that you’re snuggled up and being looked after. It’s an odd thing, this cancer lark. there’s so many stages, each one tests you in a different way.
It’s bizarrely reassuring to know others are also struggling with fatigue but I do wish none of us were! I have energy in the morning but then feel like I have flu the rest of the day. I’m hoping there will be some improvement, as I head back to work full time. I see the oncologist tomorrow and hoping she will give some hope this will pass! X
hi Leigh,
Sorry to hear you are going through this, but although it doesn’t feel like it, you are now recognising that he is showing a pattern of controlling behaviour & can start thinking about how you want to move forward on this.
It is not you.
This is more common than you think & there is advice & support out there, it is important you feel safe. You have already taken the first step by calling womens aid, there is
the ‘Survivors forum’ & your local area may have a ‘One Stop Shop’ service to talk things through, Citizens Advice’ or your local Childrens Centre will also be able to advise.
do take care
ann x
Leigh, Ann is so right and there is support out there, although sometimes tricky to find. good luck and take care of you. You have taken a big step in making that call. See if you can access some counselling to frame what you would both like and need to feel safe xx
Hi Lizred. It’s amazing what unites us all - genetics, lumps and amazing strength. Leigh you have sometimes posted on the fluffy cake thread. We were discussing harmful relationships yesterday. I lasted 15 years. 11 years on I’ve survived and thrived. I hope you are able to work together to find the right solution for you xx
Its hard to iagine what you’ve been through! However, it sounds to me that you’ve so much going on in your life at the moment anyone would feel overwhelmed. We are all here united by lump so just take it easy and don’t try to do too much!
