Hi mythos15 - sorry you are finding it hard to cope with it all. I’m not sure anyone could cope with all this and never feel down. You are a bit further down the line from me. I’m am still having chemo for my diagnosis in May. I think hormone changes can’t be underestimated. They are really powerful chemicals that control so many functions in our body, and messing with them is bound to have a physcical impact on our brains and bodies. That said, I know that if I ever need a bone scan I will be absolutely terrified. When people say “I just know you’ll be okay” I want to punch them (i just smile politely, of course). They don’t know, because if anyone could know then scans and biopsies wouldn’t be necessary, would they? One thing though, having a recurrence isn’t the same a secondary breast cancer. Secondary cancer refers to a spread to another area of the body. It has a very different prognosis to a recurrence of a primary cancer in the breast.
I wish you all the best and hope that you get good news from your scan.
Nicola x
Thanks Nicola - you’ve hit the nail on the head! People at work who I’ve told I am going for a bone scan have all said “oh it will be fine” - to which my somewhat sarky reply is generally, ‘well bear with me, coz you told me that last time didn’t you?’!! I really wish they wouldn’t come out with such banal comments but I guess they are just trying to reassure me and not realising it has the opposite effect (touchy? me? ofcourse not!!).
Re: recurrence - I know what you mean, but I mean the damn thing coming back in ANY way, shape or form!! I am terrified of having to go through that again and the consequences of recurrence/secondary, call it what you will, makes me feel physically sick.
Sorry to be so negative, but I’m struggling to find anything positive today 
Just wanted to say that of all the scans I have had had over the years the bone scan has always been the easiet for me. What I mean is that the scan in itself is not scary. I hate enclosed spaces but when you have a bone scan your head is only in the machine for a few minutes and then the belt moves backwards and your hed is out of the machine. I even put my head sideways so that I could see through a space on the side which made it feel less confined. The whole scan takes I guess about 15/20 minutes and you need to lie quite still. I do not write this to scare you but hopefully to put your mind at ease if any of you are worried about havine a bone scan. The scariest bit for ALL scans is the waiting for results. That is the hardest part of the whole procedure. Your mind goes into overdrive and you just cannot get it out of your head. All I want to add is that anyone wants or needs any help or reassurance, that I am here for you, to listen or just to hold your hand. I pray that nothing nasty at all shows up on your bone scans and that you can then get on with all the other stuff you are dealing with right now. Wishing all you ladies well. Val
Hi everyone, thank you for all your posts - I was diagnosed Dec 2010, had first op, then mx in Jan 11, followed by chemo, radio and a year herceptin. I feel the trauma is getting worse and I will never get over it. I simply cannot get my life back on track - like so many of you, I have done the whole “positive” thing, and people think I have “coped” well, but the truth is - I am not! I am constantly anxious, and it is actually getting worse - now starting to have flashbacks and bad dreams! Very weepy too!!I feel so pathetic and such a failure - and yet I feel guilty for feeling like that as physically I am doing well so far - its just the terror, anxiety etc. Cant cope with the idea of going back to a stressful job - so that 's something else to try and sort out. I have put my name down for some counselling - so at least that’s sth. Please give me some tips for getting over this - as i simply cannot cope at the minute.
Scottishlass - have messaged you 
Mythos 15, I have replied to your PM. Val
Hi ladies,
All that you say on this thread is exactly what I feel and fear. I am 41 with 3 children the youngest of whom is only 6. I was diagnosed this summer had bilateral mx in July and am now haing Epi/CMF chemo. Physically its been OK for me overall but emotionally I’m finding it so difficult. I am waiting to see the cancer psychology team to see if they can help. Im willing to do whatever to ease things
i often hear that its going to get easier, but Im scared that it wont and that the rest of my days will be spent under this massive big black cloud. one of my colleagues who has also had b.c actually told me that for her life has got better. I cannot relate to that at all. I was fine with how my life was before thanks! Reading this thread makes me even more concerned that Im always going to feel like this afterall
Mandy x
Hi Moet & Mandymid,
I’m possibly not the best person to reply to your posts but didn’t want you to think we’d ignored you!
Moet - I’m sure much of your ‘symptoms’ are down to hormone changes, the sudden loss of oestrogen is not something our bodies are designed to be without and they are objecting big time. I found counselling really helpful when I was going through treatment but if I’m honest, I think I ended mine too soon :-/. I’m now being looked after by a completely different hospital so do not have access to my lovely Macmillan counsellor that I had before.
Mandymid - I’d love to tell you it will all get better. I have to say, I WAS much better before my friend was diagnosed with secondary cancer but that has totally shattered my world and my confidence. Its never something that goes away, we just learn to live with it and manage it as best we can. Obviously at the moment I am not managing it well, but I do truly foresee a future where that will happen.
I think it would be worth seeing if you can get access to a counsellor if you haven’t already, they really are very experienced in dealing with these concerns and although life will never be back to what it was, it will become less traumatic than it is right now.
{{{hugs}}} to you both, I hope someone far more experienced and knowledgeable comes along with some additional advice for you but as others have said, this is an excellent resource for support.
I too am struggling!!! I was diagnosed in may 2010 & had two lots of surgery & 20 sessions of radiotherapy. Now on tamoxifen. I’m also tired of hearing how brave I am, how well I’ve coped & the best one yet how lucky I am to ge alive…I’m only 36 yrs old with a 7 yr old son!!!
I think I need to find and revive the “well meaning (but annoying) things people say” thread - sounds like you could all add some more comments! If you read it from the start you’ll both laugh and cry in equal measure, and your jaws will drop on the floor at some of the outrageous things people say! I reckon this “be positive” thing is for the benefit of the person saying it, not us. Certainly never did anything for me…
Mythos, you mentioned interactions with Tamoxifen. Yes, there are SOME anti-depressants, most famous being Prozac (fluoxetine) that is metabolised by the same pathways in the body as Tamoxifen, so it reduces Tamoxifen’s effectiveness. That said, there ARE plenty of others which are really effective, with the added bonus that they can help reduce the hot flushes as well as improve mood. I’ve tried Sertraline, Venlafaxine and Citalopram (not all at the same time, I might add!) and they’re all fine with Tamoxifen.
I also see a counsellor (got referred for non-cancer stuff) and I have found that really, really helpful. I think I might see about a cancer specialist counsellor in case there are specific tips and tricks that can be added to my arsenal.
And I still have down days, just not as many. And I still worry about secondaries and “waiting to die”, but not as often. And I still feel ugly, just not every day. And I DO manage to laugh and smile, and MEAN it. I don’t think the cancer demons will ever completely leave me alone, but I pay them less attention and hope I learn to ignore them when they’re just whispering nastily in my ear.
There are also several Facebook groups you could join in with, if you do Facebook.
Sorry I haven’t posted for a few days - I’ve not been well with a rotten cough & cold so have just been working and crawling home to bed.
I’ve just had my bone scan - with the aid of coldcare, steaming prior to going and codeine linctus, I managed not to cough through the procedure!! However, I am now feeling very anxious and would be grateful for anyone’s experience to advise/reassure me.
I’ve not had a bone scan before, or any experience of them. They took the pictures with my laying flat, arms by my side, then after a short break, took more of my chest with my arms above my head. Then sat me up and took extra pics of my pelvis from underneath and then laid me back down and took more pictures of my pelvis with my arms above my head. I said to the technician that it was making me feel anxious that she was taking so many pictures of my pelvic area and she said, “oh its because its a round area, I need to make sure I’m not missing anything, try not to read too much into it”. Question is: is it normal to take that many pictures?
I’ve now got to wait 7-10 days for the results - I feel physically sick
Anyone any advice?
Sorry, Mythos, Ive only just seen your post. I dont know if bone scans are different between areas, but when i had mine, I had the injection in my arm then when I returned after a couple of hours, I just had to lie very still in the same position during the scan, which took about 20 mins or so. The machine was very very close to my body, it started at my head and worked its way down to my feet.
I had to wait 3 weeks for my results!!! I understand the anxiety you are feeling, I got my results thru the post and I was almost physically sick as i opened the letter. If I remember correctly, I only got the letter after Id phoned the secretary to ask about my results!
All the best, Will be thinking of you. Have they given you a clinic appt to get your results?
Truddles
Hi Truddles,
I actually saw my BCN yesterday as I was attending a Pamper Day at the hospital. She took me to one side and told me that there is ‘something’ on my scan around my hip where I had the pain. At the moment, my Oncologist is unsure whether it is significant so I am being discussed at the MDT meeting tomorrow.
As I’ve said before, my BCN is an old school friend and didn’t want to just ring me tomorrow with the news, but thought it better to speak to me face to face and pre-warn me and for that I am very grateful.
To say this has hit me hard is an understatement. I KNOW nothing is definite yet and as she said, there’s a possibility that the radiologist might look at my scan and decide its nothing to worry about, but her gut feeling is that I’ll need a CT scan for clarification.
I’ve spent the last 24 hrs feeling incredibly flat and low. My BCN is concerned that I’m showing signs of depression and I have to agree I’m not coping well. I’m going to talk to my GP tomorrow as I’m not sure how many more hurdles I can jump
Any ‘nothing to worry about’ thoughts wouldn’t go amiss x
Mythos, so sorry to hear this news, have you got anyone at home with you who is supporting you and can go to your Gp or clinic with you? Dont you think being a nurse is the worst in this situation!!
You seem such a similar person to me, I know I would be so flat and depressed if I had an inkling of anything wrong on a scan . Would you mind telling me of your exact hip pain/problems, because Ive suffered with a ‘hip’ since about February but its very mild niggling, although sometimes it feels so numb like it doesnt belong to me! I have an oncology check on Tues 23rd and I’m not sure if I should mention my hip, so would be grateful to know about your symptoms, although I know this is probably the worst time to ask you…
My friend had a scan recently which showed “something up” (This was a CT scan not a bonescan) and she remained so upbeat and positive, she had to endure a more detailed PET scan which showed up nothing of concern.
I am just sending lots of thoughts and cyber hugs your way, remember, there is always a way through these woods, and take a deep breath and you’ll get through, remember there are lots of blips on scans which turn out to be nothing. And if it is anything of concern, just look at how early its been found so you can be treated, your onc seems on the ball, so trust in them .
xxxx
Hi Truddles & thanks for the support.
It started with a sharp pain in my right hip a few weeks back. Worse at night, waking me when I turned over in bed & more comfortable when I lay on my right side. Its purely because I was saying to the Oncologist that its difficult to know when you are being neurotic and when you need to get something checked - she asked me what I was concerned about and I told her about the pain - she immediately said oh lets get that checked with an x-ray and scan and then we can put your mind at rest *rolls eyes*!!
The only thing I would say, is if you have a new pain that hasn’t gone away in a couple of weeks, then get it checked. That was the advice she gave me :).
My gut feeling is that this is nothing - I was node negative, have had a clear mammogram recently and there is no reason why it should be anything other than ‘nothing much’, its more the ‘dealing with yet another knock back’ that I’m finding hard
x
Hi Mythos
You may remember we chatted way back last year I’m just popping on to say I hope all has gone well for you and all your scans etc have come back clear??
I can soooo relate to your fears and anxiety also the aches pains and Gremlins… I think we all feel the same with the thoughts of BC lingering around to jump out at some obscure moment and shake our world upside down again… think its normal honey once visited it never really goes away… but on a positive side we are still here to moan groan and whinge xx I still have my good and bad days sometimes stretching to a week at a time and then it just goes?? Still have trouble sleeping so on a bit of a slippery slope taking Zopiclone, but I need my sleep to function at work (Nurse) for now i’ll accept the S/E and if they get too much then a visit to my Dr is the order of the day… I’ve had the pains and ignored them and honestly its silly… just get them checked out, and as you say Just in case! I chat with some other girlies on a thread on here and over the last year we all have at some point felt low anxious sweaty and fearful… not to mention supported, and that is so important in the greater scheme of things as support from someone who has,nt been there is void of actually knowing what has happened and the effect it’s had… Join in if you need a few sound/supportive/hilarious responses Where did I go!!!
I am sending a big hug and a hand to hold when life gets silly… and it does for most of us honey its just the gift that keeps on giving in so many ways… some positive some negative its just finding the balance and accepting it.
Take good care me dear xxxxxxhugsxxxxx
This post has really struck a chord with me I have only just finished all my treatment and am feeling somewhat lost so have been trawling this site reading post to find someone like me and came across this post and I would just like to say thank you at least now I feel normal in the way I am feeling right now
hugs Angi xx