I need some advice to get over a hurdle. I had my single mastectomy on 20th December, all healing well. Plan is to have a DIEP at a later date.
I was recommended La Roche Posay cicaplast balm so I treated myself to some. My friend said her lumpectomy scar is almost minimal from using it. The problem is I just can’t bring myself to touch my scar. I have what I think will be a dog ear at the end which is under my arm, currently it’s a little swollen and pointy. The rest is perfectly flat, it’s just so big.
It doesn’t feel like me and I’ve tried touching it but I can’t run my hand along it like I’d need to to put cream on. I’m trying to gently wash it with a flannel as the glue is still on it (bit fluffy from my comfie) but even that is too much.
Has anyone else felt like this? I know I have to get through it, but tbh I touch it and certain parts physically make me recoil like when you touch something hot. I’m crying writing this as I can’t spend my life hating my body. I’ve always been reasonably body positive, but right now I want to hide that part of me away forever.
My heart goes out to you lovely lady. It is traumatic, it is huge but they have taken the cancer so that’s worth a it’s good it’s gone maybe & can help you come to terms a little better over time. That was the thought that helped me get there (had mine done in October). I would also say it’s still early days for you & possible the dogs ear may settle down-mine has as has a big crease in my cleavage. Swelling can last a while post-op. You’re here & it was found that’s the most important thing. I’m no expert but it sounds like it would good for you to speak to someone. I do know Penny Brohn offer scar therapy so might be worth looking at that to see if it may help you as it sounds very tough for you right now. If you’re struggling to touch it right now maybe also treat yourself to some of the silicone strips so that you can just place that over your scar for now to help it heal and fade. You won’t need to touch your scar for that-you just stick it over the scar.
Sending you so much love and hugs kittens. I’m so sorry you are going through this. I can’t imagine how you are feeling I only wonder if you have tried with your eyes closed? I think that’s where I would start
I had my mastectomy on the 23rd and still have the dressings on until I go back to the consultant on the 15th but I think I will be in a similar state. I don’t even like looking at the area to wash it and am dreading the dressing removal - I think I am just going to have to be really patient with myself.
I like @foxgem suggestion of doing it with your eyes closed, I think that’s where I will start. I know logically that it’s for the best as the cancer has been removed but it’s definitely hit me harder than I thought - we need to be patient with ourselves xxx
Sending so much love and so sorry you had to go through this.
A few suggestions adding on to @foxgem
Could you use a soft glove so you aren’t touching it directly with your hand?
Or put the cream on something and rub it on or dab gently?
When you are ready.
Sending even more love and hugs x
I found it so hard having the dressing removed. My partner did it 48 hours after surgery. Glad he did it as I was allergic to it so was extremely itchy, also it took an hour as it was very sticky/painful plus seeing it was so emotional. We both cried. I knew it would be flat, and I’d seen pictures of others, but it really is flat. The flatness really shocked us both. My scar goes from my right boob all the way under my left arm and just out the other side. I might measure it actually. I’m sure it’s about 10 inches long.
It easier to look at it now when looking down but looking in the mirror is like a slap in the face. It’s a real ‘cancer took part of me’ and it’s gutting.
I also think @foxgem’s idea of trying it with your eyes shut is a great way to start you off. Also try putting on some motivating music in the background. I think I’d still be sporting my surgical strips if it hadn’t have been for Madonna!
With regards to the “dog ear”. I had an excision biopsy for a suspected melanoma just over a year ago, which thankfully came back benign, but the scar had this same feature you describe at the very end, like a little flap, and it did actually go away on its own so you might find this settles eventually.
Please take your time with this. It’s such a big change with a lot of emotional impact and you don’t have to come to terms with it ASAP. x
I’m so sorry to hear this and it’s perfectly understandable - I think many people will have had similar feelings . I had dissolvable stitches rather than glue and just a lumpectomy but there was a sticky residue from the dressings that made me itch like crazy so I was the other way and couldn’t wait to get the dressings off and my Bio Oil on as that helped remove the sticky stuff . It did feel a bit weird touching the actual wound though.
I’m wondering if it would help you to buy some clinical gloves from the chemist and put those on to apply the cream - that way you won’t actually be touching your skin and you wouldn’t be looking for sensations you would normally have felt because you’re wearing gloves . That bit of distance may allow you to treat it as just a task as well.
I got some silicon strip on line which can be washed and reused and does help the scars become silvery after a long time. I was allergic to everything and had an itchy very red skin rash all over my upper body. It was lockdown so all I could do was try and stop scratching it.
I eventually got referred to a hospital for allergy testing and was allergic to all sorts of additives to creams and lotions. Unfortunately these have very long names sometimes several long names for the same things!
I am not telling you that you are lucky but that things will improve in time. All my scars look silvery now including my tum one that stretches from one hip to the other.
I have undergone a single flat mastectomy. I know there will never be any chance of reconstruction. It is very difficult when I always thought the best part of my body was my bust, now I have to live with a softie which is uncomfortable by the end of the day.
I know it is a reminder of what is happening to you, but be kind to yourself, there is no rush to accept just look at a small part each day. Get a cushion and give yourself an enormous cuddle. The scars will heal and it will be different but it won’t look as bad as you think it does eventually. Sending you lots of love x
I too, felt & feel like this - I really miss my breast. When going through radiotherapy I told the team I was unable to look at myself let alone put moisturiser on.
They suggested an aveeno spray - I used to close my eyes and spray it on. I kid you not but it did mean i didnt have to rub it in.
My heart goes out to you. I felt the same after lumpectomy last April. Initially I couldn’t look at the scar, and couldn’t touch it without retching. A lot of tears were shed. My partner took over applying E45 to it, whilst I looked the other way. We carried on like this for a week or so. Eventually I took over and did it myself, but without looking at it. As time went by, I was able to look at it whilst applying cream. All this is to say that it’s very early days, be gentle with yourself, and as time passes you may find that your reaction softens. I wish you all the very best
Thank you all so much for your kind replies. It really has helped. It’s very reassuring to know I’m not the only one feeling like this.
I had a go at @foxgem suggestion of touching with my eyes closed and did this in the shower and it did help a little. Thank you.
I’ve just watched a BCN video on YouTube with a scar specialist and one of the nurses. It was really useful. Definitely recommend it. I think it was called ‘Scars and Cording’. On that, I’ve now realised I’ve got cording from the node clearance. I spoke to a nurse at the breast unit today and she’s doing an urgent physio referral for me.
I need to find a way to get some of the glue jff the scar as it’s like sandpaper. Any suggestions?
Thank you again for the lovely advice and kind words.
Well done @2kittens you are doing amazing! What an absolute queen I love that watching one of the videos had helped you and I wonder if the physio will also help you come to terms with your scar also. I had physio last year for neck pain and it really helped me appreciate my body and connect with it more. You might find the physio helpful in that sense also
Well done @2kittens - I hope you get some help with the cording soon and keep stretching and doing what the video says . Maybe something oily or ordinary art moisturising cream might help soften the glue and if you did feel able to massage gently after that has soaked in it might start to break up. I know it can be very tenacious stuff though so perhaps your BCN or Practice Nurse at your surgery might be able to help with that . Xx
There is a lot of light at the end of the tunnel so try not to get disheartened, I am sure its all very raw right now but it gets better, time is your friend. I had the same operation a year and a half ago and have been cancer free since then. I didn’t have the option for a Diep either at the time but your timing is also pertinent to where i am at right now so my experience might help.
Firstly I miss my breast as it was lovely and matched my other breast perfectly but I wouldn’t be here if it still was.
This is the way I got through it:
I didn’t bother with any creams or massage (I also got an infection so it took doubly long to heal) . I am genuinely not sure how much they really help. This meant I didn’t need to touch it if I didn’t want to. My scar is very faded now.
I wear the NHS provided bra and insert when I go out and feel the need, all my friends have said they forget that I have only one breast. - They are not the type of friends to say things they don’t mean - we have. a lot of banter between us.
I wore it as a badge of honour, ie I beat cancer and a reminder that I did. I went to Crete on holiday 6 months later and my swimming costume clearly didn’t hide anything - I got zero comments from anyone. I was ready if I did to say I beat cancer ( remembering why I looked as I did)
I attended the Moving Forward from Cancer course and met a bunch of other ladies who had also been through similar experiences. I was cynical but I ended up keeping in touch with 4 of them and they helped inform my next decision and talked about their experiences.
I have now decided to have the diep flap operation - I am ready for it as its a more major op but I think this last year and a half has helped me realise that this is a journey of acceptance and loving yourself again including your body.
Thanks for starting this thread - I miss my left breast so so much too & the scar is pretty unsightly. Does it ever settle? I fear how good a reconstruction can look. X
I had forgotten about getting cording after my mastectomy in 2022. I was pleased when I found out how to massage it - as it was on the left side and I am right handed it wasn’t as difficult as all that but stretching and massaging plus warming it up worked wonders and it did help me feel more in control.
It wasn’t long before stretching and creeping up the wall made me get the movement in my shoulders much more elastic and relaxed. I just kept doing the exercises at the number in the physio guide I was given after surgery. I don’t know if your hospital gave you a physio therapy exercise plan after your operation but if you google on line you should be able to find one. Good luck
Yes. I was exactly the same. I felt ashamed to admit it to my surgeon. I did not look at myself and I didn’t want to touch it. I took baby steps. I would squint and blur my focus, not looking directly at the scar. I just needed to know i was in the correct place before trying to clean the wound myself. It took me maybe an hour and a half to hype myself up. I was so sick to my stomach from emotions that I had to make sure I didn’t faint or vomit. The skin is partially numb, but the mind is compensating and it feels terrible. I know. I did baby steps. Touching near and just blocking it out. Then taking a break. Deep breathing and preparing a reward in my mind for accomplishing the goal. I zoned out. Each time it got longer and closer to the scar. I looked at it a little longer. Somehow, after a month and a half, I can look at it without getting sick. Touching it involves dissociation at this point. But with repetition, we desensitize ourselves, and it gets easier. You will see. Another way to trick the brain is to present multiple stimuli at once. Music, lights, smells, a podcast running, a reward at the end, a stopwatch, etc. The brain gets confused a little about where to put its attention and you push through. Eventually, you will disconnect the emotions from the scar and you will feel so much pride and courage. Good Luck. I’m sorry. Box breathing.
I love that watching one of the videos had helped you and I wonder if the physio will also help you come to terms with your scar also. I had physio last year for neck pain and it really helped me appreciate my body and connect with it more. You might find the physio helpful in that sense also