this is really weird for me as im usually so strong and didnt really cry when i was having chemo but its been 8 weeks since my op (breast recon) which went smoothly and recovered quickly, im now on last week of Rads, im also taking Tamoxifen and on Herceptin. About a week ago i started to feel very angry with everything, for example if i banged my toe it was a major issue, as well as feeling very angry with everything im also very tearful today and cried for three hours after seeing a little boy in hospital having Rads, he was looking very poorly and this just set me off and i just couldnt stop crying.

What the hell is wrong with me? is it the Tam tablets of the Rads making me a bit tired etc

thanks all


Hi Tracey,

At the end of a long road with no idea of what your reality will be like from now on? That’s how I feel and it makes me angry, tearful and frightened sometimes. Our whole world has been taken over by invasive treatment one moment and then the next we’re looking at a “normal life” ahead of us, except we don’t know what "normal is anymore!!! Just a guess, of course, but that’s why I get mad. It usually very quickly then becomes sadness. Having said all that, sometimes it is directly a result of my hormones – or lack of them. Either which way, I think it’s all “normal” in this weird journey.

LL x

Hi there

“normal”, i dont feel normal. I was given the all clear a few weeks back and yet its hard to push forward with all these scary thoughts, what if i eat this, what if i drink, whats that ache in my tummy, I know im not the only one thinking like this and im sure only time will make things easier for me but i just feel like an alien in my own body.
Hormones dont you just love em!


It is actually such a relief to hear somebody else say that. Every time I look at a piece of cheese I question if it will harm me… or stress over feeling stressed because that may harm me. Yes, I too feel the sense of “otherness” when I look at my boys playing in the sunshine, blond hair blowing in the wind. I feel like I’m already dead looking in on them, and I am reminded I am very much alive by the pain it causes me. Know you are not alone. A problem shared is a problem halved. We are doing the best we can. That’s all anybody can ask for. LLx

I am exactly the same and on Tamoxifen, I am so irritable with my husband, it really worries me as being his carer I need a lot of patience, and have not got it…mind you makes up for all the times he has been irritable with me in the past lol. Hugs Val. XXXX.

Thanks Val Hi there

think i will mention it to my Onc on thursday and dare he laugh or look at me the wrong way ha ha


Is it hormones? Hi there,

Forgive me, this is the first time I’ve done this!
The first thing I thought of, is that you will be absolutley exhausted! I had my treatments 4 years ago. But one of my vivid menories is when a 6 pack of Smiths’ crisps dared to fall out of the cupboard, so I jumped all over them, and then got REALLY mad 'cos some of the packets had BURST. Dammn them!
There is also the feeling that if your treatment is coming to an end where does the hospital support go?
I did a drug trail for Hereptin, and it made me feel like I had the flu for a few days each week.
I think everything you said in your message in totally understandable.
Tamoxifen made me understand the ‘layering’ system of clothing, because of the flushes, Arimidex has taken that away.
The next time you stub your toes - shout like at hell at the sofa!

Grief is real Hi Tracey

Hormones affect us. But so does life. It would be damnably peculiar to go through all this and not have emotions. I have found that I often think I’m cool, and then ‘opportunities’ arise for my emotions to tell on me when I’m not looking - I overreact to something trivial, I identify with all suffering (can’t watch TV), I fail to react to someone else’s death as I should because I am only thinking - well he was lucky it was quick he didn’t suffer. All these things are perfectly normal. It may well be easier and more convenient to present a brave face to the world, but not to ourselves - better to let our feelings out in the privacy of our own bathroom, so to speak.

That being said, the hormones probably compound things. So you have a right to your feelings. Also, the other thing I’ve found with all this is, the feelings aren’t like, logical: they’re not what I would expect them to be; it’s not like - oh this has been very difficult, boo hoo, sad, cry, oh now I feel better. It’s more like - anger, fear, anxiety, envy, self-loathing, blame, guilt, bitterness, pain, pain, pain, no pain, no feeling, and then it all comes round again. Unpredicably, in waves. That’s me, anyway; but judging from this forum it’s a lot of other people as well. Your feelings are very normal. Take it easy.


Thanks Janet Thank you so much for making me laugh with your packets of crisps, its mad isnt it how angry you get with a non living item, im laughing at myself as well because of the stupid things ive got angry with.


Thanks Snowwhite Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Its so good to hear that your not the only one experiencing these things. The forum can all help us from thinking were ready for the loony bin which yesterday is where i thought i would end up. Thank goodness today im feeling so much better and less teary but then i havent stubbed my toe yet which would make me very angry.
You would think that after being given the all clear that everything would seem like im living in happy land but im feeling so much more afraid of what i eat and drink and do and so many more other emotions then i felt when i had cancer, nobody prepares you for after wards which for me is worse.
Again though thank goodness for this forum.