Hi all, I’m interested to hear of anyone who has, or knows of someone who has, gone on to have a child after being diagnosed with secondaries? I am 30, was diagnosed with TNBC last March, had all the treatment, it came back in June this year and in September I was diagnosed with secondaries in both lungs. My oncologist has said to forget having a child, but a different oncologist said it would be difficult, but not entirely out of the question in time, depending on how I get on with the chemo I am now on (capecitabine). I know there are ethical questions about whether it’s fair to have a child when you might not be there to look after it, but I’m just trying to establish whether anyone else has done it.
Thanks for any info in advance x
Hello
I can entirely understand and know where youre coming from, i got diagnosed when i was 29 and all i ever wanted was kids, but with further progression 2 years on and more after i opted for an oophrectomy in 2006 so hence no option of kids.
However, now nearly 8 years on and still fighting secondaries, I actually shouldn prob be here iv had 18 tumours that i know of and had ops, and treatment with spread from breast to bones, lungs and liver!!! but we are now actually persuing adoption. Have you thought about that? I have had a slight relapse this week but in terms of my progression its unchanged and i am stable thanks to RFA to my lungs n liver which has got rid of my tumours! (somethin perhaps i can pm you about gettin rfa to your lungs ? if youre not aware of it?)
i can totally understnad the need for your own kids tho, i wouldv done anytin at all to have my own, but to reduce my oestrogen was the most sensible option and i believe i probably wouldn have been here now if id not taken that action. So really just tryin to say, no youre not selfish to wanting kids and i do understand, but, with adoption you could actually get the best of both worlds - your health, future and a child!
xxx
I don’t know of anybody who has, but presumably with tnbc you’d have a better chance? I can totally understand where you are coming from and wish you all the best. I think I spoke to you on here some months ago when I was first dx, but hadn’t realised you had been dx with spread, and I am very sorry to hear about it.
Zippy, my surgeon said adoption wasn’t really an option now I have had a Primary cancer dx as they don’t let you. It was a throw away comment but it meant I haven’t investigated it further. I’d love to know more about how you are getting on.
Vickie
Good Luck whatever you both, francescap and Zippy, decide to do in the future. I knew 2 lovely forum members from the old BCC forums who did get pregnant. One lady, Shez, had secondaries before getting pregnant and sadly died just after her baby was born. Another lady, Sixpen, developed secondaries during pregnancy and died when her son was still a baby.
But francescap please do have a read of this heart warming link, a lady who has had lung mets for 20 years and who went through pregnancy and, as far as I know is still well. news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/5389426.stm
And Good Luck with your adoption hopes Zippy…xx
Take Care…xx
Belinda, that article just made me cry , but a happy cry. Thanks for posting it, I know that people often call us brave when we are dx with bc and going through the treatment, which I tend to think is not always appropriate as I didn’t feel I had much choice other than to do it which isn’t “brave” as far as I’m concerned. However this lady does seem to be very brave to me, what a wonderful story.
vickie
Hi Vickie, I often re-read the story, I find it so inspiring. x
Totally agree, what an amazing story. My oncologist has basically told me to ‘forget having a child’ but how can I? So glad to hear this lady has lived for a long time with lung mets too. On a happier note, I had my first set of CT scan results yesterday since starting chemo for lung mets - showed the nodules have shrunk by about half which is an amazing result. Am v v happy today 
x
Hi Francescap
Absolutely fantastic news about the shrinkage!! yey! i was on capcitabane for a year and it shrunk my tumours by half - what size are they now as u should look up Radio Frequency Ablation at University College Hospital,london (Im in dorset and requested a referral on nhs to uch) I only had the rfa done as my tumours shrunk by half on capct, so you sound in similar situation.
Thanks Belinda - about adoption process.
And Tors, the adoption question - well i enquired 3 yrs ago about adoption and ironically supposed be goin for the initial meeting on the day i got progression to my lungs ! was heart breaking. Anyway, in the summer immediately after havin rfa to lungs n liver which got rid of my tumours! and now off chemo and on hormone tablets, we thought we’d enquire again.
Well we were allowed to go to the first information adoption evening in october despite explainng about my breast cancer and they rememberd we’d enquired 3 yrs ago. The meeting went really well - only 2 other couples there that evening and not being biased but they were both well weird! and the adoption people liked us a lot! anyway, we had a home visit last week and the social worker brought more info and medical forms that ive yet to complete as they will look at this info first. But have fully explained i have secondaries and it seems there are 3 options possibly possible…the best first would be to adopt a child or siblings from 0-9 yrs old, second option permanent fostering of children 9-16yrs but no parental rights as they dont normally adopt over age of 9 but ther is a possibility, and third short term and respite fostering. So, they are saying worst case if my health is stable we could do short term fostering so if my health is affected then the child/ren is only with us short term and so wouldn hopefully have an impact on them, but if i could stay well then the permanent fostering or adoption may be an option!
But, ironically again a day after our visit last week I ended up in hospital for 4 days and had to have radiotherapy on 8 of my vertebrae as somehow i managed to get my nerve/spinal cord trapped but i have been told my cancer in my spine has not changed at all but simply given radiotherapy to reduce the existing stable tumours in my spine to free up the area causing concern. So am hoping the medical form fillin in will go ok!
There is an awful lot of information to learn on adoption and lots of courses that have to be completed and the process can take up to a year and we are really hopin that I can remain stable so that we can actually get on and start doing these courses, and then see in a years time how my health is going. However, we are very aware that it may not all happen and I would also not go through with it unless I felt it was the right decision as I would not wisj in any way wish to hurt or upset a child.
We hav just become grandparents to my stepdaughters baby who is adorable and we still have my eldest stepdaughter at 19 living with us, but for us to have a child (well I want a small family! dont just want one I want siblings all at once!) would be a dream.
Hi Zippy
Just wanted to say thank you for sharing about the adoption process. We were in touch not long ago about RFA as i had it on my liver mets last year. Im glad to hear your treatment was successful too.
I am now on bondronat, zoladex and arimidex, am NED in my liver and have also just been told that my bone mets (hip and left arm) are healing. Im 32, only got married last year and now three of my close friends have had babies this year I cant seem to stop thinking about it as i know my husband and I would be great parents:) My onc has basically said that I ahouldnt get pregnant as my bc is very hormone positive so we thought about investigating adoption but my breast care nurse said the bc means we wouldnt be considered. Your post has given me hope! If you feel happy sharing I would really love to know how you get on with the medical forms.
Heather.x
Hello ladies,
I just wanted to post a comment with regards to adoption after diagnosis. I was diagnosed in Oct 08, the same week my Oh and I were accepted for IVF to achieve our dream of becoming parents. My cancer was ER+. Even though my medical team said it would be possible to try IVF after 2 years, we decided to look into adoption. My fear, after reading many an article on the internet, was that they would not let us adopt as there was a risk I might not be around to see a child through to adulthood.
One local authority were not keen, while two other’s came to visit us and said they would both progress with an application as they base their decisions on individual circumstances. I dicussed my diagnosis with one of their medical experts, who confirmed she was happy to proceed. We put our application on hold as we were thinking about relocating, but a death in the family has meant all plans are on hold for now.
There is a bit of hope for us after so much pain and I only hope that it can be the same for many more xx