Hi,
I am 4 years post diagnosis, I have had chemo and radio, taking tamoxifen, but I still find it difficult to cope with the shock of what has happened to me. I had a check up today …it brings it all back. I thought time would heal, I am considering counselling. Any comments would be appreciated. Thanx.
Time helps, but cannot necessarily heal all on it’s own. Please do write more if you can, there are lots of people here who can support you and tell you about their own paths to healing.
Hi Wendy
Like Seabird says, time heals but sometimes you need help in coping. Its impossible to just forget what has happened and annual checks will always bring it all back, but counselling will help you focus on the here and now and not get bogged down in the what ifs which are what drive us all mad. So I think counselling would be an excellent idea.
Cathy
xx
I am nearly 2 years post diagnosis and whilst I was positive all the way through everything I suffered confidence problems earlier in the year due to a new job that didn’t work out for me. I was referred for counselling with the clinical psychologist attached to my clinic and would seriously recommend it. I have had 2 session so far lasting an hour each and I feel so much better; I can now see things differently and am starting to get on with life again.
Hi Wendy , my emotions are all over the place and I also recognise the need for counselling of some form . I dont know where you are but I am looking into going to The Haven in London where they run sessions as a group or one on one. Unless I have been walking around blind I dont know where else to go . They run a range of alternative therapies and treatments in a friendly environment , not a hospital.
This week is better than last week for me but it doesnt take much to set me off. The awful news story of the 8 year old boy who killed himself when his mum died had me really really down and I sobbed when I saw it on the news.
I am seeking karma , peace whatever you want to call it (emotional freedom I think the Haven call it !) and want the good thoughts to override the bad. Can totally empathise with how you feel.
cally
Hi Wendy,
I too am 4yrs post dx and feel exactly the same.
Grade 3, 12mm tumour, no nodes involved, WLE, chemo’, radio’ now Tamoxifen.
I returned to ork [or rather was forced to return to work] 2 1/2 mths after treatment as Incapacity Benefit was stopped…why? because I couldn’t tell the DSS GP how many bad days I’d have a week…and because in his words…[its JUST the cancer that bothers you then].
I work in a childrens day nursery…lots of lifting…so was quite stressful going back and was physically exhausted.
I had a scare a few weeks back…had to have another FNA…fortunately all was ok…but really knocked me back.
I also dread mammograms and check ups…it takes me back and reminds me hat I’m dealing with [not that I need reminding]
I did have accupuncture for a while which helped…but can’t afford to have it on a regulsr basis.
I too have considered councelling…my BCN is very good and will put me in contact with someone if I want her to.
I still find it all very difficult to deal with both mentally and emotionally…I suffer from depression and anxiety/panic attacks.
I would definetly give the councelling a try…and if you do, please let me know how you get on…
It was actually good to read your post I have often wondered if I was the only one feeling like this 4rs post dx.
Take care
Karen x
I too have wondered if it is only me who 3 and half years on hasn’t ‘got over it’ - I don’t think I will ever get over it, and I’m still so wound up I don’t even understand the phrase ‘emotional freedom’ - can’t seem to believe in it somehow, like from here it doesn’t sound like something I could have. I think I might still believe that I could find a better place than I am in now, though I can’t even find a word for it (peace sounds too ambitious, serenity, acceptance - no, they don’t work for me) and that is what I am hoping and working and living for. But a recurrence, a scare, would put the kybosh on that, I can only hope for, aim for, this ‘better place’ as long as I believe at least the cancer is behind me, even though the mutilation is with me every moment. I too couldn’t bear to hear about that little boy. Everything sets me off. Yes I am going to have some more counselling.
You can find a counsellor through your bc nurse, or your GP. In London there is the Cancer Counselling Trust which will also do telephone counselling for those who can’t go to London and you can ring them yourself, you don’t have to be referred (you can google them for the website). Also there is a good article by them, referred to on threads here but you may find it on their website called “After the treatment finishes - what then?” Also a support group might help.
Also, I do wonder if ‘recovery’ proceeds by two steps forward one back - I feel I have gone through stages, and it changes, and I have begun to have periods of relative calm, thinking I’m finding something better, only out of the blue to plunge back into the maelstrom. Also, when I am in that maelstrom, I have different thoughts, different realizations - for example, and you’ll think me stupid, but because my cancer was found on screening, it took me maybe two years, maybe three and a half, maybe more, to grasp that if it hadn’t been found I could be sick or dead now. I’m still working on whether that would be better or worse than the way I am. I mention this not to be morbid but to say that I think this stuff goes in stages, and I am hoping the general trend is upwards but with troughs.
And reading posts on here helps - it seems to help me just knowing that I am not alone still hurting after all these years.
Dear All,
Thank you all so much for posting a response. Your comments have really helped. I thought I should have been doing better than I actually am emotionally, but you have all reminded me not too be too hard on myself. I have decided that I will seek out some counselling. Like cathy said, it’s the what if’s that drive me mad.
I remember the day I was diagnosed just like it was yesterday, and it is the power that cancer can have over your life. “Yes, you are all clear…please leave by the exit that says …carry on with your life” “I am sorry, you have cancer, please leave by the exit that says…a year of chemo, radio and some operations…and a life of wondering if it will ever return”.
I had my lumpectomy in Kingston Hospital and all of my treatments in Charring Cross Hospital, I found it difficult to return to work, but did it anyway, and I found it difficult to carry on living in the same house in which I had been so ill. In the end my husband and I, and our 3 young children moved to the Eastbourne area. Being by the sea is very uplifting for me, and the beauty of where I live I find quite a spritual experience. All of us ladies have been so brave, but I am tired of being brave, and I actually want to say what I went through wasn’t that nice. It’s not very fashionable to say that though, I’m meant to be running the “Race for Life” and stuff like that. I feel a bit ashamed of myself for thinking this way. I think snowwhite is right when she says all these feelings go through stages. I have identified for myself that check ups are difficult for me, but I haven’t yet found a coping mechanism. I will carry on trying different tactics, counselling being one of them. Thank you all so much for taking time to read my post, it was my first one, and I wasn’t sure if anyone would feel prompted to reply. The replies have been very uplifting. I look forward to hearing from you wonderful ladies again. With LoveXX
Hi Wendy
No you don’t have to run the Race for Life or pretend that it was all an uplifting experience. I too remember the day of my diagnosis like it was yesterday and I still rewind and rewind that moment of not knowing before I walked into the consultant’s room (scared but confident that it couldn’t actually be cancer cause I’d been told I had cysts just 7 months earlier.)
I had a poor prognosis and surprised myself (and the doctors) when my cancer didn’t return quickly. I got to three and a half years past diagnosis and was just beginning to believe the cancer might not come back, but I still thought about it every day, all the time…(after all we women can multi task…I can think about cancer and do other things at the same time)and then it did come back as a regional recurrence (incurable), just over a year ago. It will be five years in October since my diagnosis, since the days of my innocence, since my life before cancer.
I’ve done a load of counselling and yes it helps. I’ve got used to the idea that cancer is going to kill me though still don’t believe it really will. I’m on chemo break right now, having good days, relieved its not yet in major organs, know it will be in time. Time puts a different perspective on all I have lost through having cancer. I am not one of those people who think that cancer has made me a better person or brought me some perks. Its a heap of dung.
I wish I knew a coping mechanism that worked…I wish, how I wish that I didn’t have breast cancer, but I do and I live with it. In the halycon days before cancer I never thought that I would or could, but I do, we all do, and that is our strength.
very best wishes
Jane
HI wendy
how true when you say you are tired of being brave. I spoke to my bcn and an organisation she put me in touch with last week and even just that phone call really helped. Before I could say anything the lady said words to the effect of 'you need a little bit of help to move on dont you ’ I was so happy that I didnt need to go into detail an explain myself and I’ll see her next week.
I dont want to burden my husband even just making an appt has made me feel better about everything. We’ll see what happens next week
love Cally x
.