I did not go through with Chemo today, feeling terrible.

I was booked into have chemo today at my local community hospital. I turned up as composed as I could be. I was expecting to have the cold cap but when I go there I found out that they do not do cold capping at this hospital. No one had told me this. I was managing my anxiety up to that point. They asked me what I wanted to do, stay and have the chemo or wait for the next appointment at the main hospital where they do do cold caps. I just froze and could not make a decision, I found my self unable to cope with anxiety about it all and my feelings about having the chemo. After half an hour of crying I decided to leave. It was not so much the hair issue but the change of plan at the last minute which would have resulted in me having the chemo while stressed out coming to terms with a decision I had only just made! It was so much work to getting my self relaxed in the first place. My cancer was a grade 2 with no lymph node involvement so been agonising about wether to have chemo or not in the first place. So much stress.
Now at home wishing I had just got on with it…

Kirstykat, what a horrible thing to happen to you. You gear yourself up to your first chemo session (I’m on my first cycle, so can sympathise) and then something totally unexpected happens like that…

 

But while you’re at home trying to work out what to do next, why not compare the options carefully before commiting to the chemo again (presuming that’s what you decide to do).

 

You say you were going to have treatment at your local community hospital. Is that more important than potentially losing your hair? Is it easy to get to from your home? As treatment continues a shorter journey might be very important. Are the staff friendly and supportive? - very important. I live in London so have no idea what a local community hospital might be like, but it sounds better than an enormous NHS place if the treatment is equally good.

 

I’m trying the cold cap but found the first session very uncomfortable and if it doesn’t work for me I will stop it at the first sign of thinning and embrace baldness and wigs!

 

Having to rethink everything at the last minute must have been appalling. Have a good night’s sleep (if possible) and make your decision tomorrow morning. Good luck, and keep in touch with us all - plenty of support here.

 

Kirstycat I’m so sorry to hear you had such a horrible experience today. I would of totally freaked out as well as it’s hard enough getting your head around what to expect with your first chemo but to be hit with no cold cap when you had mentally prepared for it poor you! I’m glad you didn’t do anything you may of regret I think I would have done the same as you to. I hope they arrange your next date ASAP to stop you worrying. The person how you rang for support was not very helpful! How you are feeling is perfectly normal I have just finished 6 FEC 4 and half weeks ago and how you describe your anxiety levels is exactly the same as how I felt. I built myself up before starting as it is scary not knowing I couldn’t sleep it was on my mind all the time especially at night time and I had anxiety attracts when trying to sleep where I felt I couldn’t breath. I did consider needing to get anti depressants but decided to wait and see how I was after the first chemo I also used the cold cap which was a great success. Your dx is the same as mine grade 2 no lymph involved. My experience in FEC was no where near as bad as I thought it was going to be you can still have a life and function you do get tired towards the end but all manageable and if you do have side effects there are medications to help so make sure you tell your breast care nurse or chemo nurses and they will sort you out. I hope you can relax and get some sleep your next start date I hope goes smoothly sending a big hug xxx tracy

Thank you so much for the information…I didn’t think the chemo worried me so much as i just accepted it would happen ,now there s a possible choice for some reason I am now really scared about the whole thing. I have
read so many posts…perhaps to many…to see what to expect…some handling it well some really nasty side effects so I’m stuck in the
…how would i feel if it came back and i had decided against it… thought ! I need to stop thinking to hard and step back and wait for the oncologist…Is it normal for all this dx to take over every waking minute or is it just me??? Wax x

Best wishes with your next appointment wax. I think things get easier once you have decided on a course of action, it’s perfectly understandable to be thinking about it a lot until you decide, you are processing a lot!. Good to also have breaks from it all if you can xx