in shock

hi all its been a long time since ive been on here and last time my topic was how do u support secound time round. Its not good news my aunty had 6 months of wkly chemo regular checks and there was no changes, chemo started to take its toll so she was given a break with regular checks with her oncologist for the past 5 months and has been told every time no change better or worse, she started to get head aches that lasted wks so she went back to hosp wednesday where she was admitted for more tests, Friday they tell us they have found 5 large tumors on the brain and the only thing they can do is radio to reduce the symptoms and pain and planned to start it this week at this point my aunty was in pain with her head but was talking,walking and appeared quite well. Less than 24 hours that all changed, i visited her on the saturday and she was sleepy but talking and said she had 2 fits that morning so i went to ask the nurse about it i was gone for 15 mins by the time i came back she was a different women and in so much pain the nurses spent hours to try and get it under control but didnt quite manage it. I cant understand how all this was missed and how it all happened so fast she past away 10:45 saturday night which was 30 hours after we was told about them, how can i get answers and why didnt they tell us it was going to be that fast and that it would all change over night, we knew time was going to be short but not hours i just cant process any of it, if they had told us that on the Friday we could of had alot more good hours with her and spent her last quality hours making plans and found out what she wanted but instead we go to watch her suffer and be in pain for hours. Im so angry and hurt but i dont know who to be angry at…

Hi smiler so sad to hear about your aunt its shocking news

Hi Smiler09

I am so, so sorry about your Aunt and with the speed at which she was taken from you. I cant give you any concrete answers, but maybe you should talk to either one of her doctors, or your GP, who may be able to explain things.

One thing is certain; you are in shock and the feelings you are having are completely normal. I’m a Nurse and I work with people with lung disease. I know from experience that any condition can be unpredictable and cancer is no exception. I dont know for how long your Aunt was getting headaches or what tests they were doing to keep a check on things and my knowledge of secondaries is poor. Sometimes death can happen much quicker than anticipated, the question ‘Doc, how long have I got’ is almost impossible to answer.

Smiler, please be kind to yourself. This is a terrible time for you and your family and the pain can be so raw at times. It’s easy and natural to look for someone or something to blame for this awful illness, but I think you may have to blame the illness itself.

Take care

Julia xx

Dear Smiler

I am sorry to read about your Aunt and how difficult it has been for you, it may help to talk things through with one of our helpliners, please feel free to call for a listening ear on 0808 800 6000, the lines are open weekdays 9-5 and Sat 9-2.

Take care
Lucy