Husband not being very nice

Hi ladies
Is there anyone else here having trouble with there OH since been told you have cancer? Mine picked a big fight with me yesterday and chose to do it in front of the kids (1year 3and 4 years ) so he took the credit card and went out probably to get drunk still hasn’t come home… the problem is he will have a feel sorry for me hangover tomorrow and that’s the day I am getting mammogram results.(so could be more bad news) I don’t know what to do as I just don’t need this extra stress !! I feel like I have no time for his **bleep** as I have just been told I have breast cancer… we are normally good together of course we have a few ups and downs but generally okay… now I’m thinking if I die my poor babies will suffer how can I trust that he will do the right thing :frowning: I’m just feeling so sad x

Hi. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this too. Maybe he’s panicking and this is his way he can feel some control. My hubby fluctuated between being brilliant and being like my 4th child. There is a good macmillan book for partners. You should be able to get it from your BCN. I hope he’s home by now. You really don’t need this extra stress. In the end I stopped arguing with my hubby and concentrated on myself and the kids. My gp said I was the strong one who holds everything together. Sometimes though I just wanted to be looked after. Good luck with your results tomorrow xx

Hi Laww3,

 

Sorry you’re having to deal with all this extra stress on top of your diagnosis. As Bottyboo said, he is probably as scared as you are, men are not very good at dealing with their emotions, well most of them anyway.

 

My partner of 5 years left me shortly after my BC diagnosis but our relationship was on the rocks anyway.

 

He has had the cheek to start phoning me and leaving messages recently a year later! I told him he can’t just walk away when things get tough then breeze back into my life when the worst is over.

 

I’m sure your husband will come round, he’s probably still in shock. Once he has a chance to get his head around things hopefully you will both be able to sit down and talk about things. There are counselling services out there for couples and also for partners to have counselling on their own. The macmillan booklet that Bottyboo mentioned might help.

 

Good luck and best wishes with your treatment. The time will fly in and it will all be over before you know it.

 

H.x

So he came home at 7am … I really wanted to rip his head off but didn’t I understand how hard it is for him but I can help being a bit selfish about it all… Thank you all for replying and sorry for swearing xx

Hello Laww - I am sorry this happened. I kicked my ex out 7 years ago when his selfish behaviour became so utterly out of control. I wish I had done it a month after my youngest was born, when he showed all the promises he had made were just as empty as all the ones before. He was absolutely vile to me on my way back from day surgery for piles, so I am very very relieved not to have to deal with his inappropriate responses while I have this new adventure. My youngest has ADHD and has not been told, as he is very emotional and would find it too much for him at 16. So mostly I am solitary, although my friends are very good and my adult children know but take my reassurances at face value and don’t make a fuss. You say your OH is mostly good, so this particular incident is unusual - as the others say, he is scared and being frightened but unable to process the feelings leads to acting up and anger. Counselling and support from anyone looking after you is vital. Also, you being selfish and looking after yourself. I am lonely sometimes, and would love a new partner, but looking for one now feels very odd. I did tell one guy I was dating, and he just went very quiet. Not his responsibility and I didn’t expect him to step up. I do hope your OH takes a full part in caring for your children though (mine didn’t either). On we go…