Mum passed away in the early hours of this morning, at home & with all the family sitting with her. It was peaceful & pain free & we know that she was well-cared for during the final stages of her illness.
I can’t begin to describe the raw pain we are feeling. Although we knew it was imminent, her passing has still come as the most incredible emotional blow. We can’t believe it has happened.
Thanks to all of you to responded to my posts over the past two years and all the best for your treatments and recovery.
Psyche,
Love and hugs to you and your family.Your beloved Mum knew how loved she was and is at peace now.
I lost my Mum to lung cancer 6 years ago,its so hard.But I took great comfort that she was at peace and free from pain.I wouldn’t want her to suffer anymore.
Take care of yourselves,you have done all you can.You are a truly special daughter,
She will be with you wherever you go.
Love
Dot
xxx
Psyche so sorry to hear of your loss that was nice you were all with her in her last moments and she is not at peace.Thinking of you and your family at this time sending loads of hugs to you.Take care of yourselves and be glad she is out of pain now. Lots of love Joyce.xx
How great for your mum to feel so much love surround her when she most needed it. Your family have nothing to feel but love and peace themselves in having done all they could. Please take peace in the love that was shared and how lucky and fortunate to have found it.
I lost my mum 35 years ago and she didnt get to see a lot of my life or my children but I know she is with me.
God bless you at this time of need and please know that the pain you feel is simply a showing of love for your mum. Remember that love and all that your mum taught you has been passed to you to pass on also.
How great that she had you for a caring and loving daughter - she has passed on the very best to you so forget the pain and remember the love always. She is still there in your heart.
Dear Psyche, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. Your mum was clearly loved very deeply by you all and will have known that at the end of her life, which is a beautiful thing for you to know.
I lost my mum 2 years ago and know she died knowing we loved her, and is at peace and out of pain now. That comforts us so much as a family, and I hope will comfort you all. As Dot says, you have been a wonderful daughter to your mum. Be proud of that
love monica xxx
Dear Psyche,
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your dear Mum but at least her suffering is over and she is at peece. I am so glad you managed to get her home and have those last few precious days with her.
thinking of you and your poor Dad
Caroline
Dear Phyche
I am so sorry to ear about your Mum- nothing can protect you from shock even though she was so poorly - you must have been such a great support to her - take care of yourself,Jayne x
I am so sorry to read of your loss. I had been looking for your posts on threads we had chatted on and as I had not seen any, I searched for you and found this thread today.
I am sure you and your family will take comfort in knowing that you did everything you could to make your Mum’s passing as comfortable as possible. I understand how you must be feeling and my thoughts go out to you all. In time, the pain will ease and you will be able to remember your Mum with a smile for all the joy you shared.
It has been over 9 months since we lost my Mum and the pain of our loss has not decreased at all. Nearly all the family is receiving bereavement counselling and although it provides us with some comfort, it does not help me with the following issue:
I am still SO angry with the medical people who “cared” for Mum. I mean the oncologist and Mum’s GPs. I still feel that the GP was negligent in not helping to bring forward her appointment with the oncologist and the onc himself was negligent in not offering the treatment early enough for it to have made a difference. Not only that, but the onc’s attitude throughout was callous and completely uncaring.
I know there is no point going down the legal route as the only people who will be hurt by this are other patients, as any money won in compensation would be that much less to spend on care. I don’t WANT compensation; I want acknowledgement that they could have done better and a pledge to do better for other cancer sufferers.
Hi Psyche - I am so sorry you and your family are feeling that you were not treated well. Have you tried putting your thoughts in writing to the hospital? You may not get an apology or even an acknowledgement of any wrongdoing, but it might make you feel better if you get over to them just how you feel. You could contact PALS. Maybe it would make a difference in the future.
I totally understand where you are and where you’re coming from. A bit differnt I know but 6 months before my DX my dad died. GHe was suffering from cancer too and we’d been told that it was terminal.
His care etc was absolutely awful from his GP to the hospital. I really was going to make complaint but then I was DX. I did write a letter of complaint to the hospital about his treatment. I received a letter back mentioning his lung cancer. He didn’t have lung cancer! By that time I was into chemo etc and it was too late.
Like you, I am still angry at the way my dear dad was treated but it is now too late.
It colours everything. My treatment has been brilliant but my poor father didn’t get the same treatment and it breaks my heart.
Thanks for your replies. It has been a dilemma for me as to whether to write and complain.
My Dad is still registered with the same GP practice as Mum and I didn’t want to cause any trouble for him. As to the oncologist, I have a certain amount of sympathy for him because he must have one of the worst jobs on the planet - at the same time, to have a job like that, surely one needs to develop some empathy towards the patients rather than being so impersonal and brutal.
I’m even annoyed with the doctors at the hospice. They, in conjunction with the oncologist, decided that Mum was too ill to have any further treatment. Mum herself, ill as she was, was begging them to let her try something. She clung on to hope right to the end, which is why I think, we never acknowledged to ourselves or each other that she was actually dying. We felt that if she herself wanted the treatment, the doctors should go ahead and let her have it. No doubt I’m wrong.
You mentioned PALS - I’m not sure what that is but perhaps it might help?
As you say, it must be a really difficult profession. I suppose they have to walk a fine line between empathy and protecting themselves. Otherwise, they would be breaking down in front of patients. My sister-in-law was a Sister on a terminal ward and I believe she was able to help the relatives come to terms with what was happening but in a caring way, whilst staying strong herself. It’s not a job I could do!
It has been a year yesterday that Mum received her “final” diagnosis, the day everything began to fall apart. Mixed in with the grief are memories of a visit she made to her GP in early September. I went with her and Dad so that I could prompt them with questions they might have forgotten to ask.
I’ll never forget the GP saying “I wish we knew what was going on with your knee. It could be wear and tear, it could be Paget’s disease”. He was sending her for a scan of her abdomen (she had liver secondaries) but he did not suggest that it include mum’s knee and was almost dismissive of the knee question. As we now know, the cancer had spread through her bones to the knee; he knew her medical history & that she had secondaries elsehwere. WHY did he not treat the knee issue with any degree of interest and urgency.
I’m sorry if I keep ranting about this. I know it’s too late but can’t shake off the bitterness.