Hello all. I’m Veronica, aged 54 and last Thursday I went along for a second mammogram and was told I have breast cancer. To say it came as something of a shock is an understatement and something I’m still reeling from.
I had my second mammogram and was then asked to go back to the waiting room where I sat with 3 other women, one of whom was quite upset as she had just had a biopsy. I didn’t even know what a biopsy was at this stage so sat and comforted her a bit until I was called in to see the cancer care nurse.
She showed me the xrays and said there was a small lump in my left breast and one or two smaller lumps under my arm and that I had to have a biopsy and then everything happened in a whirl. I get my results next Tuesday.
I didn’t know I had any lumps. I have never had children so never breast fed and have no idea if I have or havent been through the menopause.
I have a very supportive husband, which is the only good thing to have come out of all this so far.
I keep reading that if you have any lumps under your arm, you have to have the whole breast removed. This doesn’t bother me, they can take them both if it will mean I am clear. I am however terrified of operations and almost caused chaos when they tried to give me anaesthetic when I had to have a carotid artery unblocked, which caused me to have a stroke.
The cancer nurse has said it will probably be possible my husband can be with me when I have the anaesthetic. I don’t know if this is going to change things.
I’m sure I will have more questions so thanks for listening so far and I’m sorry if I have rambled.
hi Veronica and welcome - sorry that you are joining this club but you’ll find everyone very helpful and supportive. I was called back for a second mammogram,I had no idea that there was anything wrong as I couldn’t feel any lumps. Once you get your results (and the waiting bit is very hard I know) you’ll have a clearer picture of what treatment you need. You may very well not need a mastectomy, just a lumpectomy where only the lump and a clear area around it is removed and they will probably take a few lymph nodes from under your arm to check. Will be thinking of you - do post any worries or questions on here as you’ll get lots of help I know. xxchipperxx
Hi Veronica
Being scared of operations is very normal. I think what you need to do is think of what bit are you scared of? For me, I was terrified of being “out of it” and therefore not in control of what was going on. Also, I was scared of coming round before the surgery had finished! It had been some years since my last operation and I had exagerated in my mind how bad it was. Anyway, I knew that I had to have surgery - no option and talked my fears through with the anaesthetist who didnt seem one bit surprised. She assured me that I wouldn’t wake up during surgery and that she would do everything to make it as easy as possible. When it came my time, all the team were expectionally friendly and supportive and to be totally honest, I can’t remember going under and woke up so relieved. I will never fear another operation in the same way again.
Yes that’s the part I fear, being out of control. I wouldnt let them get the needle near me at first, i just panicked really badly. I had told them about this and they had apparently given me a mild sedative before hand.
I know it is crazy but as soon as they mentioned ‘operation’, I immediately asked what the alternative was. No need to tell anyone the answer to that.
Of course things going wrong scare me too. When I had my artery cleared, they said it could cause a stroke and it did. I am in terrible fear of something going wrong.
That’s the best I can explain it really.
I am an only child and I guess I feel more scared because my mam isn’t around to help me. It’s a childish thing I know, but it’s just how I am x
Hi Veronica
I just wanted to wish you well - this is not the best club to have to join, but there are a lot of good people in it. I hope you get plenty of support from it.
As Cathy says, maybe a chat with anaesthetist will help and in my experience, theatre staff have been just brilliant. I think the main thing is to be clear and open about your fears so that you can get the right support.
let us all know how you get on - will be thinking of you
monica xx
Sorry you have had to join us Veronica but this is a great place for info and support from people who are having or have had treatment so what ever worries or queries that you have about absolutely anything you will always find someone that will help you.
The waiting is the WORST ! Once you have your treatment plan in place I found it a bit easier, but the whole thing for me was totally surreal as if it was happening to someone else and the speed of it all made my head spin ! But Im now 7 months post diagnosis and out the other end.
As for the op…I hadnt had a general anaesthetic before ,I really don’t like needles and have a very low pain threshold and am rubbish at being ill,ok so I’m a big wuss ! I was literally having a hairy canary thinking about it all, however , I can tell you that the thought of the op was far far worse than what I experienced and actually had a great time in a lovely hospital and had a fair old laugh with my other inmates, so it wasn’t anywhere near as bad as what I thought it would be,all the staff were lovely and understanding and couldn’t have been nicer. Hope you have a “good” an experience as me, wishing you all the best ,keep chatting it does help.
I too was terrified of the anaesethic and operation - would I survive it? The fear is so much worse than the actual experience. Discuss it with the anaethasist/surgeon/breastcare nurse. I am sure they will give you a stronger relaxant before the op - try not to look at the needle etc - If your husband could be there and distract you it may help. I had to have a second op 3 weeks after the first and I was much less stressed before the second op. The waiting definately makes you more anxious though hope you are early on the list. Lyn x
Hi Veronica, I am so sorry that you have this awful news to deal with. I too am an only child and was 39 when I got my diagnosis over 20 years ago. I remember being on my own at a Breast Care Clinis after having ultrasound tests on my breast and the doctot there told me that she wanted me to go for more tests at the hospital the following day. I asked her if it was a cyst or what and she calmly told me " No you have Breast Cancer"…I cannot remember getting home…I had phoned my husband at work…long before mobiles were the norm…he told me to wait there…but I just wanted to get home and OUT of that building. I can still remember the fear…the being alone…HOWEVER…20years on and I am still here to tell the tale. The waiting for news is definately the worst bit for me. But we are here to listen and to help you if we can. Please let us know how you get on, best wishes Val X
Hi Veronica! It’s so hard to wait isn’t it! I too am waiting, but for six months as they couldn’t do anything at my second mammogram. As for ops there seem to be a good few people with have good suggestions here that I hope will help you. So I wish you the best with it all.
Thank you Val for your help. It must have been an awful time for you and I’m so pleased you recovered well x.
Thanks Aquinnah, yes this certainly seems a good place to come for support doesn’t it?. I’d be climbing the walls if I had to wait 6 months. I hope you are clear of this soon x
Hi Veronica. I too am 54 years old. I have two kids that I did breast feed LOL. Made no difference, I still got breast cancer. I was on my own too, not expecting that bombshell. I had a Mastectomy June 2nd. I have my 4th chemo tomorrow.
I am so sorry you had to join us darl. But you will find lots of lovely ladies here to answer your questions, and send a little love and support. We are all a little child again when we are told such scary things eh?
Keep your chin up darl. You are not alone.
Best of luck for your results. (((( HUG ))))
I’m sorry you got breast cancer too, and I hope your treatment is a success.
You’re right there are many nice people here. Thanks for your support. Will keep you informed. Thanks for your understanding too
Yes, I am climbing the walls a bit each day. As long as I am engaged and busy with other things, but then after…Unfortunately they just couldn’t get the ‘co-ordinates’ to do the core biopsy as the spot is so far back, near my chest wall, I believe. And it wasn’t for lack of trying - they didn’t suggest I stand on my head, but just about anything else. However, I have sort of been through it once before when they thought I might have ovarian cancer, due to having cysts. It took 18 months before I was finally discharged. I could survive that, though it was hard, especially in the beginning. Mind you I did then see someone who was an expert in his field, so the reassurance that it was unlikely to be anything arrived fairly soon.
Just today I rang the BC nurse to see if I can arrange to have my second attempt at a full assessment in January rather than December and mid Christmas period. If I can survive until 28/12 I think I can survive until 11/1. And then it feels easier to have to deal with any potential fallout.
Now that’s enough about me. I do hope all goes well for you. I have been impressed with some of the answers you have received, particularly regards how to manage the op. I do hope they will help you.
I’m so sorry for you Aquinnah and hope everything turns out well. It will be a worrying Christmas for you but lets hope by 2010 it will be good news all the way for you.
Yes, everyone has been so lovely here and obviously helped you too, so that is good. x
I hope everyone is going on as well as can be expected.
I saw my Consultant today and he has said I have a 2cm lump and something unclear in my lymph nodes. He offered me a lumpectomy or masectomy. I opted for the former. He says he will remove the lypmh nodes to find out what it is. They have not come back as cancerous so far.
As mentioned previously, I am not looking forward to the operation so want as few as possible, if possible!.
I suddenly have a lot of attention from nurses and feel like I’m about to drown in all this ‘understanding’. I feel I am still a bit in denial. This morning I said to my hubby while we were in the waiting room, I feel like i am going through a ‘this is what to expect if you ever get breast cancer’ act, and wondering through experience if you have done this and what happens next?
My op is arranged for 13th October. Maybe then, it will all become real?
Sorry to hear you have BC… You are right, it does seem surreal most of the time ( I am 7 weeks post diagnosis). I think this is because you don’t actually feel ill or incapacitated, so it doesn’t really fit with being told you have a serious illness. I have moments when it seems all too real as well, but I think I prefer the surreal ones…! I guess we all have our own ways of dealing mentally with this horrible shock.
I would like to add a few words of reassurance about your op. I am 43 and had never been in hospital before ( other than to have my 2 children). I was literally petrified of having the General Anaesthetic. My friend who saw me the day before said I looked like a “rabbit caught in the car headlights”. I told every member of staff who came near me how I was feeling and asked for a pre med when I felt I was getting too panicky.
The theatre staff and anaesthetist were great and were chatting to me about what sort of wine they prefer as I went to sleep. Less than 1 second later, I heard someone calling my name saying it was all over. It was NOWHERE NEAR as traumatic as I expected, and if I have to have any surgery in the future, I will not worry half as much.
I was so relieved after the op 1)that I had survived it and 2) that the lump was out that I felt really good for the next few days.
Thanks so much for your post. They seem to have been able to calm your nerves which is great.
I have yet to see the anaesthetist but I will let him know how I feel although this in itself will be a job and a half since it’s awful having to admit to something you feel you should be in control of isn’t it?.
I keep telling myself to snap out of it but, oh well you know. Hopefully I will soon be telling everyone how daft I was for worrying.
I am due a WLE and SNB tomorrow, so hopefully I will be able to get back to you and let you know what it was like before you have your op. I remember sitting in the waiting room, after my first mammogram and biopsy, literally shaking. I had gone there assuming it was another fluid-filled cyst and couldn’t believe what they had just told me. Scary!
Eventually, I think the mind just comes to terms with what is going on and, one step at a time, we learn to cope with whatever is thrown at us. The first diagnosis and the interminable waiting is absolutely awful, isn’t it?
Good luck to you and thinking of you all. Thank you so much everyone for the support you have given me.
