I hate cancer

Well another one of my husbands perfect friends has announced she’s knocked up with number 3! Grrrrrrrr I’m so angry at what cancer has made me feel like, ofwhat it’s taken away from me, of how it’s made me put my life on hold I’m stuck in limbo land not knowing what is ahead. Can’t foster or adopt for three years and don’t know if I’ll be able to have children. I’m sick of being the girl who had breast cancer I want to go back to being me.
Sorry if this is a rant wanted to get it off my ( rather wonky) chest xx

Hi Butterfly
I completely understand how you’re feeling. It seems like we’re in a pretty similar situation. I have a close friend who up until 3 weeks ago, she and I were discussing strategy on how to get pregnant! I’d found out I was pregnant in Jan this year, but sadly lost it the same week we found out. Then, in march, I discover the lump. After successful WLE and SNB, I was told the news that although the pathology was good, clear, it was a grade 3 cancer and ER. So on top of Rads, I also have to have a 6-cycle course of chemo (starting Tuesday) and a 5 year course of Hormone therapy. This may well render me post-menopausable, and therefore infertile. We applied for funding from the East Midlands PCT to have embryo’s frozen only to be refused on the grounds that we didn’t meet the EM PCT criteria. These being a) we are already considered as having children because my partner has 3 from his 1st marriage, even though I have played no part in their upbringing, have only met one of them once and I haven’t had any children myself; b) According to the East Midlands PCT, Breast Cancer isn’t considered an extenuating circumstance for funding!! and c) I am not yet infertile, even though the point was to try and preserve my fertility because once the cancer treatment is over, I may well be infertile but won’t have any eggs to do anything with!! Numbnuts… Grrrr
So, as you can see, I also feel angry, bitter, how unfair this all is, not just one crappy thing to deal with in the cancer, but now having to face a childless future… We are considering adoption but was curious as to why you say you can’t foster or adopt for 3 years…?
Keep attacking, we’re all in it together and it’s good to get stuff of our wonky chests every now and then. Helps maintain some degree of sanity… xxx

Rant all you need. WE understand, even if other people don’t.

Hello Girls,

I do understand completely as i get very very angry at being in limbo, i feel i have been in limbo for years as it is as we have been trying for a baby for 4 years and i am 33 now. When we was trying i felt like i was getting bitter about everyone else having families so easily and after a long long ordeal of tests etc we were finally two weeks away from having IVF (my partner has low sperm count but no problems with me) we had the drugs ready to take in the fridge, we thought this was going to be our happiest year ever by getting pregnant but no it wasnt to be. I was diagnosed as i said two weeks before the IVF but luckily because we was so far into it they allowed me to go ahead and take the drugs and have egg retrieval, we are in a very lucky position where 8 embryos were frozen. I know from reading your posts at how lucky we was. I just hate this cancer so much for now giving me another 5 years of waiting for what we have dreamed of, and even then i fear a pregnancy may put me at risk with the cancer being hormone positive and so aggresive. We are going to look into surrogacy as a option but even then im not sure someone would want to carry a baby for a woman who isnt in remission. Its just so cruel for all us women and i feel like i cant express my anger to family and friends as i know i should be grateful to just be alive but you cant help still yearning for that family we have always wanted. I wish you all the best i just came across this and wanted to rant too :slight_smile: hobo xxx

Another understanding girlie here! My husband and I had just started trying for children when I was diagnosed last year at the age of 33. In the year since I was diagnosed all of my closest friends have either had a baby or have announced they are pregnant. I can’t help getting upset at what could have been - it would have been lovely to have had children at the same time as all of my friends. And I can’t help but feel left out and left behind as they are all talking baby stuff the whole time and planning holidays with childcare together etc. I just have to hope and pray that the chemo hasn’t left me infertile and that the cancer’s gone and that my time will come…
Big, big, understanding hugs.

Big hug back at you Sandytoes,
Its such a strange feeling…happy to be alive and to get through this but that awful aching feeling to just have a baby. Its just so painful and 5 years is a life time away to us. We just have to make the most of the other precious things in our life i suppose until hopefully our turn comes. We all deserve some great news after this and a happy life xx

I was diagnosed in March, had WLE, SNB and ANC. Am now getting ready to start chemo, then most likely rads and Tamoxifen for 5 years.

I am 36 years old and don’t have any children yet. Both my cousins had a baby earlier this year. 4 of my female friends are currently pregnant, all of them announced their ‘good news’ around the time I was being given the breast cancer diagnosis. Now as their bellies are growing I am facing all these treatments with a high possibility of being infertile afterwards.

Oh, and as I currently don’t have a husband or partner the NHS can’t do anything for me in terms of preserving eggs for the future…

God it’s all so screwed up isn’t it… I can’t get funding because of the postcode lottery but was advised by my sister, who’s friend is a consultant in a fertility clinic in London, that I would stand more chance of getting funding for having my eggs frozen as a single lady rather than applying with my partner to have embryo’s frozen!!!
Why the f**k isn’t there just a straight forward system that is applicable to all, rather than it depending on the PCT of your area??? As if it isn’t bad enough getting a BC diagnosis, you then get told that the treatment you HAVE to have or you may die may well leave you incapable of having children!! Where’s the choice in that??? Not that I think other infertile couples are undeserved of treatment / or funding, but the one thing they DO have on their side is TIME and we don’t! I had 2 weeks to decide what we wanted to do re fertility treatment and to apply for funding or raise the funds! I nearly imploded with the pressure of it all… Two weeks to make a decision which one way or another will decide my fate…
I have 3 sisters, all who have children. The sister closest in age to me, 15 mths younger, has a 2 year old. I know they don’t want an only child so am dreading the day she announces she’s pregnant again. Not sure how I’d handle that. And a friend of mine is also trying for a baby - we were, prior to my dx, discussing strategy on how to manage and optimise our fertility! And now I have to put all that aside. Is very unlikely I will be able to have kids after this and even if I could, I’d be 44 by the time I come off Tamoxifen… It sucks. Really sucks…xx

we were hoping to have an second baby this year but instead of announcing pregnancy i had to tell everyone I had cancer. Went to see specialist about preserving eggs etc but due to treatment and tamoxifen etc by the time i finish treatment i will be too old to have another baby ( I am 37 at the moment). I am grateful I have my son but i can relate to you sense of loss and being robbed of your hopes and dreams x