Is this 'it'?

Hi all,

have been ‘absent’ from this site for quite a while, not posting much, but reading now and again to keep up. Feel the need to be back now though, am feeling so low at the moment, and uncharacteristically negative.

My partner - diag last spring secondary bc liver mets had FEC chemo - has deteriorated so much and not sure where this goes now. Earlier this year she was diag with ‘minimal’ spread to the bones. Had radio, made no difference to pain, oncologist seemed unconcerned but we just knew there was something going on, persevered and she had ultrasound. At first this seemed really positive, as we were convinced that it would show that the liver had ‘kicked off’ again. At the u/s they said that the larger lumos that had shrunk with the FEC were stable, but there was perhaps some sign of a little bit of growth in the smaller lumps. We thought this was good as at initial diag, large lumos were the concern and they were ok, and the smaller ones were not as big as these larger ones had been last year.

On seeing the oncologist, we had expected him to say more radio, so it was a bit of a shock when he said chemo as well. Radio was done staright away, and chemo was due to start last week.

That didn’t go according to plan as she was too sick with Diahorreah and sickness possibly a 24 hr stomach bug. Her digestive system has not been right for a few months. She lost her appetitie, has lost lots of weight, suffers constipation. Gp who examined her last week said that there could be a met causing a blockage in the bowel, but that he couldn’t detect one on examination.

Now i keep having periods of thinking that the weight loss, lack of appetite, nauseau, lack of energy, breathlessness and slight wheezing and sleepiness are all signs that this is ‘it’. I know i should be being positive and believing that once the chemo gets started and starts working that she will get back to her ‘old self’.Last year even while on chemo she wasn’t this unwell and looked so healthy even with the large lumps on the liver. So why is she so poorly now? I know for her that she is in no doubt that she wants to undergo the chemo and we are waiting to hear when it will start, she is not opening up about any of her own fears at the moment so i have to keep mine to myself and it is so hard at the moment.

Am I being silly worrying at this stage when there is treatment she can still have? Or is it a real possibility that i need to prepare myself for that her current condition indicates a possible or probable decline that will continue?

This is so unlike me to dwell on the negative, so thats why i am so concerned, and i want to know if this is likely to be the ‘beginning of the end’ so to speak in order that i can make the absolute most of everything, which in a way we do anyway, but there are things she wants to do and i want to make thise wishes come true, and wonder if there is now a small window time wise to make these things happen?

T

T

i can’t answer any of your questions but just wanted to write back to wish you and your partner all the best and pass on a huge hug for you

you’re just being human- we all worry about what we don’t know and we all tend to assume things that sometimes can be right but are often nothing to be too concerned about. I’d address all your thoughts to the onc or ring the breast care nurse or even better contact the advice line here as i feel you might feel a bit better getting everything off your chest.

huge hugs again

Thanks for your reply Kelyn, may just have to try the advice line on here. Its difficult for me to ask onc breast care nurses etc as only have contact with them when with my partner and this is not the sort of thing i can ask in front of her, she just doesn’t want to acknowledge any such thoughts and i respect that. We are at the chemo suite tommorrow (finally!!) so perhaps once things get started I may get a better perspective on things.

T

Hiya Swizzelstick

Just want to wish you both the very best of luck with the chemo tomorrow. I think that going in for a second round of chemo (when you already know what it can be like) is a very brave decision, which I’m sure is what you’re telling your partner anyway. I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow and hoping it all goes well. Please do make sure that you find chance to ask about your worries; there’s nothing in the world worse than worrying without knowing.

I’m sure your partner’s BC nurse would talk to you privately on the phone. Even if she can’t discuss your partner’s condition directly, she might be able to give you advice about how to have those conversations together?

Take care. Stockbeck

Thank you so much Stockbeck. Well am glad to say that my temporary ‘insanity’ has lifted and feeling lots better. My partner’s chemo went well yesterday, no discomfort like with the FEC. She is making the most of it at the moment, she has been told that by Monday she will probably feel like a train has hit her! And despite the delay we will still get a whole week away in Norfolk as planned, it was very close to being a case of deja vu as we had to cut the same week short last year to get back for chemo.

Since her diagnosis last year we have been able to talk about all aspects of the illness and her dying, wills been done, funeral has been discussed, planned, songs added and removed etc. So its not that we can’t talk about things, its just that she has not able to just recently.

But it seems that chemo finally getting started has been a relief and she is much more her ‘old self’. Also we have an appointment at the hospice on Friday, and having access to their services will i think provide me with the route to getting the answers i am looking for.

T

hi swizzelstick,
just wanted to say i hope your partner finds some relieve from her treatment and that there is always someone here if you want to talk.
hopefully the hospice will be helpful and supportive to both your partner and you.

wishing you both the best

karen

Just an update. Sadly, all my instincts were right. After the initial relief that the chemo went well, 5 days later my partner was admitted to hospital and at that point was seriously ill. The cancer was by now extremely aggressive. After 10 days in the hospital and being told there was nothing more to be done only keep her comfortable, we transferred her to a hospice. Whilst they were able to keep her pain under control, there was nothing that would work for the after effects of the chemo, her mouth was full of ulcers and thrush and so very sore. Despite this she never complained and her last weeks were still full of the usual hysterical laughter. As much as we were deeply saddened that she passed away after 11 days in the hospice, we were relieved that she was finally at peace. We have a huge hole in our lives now, one that in time i expect we will learn to live with.

I want to thank everyone here on this site for the support i have received over the past year and send very best wishes to you all.

Tracie

Oh Tracie,

I am so so sorry for your loss. I can not even begin to imagine what you must be going through right now. I really don’t know what else to say, so I’ll just send you a mssive cyber hug ((((((((((o)))))))))).

Take care of yourself, my thoughts are with you and your family,

Kelly
-x-

Dear Tracie

Breast Cancer Care would like to express our sincere condolences to you at this sad time.

Kind Regards
Louise
Moderator

Dear Tracie,
My sincere condolences to you at the loss of your partner.

karen

Dear Tracie

I am so sorry to hear about your loss.

Thinking of you.

Love Anthi

Dear Tracie

I am so sorry to hear this news about your partner.

My thoughts are with you at this sad time

Anne

Dear Tracie

I am so very sorry.

I hope you will have many treasured memories to help you in the hard time of grieving ahead.

This disease is shit.

best wishes

Jane

Tracie
so very sad, I hope you get lots of suport to help you through this awful time

my sincere condolances

love Jax

Tracie
Thinking of you at this very sad time, I am so sorry.
Sending you love and healing.
Rosamund x

Tracie
I am so sorry for the loss of your partner, it just isn’t fair.
I hope you can get some comfort from all the lovely memories you must have of her.
Sending you lots of love and best wishes.

Debs
xxx

Thank you for you kind words. I have had tons of support and have lots and lots of special memories, we packed a lot in over the last year since secondaries were diagnosed.

T