Interesting Question . .. .

Interesting Question . … .

Interesting Question . … . Hi All

As you know I still struggle badly with all this and my friends/family are losing patience.

They reckon that coming on websites like this is making me worse as it means you dont “move on”!!!

I get really cross with them - but then I got to thinking do you think there are hundreds of women out there in our position who do not post after treatment finishes because they just want to get back to normal and are we maybe in some way stopping ourselves doing this?

My friend who had bc 7 years ago and is fine never goes on any sites and never did and she seems really together. Does anybody know anyone else like this?

Just a thought - I am still going to carry on.

Love ALise

Hi Alise, I think it’s a matter of personal choice and some people just don’t need support - not sure that is a good thing cos sure they must bottle everything up. I absolutely love coming on this site and BCPals - whenever I feel down or have a question - always find loads of support and always feel better afterwards just to know there are people out there for me if you know what I mean.

I’m going to carry on - don 't think it’ll stop us from moving on. If you want to carry on wouldn’t worry what people may say - they haven’t got to cope with this c**p have they? Whatever gets us through the day I say - go with it. Best of luck.

Love Jean xx

Hi Alise
I agree, I think it is a personal thing. I felt I was coping without any support since my diagnosis Oct 04 then when my sister was diagnosed in Jan 07 it all came flooding back. I have found this site very imformative and reassuring. It is nice to talk with others who know exactly what you have been through.
Love Annierose

Alise That is a very good question…I’m personally glad that I didn’t know how to work a computer when i was diagnosed…the first thing my GP said was ‘‘don’t go on the internet’’…I think if i’d read alot of stuff then i would of been worse mentally than i already was [if that was possible]
I think as jean has said it is personal choice…i’m quite happy to use the site at the moment and find the people here very friendly and supportive.
But I do understand what your saying…my late friend…never ever went on the internet to find out anything about her cancer either primary or secondary…she did seem to move on and then live with BC as best she could until loosing her battle.
I think some people think by coming onto these sites we’re dwelling on things…but wether or not we come on here those thoughts will always be in the back of our mind.
I have made some very good friends through BC forums.

take care
karen x

I don’t think I would have coped without this site.
I have never seen my G.P. throughout all my treatment. I have also continued to work.
I am a great believer in for-warned is for-armed.
I don’t dwell on any of it I just want to know what can and can’t happen.
I have faced all my demons and believe when your times up your time is up.
I feel totally at ease with myself and should the worst happen then so be it.
I live in now time only and enjoy every minute.
I do sometimes read the secondary breast cancer section and could weep for the ladies who are going down that road but so many are coping and living there lives to the full as we all should do anyway.
I tell everyone who asks me that if I spend my whole time worrying it is a complete waste of my now time.
It could mean me being so distracted that I walk under a bus!!!
Jugsy

Hi

I think chat forums are a double edge sword. Yes there is a hugh amount of useful info and everyone is so lovely and supportive but there are times when you read things that are upsetting or can tip you into that dark place. I know a number of people going through treatment at present and none of them use chat rooms. Also do be aware that most of the people who use this site are newly diagnosis or going through treatment and I guess when treatment has finished you do move on.

Geraldine

Being a regular Well I know I’m one of BCC’s most regular contributors over a fairly long period. I first logged on in Feb 2004, about 5 months after I was diagnosed, and have posted regualrly ever since. I use the ‘other’ site less often and a couple of ones in the USA occasionally.

I’ve made a lot of cyber friends along the way, been through mastectomy, treatment for primary, 2 and a half years well time and now regional recurrence and more chemo.

For me communciation in the age of the internet is a real bonus though I’ve never used any non breast cancer chat sites. Along the way I’ve made cyber freinds and met some of them in real world life. And inevitably friends have died too…hard but breast cancer isn’t a cheery picnic. I’ve taken enormous inspiration from many who have gone before me.

I think we all take and give what is useful for us from support forums. I don’t think its a case of ‘moving on’ or ‘not moving on’…I think my partner has got to understand why I spend time on them and thinks its a bonus that I have this place. One of the pluses for me is the sheer numbers who use the forums…this means I think that I’ve got far more variety of contact so I can pick and choose whats useful to me and what’s not.

I was very interested to read in the latest BCC Newsletter that a research project is going to start on the use of on-line forums among people affected by breast cancer. Think this will be a really worthwhile study and can’t wait to be asked my views!

Jane

My sister’s sister-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer about a year before me and she never talks about it. She simply opted for a mastectomy with reconstruction (no chemo), recovered, went back to work and put the experience to bed.

She isn’t an inquisitive person by nature and seems to have no desire to find out anything more about bc than what she has already been told.

In a sense I envy her. But I can’t help but think what an enormous shock it will be for her if she has a recurrence or develops mets. I wouldn’t be surprised if she doesn’t even know that can happen.

I am the opposite in that I crave information. I was on the internet ‘diagnosing’ myself before I had even been to the breast clinic. If you’re that sort of person you need others who have been in your shoes to help you wade through all the literature and alleviate at least some of your fears. It’s pointless saying, “Don’t go there.” I will never be an ignorance is bliss person; it’s simply not in my nature.

I did well through treatment but am struggling now that I’m done. It’s not talking to you girls or reading stuff that causes me mental anguish - it’s everything else. It’s loss of friendships, strain on my partnership, menopausal symptoms, lack of understanding from the general community - things that would be an issue whether I came onto message boards or not.

If you need to talk, you need to talk. Burying your emotions is a guaranteed recipe for depression.

Lola x

In my case I wanted as much information as I could take in and wanted to be aware of things like risk factors to do with surgery and chemo, etc. I am also lucky in that I have a relative who is very senior in the field of oncology, so I have had support and impartial advice from him as a concerned family member.

I’ve been on one or two sites that I found a bit scary (I have to say American sites, not ones in the UK) and I just resolved not to return to them.

I am struggling I had my operation last October followed by radiotherapy for five weeks, which I came sailing through. But just recently have hit a downward spiral and just feel so depressed. Without visiting this site and making new friends I do not know how I would cope. I visit here everyday when I am up to it and not AWOL for a while, even if I do not post I like to read through all the forums just to keep in touch with everyone even if it is just a quick visit I really do get something of visiting. Hopefully I can bounce back but there is no way I could give up coming here and hope to be around for a long time yet. Stick with your own feelings and ignore everyone else, we all get comfort from different things in life and hopefully we can all move on but still stay in contact with each other in our times of need.

Take care

Elaine