Hi everyone. I haven’t posted for a while as we have moved house and I love it.
When we moved I packed up and unbacked boxes galore and carried on with the housework etc as normal wearing my compression sleeve and glove because of my lymphodema.
I had a mastectomy and lymph mode removal on 17th Devember 2009. Grade 3, widespread dcis, 2 lymph nodes positive, er and pr positive and her2positive. Just finished my last chemo on Friday 21 may. Am on herceptin, starting rads on 16 june fo three weeks.
Thing is husband can’t cope with doing that bit extra of house work, putting up pictures (he did one I did 9 yesterday). I still find it hard to accept that i have BC and the sides effects of taxotere make it that bit worse. I try and telle husband how I feel, how I’m frightened and he told me yesterday that I have to learn to accept what i have and see a therapist otherwise our marriage is finished!!!
He has said everything is depressing him, his work, the new house which he has said is a bottomless pit. I’m not working, am getting ssp his salary is good and every Saturday morning and some evenings he goes to golf. He says it is his release and the only thing he enjoys.
I feel on my own. My friends are great as is my family as is my husbands family who say when he talks to them about me it’s all doom and gloom. It’s almost as if he loves that fact that I have BC. He never cuddles me, sits in the lounge laughing at the tv while I’m clearing up, washing, ironing, making the beds etc and watering the plants.
This is my rant. Perhaps he’ll feel better when I’m
back at work again. He actually cried when my mum sent me alot of money when we moved and then went absolutely bonkers when I paid £54 for my son’s MOT!
Anybody else having the same problems?
yes me to unfortunately! its that bad im going to make an appointment to see a solicitor this morning. i ve just started to feel better in myself and he seems intent on bringing me down but i will not allow him to! if that means we are finished then so be it!
sue
Hi mnc
Firstly well done you on the move! it is a stressful time at the best of times, but having to cope with bc and all the baggage it brings with it!
Good Luck with the rads!
Sounds as though your husband is depressed, perhaps your bc is an excuse for him to let out all his feelings, re: his job! the new house! did he want to move? perhaps he feels he has taken on too much!
I doubt very much if he ‘loves the fact you have bc’ we all cope in our own way, if his way is playing golf then so be it, he needs an outlet. To have cried when your mum sent money, sounds to me he is stressed. Some people can be cruel when they are stressed. Your post reminded me of another, so l looked back and saw you posted something very similar in April, it was suggested then you contact
cancercounselling.org.uk/ did you follow their suggestion? if not perhaps it is worth a try?
Do you have a bc support group that you go to? They are very helpful and would point you in the right direction to help groups.
Please try and get help, l don’t think you should try and work your way through this, you both sound as if you need a little guidance.
Well done for getting through the chemo!
Good Luck
Sandra xxx
Hi Sue,
There was me giving him the benefit of the doubt! thinking who would be so cruel! But obviously there are those out there that do like to bring people down! So sorry you are having this problem, but well done for doing something about it!
Take care
Sandra xxx
MNC
I am sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time with your husband. It sounds very much to me as if he isn’t coping with it all (I am assuming he wasn’t like this before BC). I know it is difficult to get men to go to counselling, but it sounds as though he really needs some.
In the event, if you can’t persuade him to go maybe it would do you good to have some to work out what you need right now.
Take care of you.
HC xx
so sorry about what is happening to you. he does sound depressed though…my doctor actually asked how my husband was coping!!perhaps you should talk to your gp
keep positive and do what makes you happy…love to you
Thank you everyone for your responses. I saw the gp this morning and he is arranging for me to have some councelling. He agrees that it is difficult to accept that one has BC and understands my fear of dying. It was so understanding and sympathetic and reassuring. I may get my husband to come with me.
Hope everyone is okay.
Love xxxxxx