Husbands, boyfriends, dads

Hi all hope you don’t mind me starting this thread but I really need to know how your OH, or dad’s coped with diagnosis. As lots of you know it’s my mum who has bc with liver mens, treatment starts Monday but my dad has fallen apart. He’s horrific, docs have given him.tablets buts he’s had reactions to.them so he can’t take them so we are back to uncontrollable crying, wretching, throwing up and his depression is ridiculous. We’ve managed to get him a therapist appointment Thursday but mums treatment means she’s obviously gonna get worse before she gets better and I don’t know how he’s gonna manage. I’m tempted to move home for a while but that meand leaving my poor bf. I’m trying to be strong but I’m at the end of my tether.
How did your lovely partners cope? Or dad’s if your in my position

Goodness, you have a lot on your plate fergal. Is it helpful for your Mum your father goes to her Onc appointments with her? My OH copes as best he can as does my D. I was diagnosed with secondaries in my early 40’s so D was much younger and it was stage 4 from the beginning so all a bit of a shock. Your father really does need help doesn’t he, this is not good for your Mum, for any of you. How about a call to the BCC helpline to see what they might suggest, was thinking of you rather than your Dad making the initial call. Or Macmillan. It’s not easy but I do feel for your Mum, does she see this uncontrollable crying and vomiting? This is only the beginning of a long journey for your Mum. There will be ups and downs and hurdles all along the way.
And I do so feel for you too. Keep in touch with us. Speak to BCC, good luck. X

We were told he would have to wait 3 months for therapist appointment but mum took him to Cancer centre by where we live and they got him in for Thursday. Hoping the doctors can give him something else taking them both out for Sunday lunch today as mums treatment starts tomorrow so that’ll hopefully help a bit. He’s better when I’m around but not great. I’m tempted to move home for a few weeks to try support them (I see them everyday anyway) I’m at my wits end already lol

Hi fergal, sorry to read that you are having such a difficult time at the moment, as Belinda has suggested, please feel free to call our helpliners for further support. Lines re open tomorrow 9am on 0808 800 6000

Take care
Lucy BCC

Thanks gill x

Hi EJ yeah not too bad, mum can’t have the docetaxol as she had an allergic reaction to it so just on herceptin and pertuzumab as don’t wanna lose funding. We are finding that scary as I suppose we are programmed to want chemo and without it worry more. Dad’s having up and down days still although his anti depressants are helping a little. Still all petrified and trying to keep everyone busy we had a family bowling trip today for my brothers birthday and was great to see mum and dad both laughing and having fun. Pity it doesn’t last when reality creeps back in. Still all very scared, uncertain of what’s coming and just hoping for the best really.

A long waffle I know but nice to sometimes write it all down x

Hope everything is good with you

There’s been good results on herceptin and pertuzumab so they’re not gonna risk affecting that by trying other chemo yet as they wanna see how she reacts to these drugs. There’s the possibility of chemo down the line if needed

Andy it honestly does. He saw a councillor a few weeks ago, goes back next week. Him and mum are off in the campervan for a few days before mums next round of treatment. Dad works with mum it’s only the 2 of them so he’s really down going to work on his own and I think that’s when he has his darkest moments. Doctor gave him some antidepressants which have helped a little

Mum had a reaction to chemo so couldn’t have it which has also got us all worried but they’ve a plan on what they wanna do which is the main thing.

Wish your wife well from me, what’s her plan regarding treatment