Hi Applestreet
I hope the citalopram works for you. I took a low dose of it for 18 months to help with the tamoxifen hot flushes, but I also noticed that I was a calmer person while taking it. I was generally very chilled and took everything in my stride. Having finished tamoxifen in October I slowly weaned myself off the citalopram and have noticed the chilled me is also slowly disappearing! I am missing her already.
You may find the following link useful - it is an article written by a clinical psychologist on the after effects of cancer treatment:
cancercounselling.org.uk/northsouth/extra4.nsf/WebResClient/1761049276601BD68025735B00604834/FILE/article3.pdf?openElement
Moderators: I have lost count of the number of times I have posted this link, as it is such a useful article. Is there any way we could have it permanently on the website?
Hi I’m a bit like Flori…tn no hormone treatment etc. as you all say when you are gong through the treatment it’s not nice, but its head down and plough through. I was ok going through chemo, fell apart with the mx, so wobbly going throu rads. Last day of rads I broke down, it was like someone had just pulled the rug from under my feet, picked me up and slung me into a dark room on my own and locked the door. Not sleeping well at all, I stay up really late so that I don’t have tokay in bed worrying about every ache and pain. My husband doesn’t get it and moans when I’m sleeping in in the morning, says I should go to bed earlier!! It’s alright for him his life has just carried on being normal, still goes off to the gym and out in the evening. I feel like everyone, hospital, husband has deserted me.
i am going to book myself in with the bc counsellor as I feel I need advise on how to put all those feelings in the right place, so that I can move forward. I’ve also signed myself up to the ‘moving forward’ sessions that they run at the hospital, so will see if that helps.
Hiya Roadrunner
If you post the link in a new thread in this section (After treatment has finished), preferably with a useful title so people can easily identify it, we can make it a “sticky” in this section so it’ll be easy for other people to find (it’ll be in a special bit that stays at the top of the list of threads in this section - in case you’re not familiar with the term “sticky”).
Leah
Hi Applestreet & All
I feel exactly the same I finished active treatment in September and now on Tamoxifen for 5 years, Not had a decent nights sllep since chemo started in March Im tired and scared !! This is why I love this site because nobody else really understands like the Ladies on here, they tilt the head make all the right noises etc but they DONT really understand what its like to go through this , and then when the chemo/rads etc is over I find most expect you to be full of the joys of spring … well Im not Im bl**dy terrified , Most days im ok but the smallest thing can set me off Im know we will all get there eventually but it all gets too much to deal with at time and we need a good rant/sob whatever does it for us , the support on here is amazeballs ( love that word ) would have been lost without this site
Love & good vibes to all xx
you’re not wrong lottie…I think a lot of my problems are created by my fear of it coming back…my ribs are sore…I stretched too far…had a real meltdown on Monday and hubby took me to the doc to get checked out…cartilidge damage she says…well I bl**dy hope she’s right…it eases with painkillers so she probs is…I’m bl**dy terrified as well…I just hope this citalipram helps…had them when I was first dx and they did help…doc said to stay on them but I felt better so stupidly stopped…Iam mostly ok in the day it’s when I can’t sleep that my mind wanders and then it all starts like on a loop…it’s hard to move on isn’t it…need this site more than ever at the moment…
Hi Applestreet
I think its hard for anyone who hasn’t been through breast cancer to understand. The instability of moving house doesn’t help. I had to move house. I hoped that I could delay my chemo a few weeks in order to move in but the onc wouldn’t allow it so I had to move in during chemo. It was absolutely exhausting and I shed a lot of tears. I also needed anti-depressants for a year.
Eighteen months on, I still have my down days. The treatment seems to have tipped me from middle age into old age. I still tire easily. I miss my old body. I haven’t had reconstruction as I can’t bear to think of more surgery. I miss having energy and a zest for life. After being diagnosed twice, I live in fear. I have been coughing for 2 months, chest Xrays came back clear but I’m still coughing!!
I’m not sure that life will ever be the same. But we are still here and it helps hugely to know others are going through the same sad/ angry/fearful thoughts.
Because hormone therapy blocks or prevents production of oestrogen, that has a knock on effect on the amount of serotonin we produce. It’s small wonder we feel so down!! Hang on in there - Best of luck with the antidepressant!
Lots of love xxxx
Hi Applestreet - sorry to hear you’re still struggling. I hope the tablets kick in soon.
The sleeplessness makes it all so much harder and frustrating (have you seen my poem in the poetry thread - ‘Where’s the off switch’). At least if you could sleep there would be some respite. I found treatment my comfort blanket and once it stopped I felt so on my own. I’ve also had a cough for about a month. Haven’t mentioned it to my GP but it keeps niggling away at me. I feel like a hypochondriac. During chemo I found a new lump, but that turned out to be a cyst. Pulled a muscle in my ribs which took about 6 weeks to clear up. Found a lump in my leg - harmless lipoma. Got swollen gland by ear - salivary gland infection. Now blood tests as might have overactive thyroid but my initial thought was ovarian cancer, based on the symptoms. It just seems one thing after another to cause me worries because everything makes me initially think - cancer! I share your fears. I know my prognosis but my family and most others don’t so that’s another reason why they don’t understand. One of my bosses suggested I go and do all the things I’d like to do - travel the world…etc etc (not that I want to do that) but there’s just that minor detail of paying the mortgage and being able to afford to live…no, not gathered that one eh? Seemingly not - though I’ve sent him a copy of the Guardian article that someone recently put a link to as it sums up many of my feelings.
I also share Janie’s feelings about missing my old body and zest for life. I find many of the things I used to do I can’t now because of the effects of having my lymph nodes removed and the mx.
It’s all a bit rubbish really, isn’t it. But let’s stick together and share our woes and at least we can genuinely sympathise with each other.
X
I miss the “old” me as well…I can’t even stretch now without doing myself a mischief…my sore ribs are on my Mx side…I thought after a year I would be ok but apparently not…I agree about being tipped into old age…I was a youthful 52 when I was dx with a lovely brown bob and a not too chubby body…now I’ve turned into my nanna…I knew it would come but not this quick…I seem to have turned old overnight…I look in the mirror and see a little round middle aged lady instead of the person I was…it takes me by surprise every time…I have yukky curly grey hair… don’t feel like me at all…I miss my zest for life as well…my get up and go has got up and gone!!!..I have to force myself to do everything…even go out of the house some days…I hope it will all get better with time…I have no faith in my body at all…it let me down once and it might do it again…that’s the root of all this I think…at least we can vent on here…it just helps to let it all out some days…and to ladies who understand…
I think, all of us who have gone thro’ this treatment can sympathise…I know I can.
You look forward to finishing the treatment, and yes it’s great, but then everyone else doesn’t feel the same. We build ourselves up to a point, and we can’t possibly match those expectations. We think we’ll be on a high, but we’re not. We feel vulnerable and ‘out on a limb’ somewhat. It’s natural.
Time…does get it better. You’ll soon pick up and will feel better every few weeks (not a week). I would say that it took me 2 years before I felt ‘back to normal’. You feel better in stages, but it will be a while before you’re back to normal. (I’m a lot older than you though).
Take care and keep your chin up. Look forward to Christmas and the New Year.
xx
I too felt like a middle aged frump with WHITE hair 2 stones overweight and a poorly battered and bruised body, Last week I had my hair coloured and cut into quite a modern style , I have managed to lose a stone so far but diet is now on hold until January 2nd 
and I am slowly and I mean slowly starting to feel a little like me again , the old me will probably never be back completely but I am hopeing to learn to accept the new me , I dont stand in front of the mirror anymore and cry , I have hair back ok so its short but its hair and I will eventually fit into my jeans without crushing my bones !!! Its my mind that is suffering mostly the fear and the horror of what has happened will take longer to recover from Im not a religious but I pray we will all recover from this and be happy healthy beautiful strong women , sending good wishes & Vibes to all who need them xx