Husband of BC Sufferer


Thought I was clock in as a husband of someone suffering from Breast Cancer.

We were diagnosed on Christmas eve after a fine needle aspiration and excisional.

Since then were have been up and down on that cliche of a rollercoaster!

We were happy that the DCIS was low grade and did not appear to have spread, then crestfallen that a mastectomy was suggested due to my wifes small bust and reconstruction on the other side too.

We talked the whole thing though all of christmas and built ourselves up for a double mastectomy with immediate reconstruction when our consultant fell ill and this caused a two week delay in getting an official treatment consultation.

When we finally got the appointment the consultant said he would have to go in again to make sure there was no high grade cells around (he was very careful you see in the first exisional and he was aware that my wife didn’t have much to spare anyway so he took the bare minimum)

So to cut a long story short we have been given a new date for the excisional and advised that the guy doing the pastic surgery bit might not want to do the other side at the same time, this has hit us for six as this means more stays in the hosptial and more operations (my wife is very anxious around hospitals and I fear this added sentence would have an extremely adverse mental affect).

We are hopefull of a lot of things now,

that the DCIS remains low grade
that the surgeon will take my wifes mental state into mind when giving us options of surgery.
and that the surgery will be done in time for a holiday we have planned in September.

Unfortunatly this was not the start of our life struggles as we had to go through a year of fertility treatment recently without any results (for anyone that has experianced this the monthly agonies can be a huge strain).

we were just picking our selves up and becoming accustomed to our situation when this happened.

Sorry about the long winded post but once I get going I can’t stop!

Reading through this post it sounds like my Wife is a frail little thing but I assure you she is not, she is strong and is handling this brilliantly.

I have no expectations with regards to handling things, if she falters I will be there. If she’s strong I’ll adapt and let her take the reins again.

I read about partners not willing to discuss the details and feel a bit sad as being so knowledgeable is probably helping us get through this more than ever, I spend a lot of my time at work on forums such as this trying to learn all I can so that I can make suggestions/and confer with my wife about treatments and options.

I know what to expect after the mastectomy and I will say this, it doesn’t scare me one bit!

I guess I wrote this for the family members who don’t know how to handle their partners and don’t know what the right thing is to say,

I think the truth is that there is no right or wrong thing to say, don’t judge, don’t dismiss and give lots of hugs and guys its time to get a bottle of massage oil and give those backs and feet a massage, at least every other night. Its amazing how much it relaxes your partners.


Just seen your thread having responded to your comments on my thread.

Definitely important for a site like this to provide info and support for partners.

Hopefully we can keep each other going.

All the very best

Alan exactly, we are in it for the long haul so the more support we can give and recieve the better :slight_smile:

Heard that she is back on the ward and is fine off to visit tonight - crisis now is 7 year old son with nose bleed!

Good to meet you on this forum; Take care

hi guys ,just had alook in as i want to understand what my husband may be feeling, i started chemo week before xmas. He has always been a very emotional type but never likes to talk about things, keeps everything bottled up which does him no good in the long term.He has had a few tears with his friends tho, and with his parents when we told them. Which i think helped.

Just thought you partners would like to know how important your support is!
I had a mastectomy and reconstruction in August last year and have just finished chemo, and my OH has been with me all the way. The best thing has been all the reassurances he has given me that I am still sexy and attractive to him. That, and his fantastic sense of humour! He has made me laugh even through the horrid bits, and kept me from getting too low. He has had a lot of support from his colleagues at work, and I know he ‘unloads’ on his friends which has kept him sane.

Its all about looking after your support network - the carers need looking after too! So keep talking to each other !