I have recently separated from my husband. I would say he is the most selfish person I know. He even went to the pub on our daughters wedding day!!! Sorry but I will never forgive him for that.
I stop over at my house on a tue as I work nr by on a tue and wed. Just to save petrol and travelling time.
Tonight we had a really bad row which convinced me I did the right thing in leaving and as usual he was very nasty, trying to get me to do exactly what I’m doing now, self doubt.
Why am I allowing him to make me feel like this?
Since BC, people keep re-affirming that I am this wonderful person, so brave, strong, inspirational etc etc. Has this made ME selfish? Am I expecting too much from life and more importantly, from him?
Do you know what I mean? Do some of you feel you are maybe more important than we really are from getting lots of attention / care.
Is he just a silly little selfish boy whos is not longer the centre of attention?
Arrrggghhh, why does he mess with my head? Not stopping over here again.
Not really expecting any answers, just needed to off load, hopfully for the last time about him.
Hope you feel better for that sometimes just airing a problem helps. I dont think bc makes us selfish it makes us realise that we are important also - if that makes sense.
Not long after I was diagnosed I said to my mum that I felt I was becoming selfish… she laughed a little and said “about bloody time” and went on to explain that selfish people DO NOT worry about being selfish… think about it… its true.
Irene,
I’ve been reading your tale as it unfolded and mentally cheering you on! You are NOT selfish
Personally speaking, I have been in a bad and manipulative relationship and now am in a good kind loving supportive relationship…the difference is unimaginable and I feel truly that it is every womans right to a good partner and you have put yourself on the road to that wonderful place.
You ARE going to need to think of yourself more and use your life experience to determine what you do and don’t want from the future - it’s in your hands and you can do it!!
Sorry if that all sounds a bit Mills and Boon, but it’s from the heart.
love
Jan
Hi Irene, your husband sounds very much like a control freak. Yes it’s all to do with him not being the centre of attention. Before I got bc my brother had died 3 months earlier very suddenly of a heart attack. I had a boyfriend at the time who I had known for 18 months. He had moody, sulky tendancies but these all came to the forefront in the week after my brother’s death. When people came to see mum and I with flowers and cards he would sit with his head in his hands and not speak. I couldn’t fathom it out but then my cousin saw the behaviour and soon had him weighed up! He was a selfish, attention seeking individual. I finished with him after the funeral. He then accused me of being selfish! I’ve been single since then but glad he wasn’t around when I was diagnosed as things would have been much worse I know. Like Jan says you deserve better. Try to cut off from him best you can, I am lucky as ex lives 50 miles away. He doesn’t even know I got cancer.
Hi Irene,
Been following your dilemma on this thread and others, I agree with Liz, he is manipulative and a control freak, and of course it’s never his fault. I too recognise this because my ex was exactly like this, delightful as long as he got his own way, so in the end you stop disagreeing becuse it’s easier/quieter etc. After I left it was a while before I realised I was no longer tensing up at the time he usually came home, dreading whatever mood he would be in, and trying to keep everything on an even keel because of the children. People like this really do seem to be so effective at destroying self esteem and self worth.
Stick to your guns, things will get better, and if this is how he makes you feel you really are better off without him!
Good luck
Silver
Like the others I think your hubby is a control freak and very self centred. I was hoping for you that once you left he would see a bit of sense and at least try.
We’re always here for you and I wonder how you put up with him for so long.
Had a positive weekend. Met up with the Liverpool crowd and he travelled down with me doing his own thing on the sat. We spent time together and in company and there was a change in him that I am keeping a close eye on him, but not rushing back. He has been more demonstrative and caring too. We’ll see!