Great and glad you will have time with your sweetie. Bit windy outside, the dog is in the front garden, the man has his head in the oven scrubbing away. I’m truly enjoying andwhat I wanted for Mother’s Day! 
Day 23. Am feeling that I have had enough now! My recon boob is feeling the way it did when I was at home. It doesn’t feel to me like it’s a problem but it didn’t before and it was all festering beneath the surface. How on earth are we to know what’s normal - what does a recon boob feel like???
i have told the doctors i am concerned so they are arranging for me to have an ultrasound this morning.
my tummy scar is hardly leaking now but i am getting so paranoid now it feels different to before and feels like the fat above my scar is ‘overhanging’ - could be perfectly normal but i am paranoia personified now. I have asked tem to scn my tummy too to make sure nothing ‘lurks beneath’. The doctors can’t see any point in doing it ut i have pointed out that the peace of mind alone will be worth it’s weight in gold! I am afraid I have now reachedvthe ‘foot stampng’ stage. I am so pissed off that they didn’t get round to checking what was behind the redness on my boob earlier that i have now had to be back here almost a week and be pumped so full of antibiotics that i dont think i have any blood left in my veins - I think it’s neat donestos!
The canula in my hand where they were givingthe IV was getting very sore yesterday so they had to find another site to relocate it last night. I feel like a human pin cushion.
sorry the latest post isn’t so upbeat but getting well fed up now!
they are still waiting on the results of the cultures so that they can target the infection. Can’t get me off of the IV antibiotics and onto oral ones until they know. Can’t come home whilst on IV.
Have nagged (who me?, surely not!) them to chase but he pointed out that they might have trouble growing the culture as i have been bombarded with so many antibiotics already!
I reckon i am here for today but hopefully not much longer!
Doc reckons it is healing (and feeling) the way he would expect. I pointed out that it felt exactly the same before i came in and loads of medics prodded and poked and thought it was normal and did nothing until it was badly infected (15, love) He pointed out that no ‘senior’ medics had taken a look and he has dealt with loads of reconstructed boobs and knows what they should feel like. He as pointed out that he had been inside it (he did my 2nd surgery) so he knew exactly what was in there ad where it had been! (15 all) I said I still wanted scan to put mind at rest as I couldn’t see inside (30, 15) He said I could have one but he wasn’t going to take me back to theatre (30, all) I said i would be more than happy if scan came back clear and i was officially confirmed as paranoid (40:30) He said it was my job as the patient to tell them my concerns and nag them until they dealt with them (deuce) He then said that he was happy for the drain to come out but might as well wait until after the scan (damn it!). Game, set and match to the doc!)
Carol you are so inspiring, how you keep your spirits up so well is amazing. I’d missed a few posts and I’m so sorry it’s been so horrid. I truly hope you are on the mend.
much love,
Gaynor xx
Scans have both come back clear so nothing lurking within! Don’t care if I am officially classed as paranoid - i needed to see that there was nothing under the surface as everything felt just as it did when I was admitted so I had no bench mark to compare to.
the cultures have come back with nothing showing which apparently is not uncommon as i had already been bombarded with antibiotics before the sample was taken.
So! As they are pleased with the way the boob is looking and there’s nothing lurking beneath and no discernable infection there is a chance that they will let me out tomorrow. They aren’t promising (in fact they have said I’m staying atleast anoth night) but i am reading the hint of escape. I have no doubt that they are waiting for the consultant to see me tomorrow to see me and he will make the call then.
if he doesn’t let me come home ten I trust him enough to know that it is for the right reasons. I must admit my faith waivered for a little while as my consultant has been on holiday and is still not back, his registrar has been off since admitting me on Saturday and the surgeon who did the second operation was not around yesterday and my observation (rather than complaint) is that the infrastructure did nt cope with their absenses as well as i would have liked.
i have spoken to the Ward Manager (Matron) to pass on my observations and I did feel that she was happy that I had said something so that they can improve things.
so - drain out, mind at rest, canular moved to less tender site - all is right with the world!
Hi Carol. I’m glad that things are beginning to look up for you again. I’m not surprised that you’re a bit paranoid - I would be too. But to be perfectly honest with you, paranoia has become a bit of a permanent state of mind for me following my operation. Any slight twinge, tingle, pain that I haven’t experienced before sets my mind into overdrive. For example, just recently, I have been having quite a lot of wierd sensations (and not all of them painless). Of course, my mind thinks that it’s starting to die off or something - in spite of reassurances from the medical profession that all will be fine after x amount of weeks post op. On the plus side, I’ve just got out of the shower this evening and whilst drying myself off, I’ve noticed that I have quite a lot of sensation actually in my breast and around the flap!! My BS has said previously that the pain/wierd sensations are the nerves ‘firing off’, so maybe they are beginning to knit together again (after all this time!). I’m sure they said that if you hadn’t got sensation back within the year, then it was unlikely to come back at all. Watch this space on that!!
Regarding ‘what is normal’ for a reconstructed boob. I’m sure everyone is different, but in the early days, I think mine just felt like something was strapped to my chest. It felt heavy and uncomfortable. I don’t think I felt very much for the first couple of weeks, but then I had pain down the outside of the breast. I had this for quite a long time - many months. I’m not sure when it stopped (or even if it has to be honest). I have more of an ‘itchiness’ there most of the time now, which is quite uncomfortable. I can’t quite remember when it stopped feeling like a lead lump on me all of the time. There are still days when it can feel a bit like that too, but not many. These are usually when I’ve done too much and the muscles are a bit tight. I can’t stress how important it is to do your exercises. Even now, when I’ve been a bit lazy, I feel very stiff in my shoulder and arm!! You will get to know what is ‘normal’ for you though. BUT try not to worry too much when it changes, because mine is still changing after 14 months! The shape pretty much settled at about 6 months, and I’m happy to say I have very good symmetry, even without a bra on.
Another little tip for you! Moisturise!! They will tell you when to start doing this, if not already!. I’m sure when they told me I was mortified. As much as it is uncomfortable to start off with, it really does help with the healing - it breaks down the scar tissue apparently. It also helps with the blood flow and makes your skin feel less tight 
Anyway, have a good evening. Hopefully, you will be able to go home tomorrow xx
I was really surprised when I said to the surgeon that I didn’t know how it should feel - he said it should feel like a breast. Sorry to dissillusion you doc but at this moment this feels more like a Belgian Bun stuck to my chest than it feels like a boob!
doctors and surgeons may well know what a boob feels like from the outside but they sure as hell don’t know what it feels like from this side.
i am glad i pushed for te scan because now I am 100% certain that there is nothing nasty lurking beneath and I know how it feels now so I have a benchmark!
trust me though! The very, very first sign of any unexplained redness and I will be knocking down their door for tem to check me out!
i am pleased to say that the new site for the canula for my drip is wrking well - I am so glad I asked them to move it last night. The site where they had it inthe back of my hand yesterday is still very tender and swollen. I keep trying to elevate my hand and wiggle my fingers butthe back of my hand is still swollen. I am sure i used to have knuckes on that hand - I demand to know what they’ve done with thm as I ould like them back!
thankfully they started my IV drip a little early tonight so t should einished in about ten minutes - yeah - I cn go to sleep at a reasonable time!
Duffer, you sound good and been through the mill with your Belgian Bun - brawh! Good to read that new site for the canula for your drip is working out better and I’m all for stamping feet and actually getting a scan to see for sure that you are 100% in the clear!
Skigirl, I so realte to the getting used to, the heavy feeling leaving, the nerves streaming out and reattaching and my stomach area ihas much more feeling. I’m still more comfortable with a light bra on at all times for compression and still sleep with one, because when I’m braless, the diep breast feels less attached- a slight pulled away from my body than attached to the rest of me, if that makes sense?
Gentle hugs to you lovely women, LB, x
YEAH!!! EESCAPING TODAY!!!
ok, have to be chacked over by consultant next Friday but I am out of here today !!!
Home…! Bliss!
Enjoy xx
YAY!!! Have a sweet sleep tonight Carol. , LB, xox
Ave just had report from oncologist and in addition to the DCIS there was a 2mm grade 2 Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. The oncologist as put me on Letrozole for the next five years.
i can’t say i am overly shocked as I had a feeling that they would find something more thanthe DCIS. I am so glad that I went for the mastectomy - at least I know that whatever was there has now been removed.
the oncologist is arranging for me to have a CT scan and bone scan just to show that it hadn’t spread anywhere - I din’t even have to ask - it was his suggestion which I must admit I would appreciate the peace of mind.
Carol, I’m sorry they found more and yes, mx was the best decision and I’m gald a scan is in the works. I was wondering, how often over the past 4 years did you get a mammo?
Hi LB
I had the first mammogram 5 years ago when I was about to hit 50 and they discovered micro calcifications. I was then on regular annual mammograms from thrn. The following year intermediate DCIS was diagnosed and i have been clear until this year when high grade DCIS was diagnosed.
the IDC is grade 2.
i am just grateful that there was so little there
I’m with you, I’m glad so little found. LB,x
I have made the decision to resign from the job. I need to work but I don’t need to work for bullies! I have seen a solicitor to see if I had a case for constructive dismissal and he believes I have so I am taking them to a tribunal. I told the solicitor that if he felt I didn’t have a case then I would walk away and put it down to experience but if I did have a case then I wanted the bullies to have to justify their behaviour to a tribunal.
They made me feel so anxious worrying whether I was allowed to use my phone to keep in touch with the cancer support network that they made a horrible situation even worse - just so they could show who was boss.
I feel so much better now that I know I don’t have to go back. The prospect of not finding alternative employment is less daunting than working for bullying control freaks!
This reads as empowering Duffer and I hope this gets right where it counts!