I Didn't Think I Would See This Day .......

… in 2006 but tomorrow my baby starts his first day at school.

Back in 2006 I had just lost my 4 year old daughter to cancer, I had a 2 year old toddler to look after, was 30 weeks pregnant and dx with breast cancer within 3 months of my daughter’s death. Life then was looking extremely grim. In my darkest days I didn’t think I would see any of my children go to school.

But, tomorrow is the big day and no doubt I will be crippled with so many mixed emotions but at the same time so happy that I will get to see this day.

To anyone out there who has a bc dx, pregnant or not, I hope you get to see these days too. Love xxxx

I am so very glad that you have today.I wish you many milestones passed,many years of joy and good health to enjoy them.Is it your youngest child who has started school?
Love Valxx

Thank you for your good wishes Val.

Yes, it is my youngest who is starting tomorrow. Seems all the more poignant as I was told by my onc not to have any more children so this will be my last time too. I just seem drawn to this forum tonight. Love xxx

Hi swissmiss

Thanks for sharing, you have been through so much. Hope your little boys first day is a very happy one.

Lots of love to you


Swissmiss, I just had to come on and send my best wishes, tomorrow will be a monumentus day and poignant too no doubt, for what might have been, your loss is something no one should ever have to go through.

On the plus side, I wish you many good days ahead to share with your family and thank you for posting this news.

Bon courage!

Thank you Jayne and Peacock

Yes Peacock, you are so right about missing what might have been - it is very hard some days to look at my daughter’s friends and classmates at school and see how they are growing. As well as missing her dreadfully we are constantly wondering what she would be like now. Love xxx

Swissmiss, it’s definitely inspiring to know you’re looking back on the dark days I’m going through at the moment (to some degree), four years on.

I have to stop myself thinking about the future because I’m terrified there isn’t one for me. It seems too good to be true that I’ll see this baby I’m carrying go to school.

I hope you’re filled with pride and happiness tomorrow and that cutting those apron strings isn’t too bad! Secondary school before you know it :slight_smile:


I remember that day so well…thinking about that day at times was the only thing that kept me going through all the darkness, fear and isolation of the treatment and it’s aftermarth. Thinking about you tomorrow, what a milestone in your lives.

Take care
Becks xxx

Hi Jane

Not sure where you are up to at the moment as I have only recently come back from hols so haven’t been able to catch up on everyone. You mention dark days (don’t forget the nights too - they are the worst when demons come out!) so I take it things haven’t been going too well? Hope you can both hang on in there to get through this crap time.

I know what you mean about being terrified of the future - I still am. When milestones are reached I feel happy that I have been around to see them but then panic about the next milestone, will I see it? I feel as though I am almost in a hurry to see my children grow up, I just desperately want to be around for them but then don’t we all.

Take care both of you. Love xxx

Hi Becks

Just read your post ‘my story’ and am so pleased that you have got through 7 years - I wish!!! I think I remember some of your previous postings from when you were coming up to 5 years post dx. I haven’t dared think about secondary school yet but your story gives me hope - just maybe!! Love xxx

Swissmiss,its lovely to read that you have reached such a momentous occasion.Enjoy being a very proud mummy on your sons special day,I am sure your daughter will be with you in spirit.

Thanks Dot for your good wishes. I am sure my gorgeous girl will be with us all in spirit even more so tomorrow. As well as my husband and my other two children, she still keeps me going and still plays such a huge role in my life. I take my inspiration from her. Love xxx

Dear Swissmiss
Wonderful, thank you for sharing this with us, you are a real inspiration. There is nothing worse that loosing a child. She will always be with you.
Hugs Maria

Thank you Maria, yes she is always with me.

Got plenty of tissues to hand for now and for tomorrow!

Love xxx

Hello Swissmiss, Hope tomorrow makes you smile…if you do shed a tear I hope it is a happy one. You are an inspiration. Life can be tough but it makes the good times even sweeter. I was fairly young when I was diagnosed and thought I wouldn’t see my children grow up…but I did and I bless each day. I am sorry that you have lost a daughter. That must have been hard for you and your family. One day at a time. Will be thinking about you tomorrow at the school gates . Val X

Hi Swissmiss

You beaten me to it!

I was going to post a similar thread.

When i was dx my youngest son was 21 months old… and today he starts school…a day i never thought i would see!

Good luck at the gates x

Dear Swissmiss,
Your story absolutely moved me to tears. I cannot believe the misfortune that has come your way and to lose a child,- that’s a pain I couldn’t even begin to imagine. And then to go through the rest… you are truly an inspiration, to pick up the pieces after that you are amazing.

My children were 6 and 7 when I was diagnosed. The pain of thinking I would not see them grow up is, I’m sure, one that many on here can relate to. At the time, i never thought that I would see them leave primary school. Here they are today, my youngest is starting his 2nd year at secondary and my daughter is starting her third!

Enjoy the day, what a wonderful mummy your son has and your daughter will be with you always, so proud of her mummy XXXXX

… well, I did see this day today and tried to take it all in but it was over in a flash. My little boy didn’t even look back at me, bit gutted he didn’t but if he had I think that is when the tears would have started. As it turned out it wasn’t until I got home that I became overwhelmed by it all so had a good cry. His big brother looked after him at play time and before we knew it home time was upon us.

Scottishlass - I hope I can finally have some good luck on my side for once and see my two children grow up like you have with your children. Your story gives me hope but I really daren’t think that far ahead.

Happyshopper - again, your story gives me hope. You are right in that the pain of thinking you won’t see them grow up is something a lot of us on this site can relate to - this is why I felt I needed to post on here yesterday - I knew everyone would understand.

lolly73 - I hope you managed to enjoy your little boy’s first day at school. For all parents their child’s first day at school is always a day to remember but when in the position that we are in, just being there and having those memories is so precious. We cannot afford the luxury of taking things for granted. We have to make the most of every day. Maybe one day we can both post at the same time about secondary school - well, we can dream!

Take care everyone and thank you for your kind words. Love xxx