Hi all,
have been ‘absent’ from this site for quite a while, not posting much, but reading now and again to keep up. Feel the need to be back now though, am feeling so low at the moment, and uncharacteristically negative.
My partner - diag last spring secondary bc liver mets had FEC chemo - has deteriorated so much and not sure where this goes now. Earlier this year she was diag with ‘minimal’ spread to the bones. Had radio, made no difference to pain, oncologist seemed unconcerned but we just knew there was something going on, persevered and she had ultrasound. At first this seemed really positive, as we were convinced that it would show that the liver had ‘kicked off’ again. At the u/s they said that the larger lumos that had shrunk with the FEC were stable, but there was perhaps some sign of a little bit of growth in the smaller lumps. We thought this was good as at initial diag, large lumos were the concern and they were ok, and the smaller ones were not as big as these larger ones had been last year.
On seeing the oncologist, we had expected him to say more radio, so it was a bit of a shock when he said chemo as well. Radio was done staright away, and chemo was due to start last week.
That didn’t go according to plan as she was too sick with Diahorreah and sickness possibly a 24 hr stomach bug. Her digestive system has not been right for a few months. She lost her appetitie, has lost lots of weight, suffers constipation. Gp who examined her last week said that there could be a met causing a blockage in the bowel, but that he couldn’t detect one on examination.
Now i keep having periods of thinking that the weight loss, lack of appetite, nauseau, lack of energy, breathlessness and slight wheezing and sleepiness are all signs that this is ‘it’. I know i should be being positive and believing that once the chemo gets started and starts working that she will get back to her ‘old self’.Last year even while on chemo she wasn’t this unwell and looked so healthy even with the large lumps on the liver. So why is she so poorly now? I know for her that she is in no doubt that she wants to undergo the chemo and we are waiting to hear when it will start, she is not opening up about any of her own fears at the moment so i have to keep mine to myself and it is so hard at the moment.
Am I being silly worrying at this stage when there is treatment she can still have? Or is it a real possibility that i need to prepare myself for that her current condition indicates a possible or probable decline that will continue?
This is so unlike me to dwell on the negative, so thats why i am so concerned, and i want to know if this is likely to be the ‘beginning of the end’ so to speak in order that i can make the absolute most of everything, which in a way we do anyway, but there are things she wants to do and i want to make thise wishes come true, and wonder if there is now a small window time wise to make these things happen?
T