? Is this living ? Or acting?

Public Archive
21

hello again

glad you got the chin up in the way it was ment i.e keep in touch via this side as I know you are not in this country at present.

Norberte sorry if you feel offended as I would never presume to tell anybody what to think, do, how to feel or how to conduct their lives. Especially in connection with something as personal and horrendous as breast cancer. Believe me my chin has been hitting the floor many a time, felt angry and a failure etc. and I am sure it will again at some point. We are all only human

Alanaa

22

Alanaa
Don’t think you should be concerned about offending anyone. I’m sure we all know it was well intended. On these forums we should speak freely and take bits and pieces of advice from each other. picking out the bits that help and graciously ignoring the bits that don’t. I’ve worried about this myself and when being honest about my feelings and my life expectancy, thought i’d offended another poster. Turns out i didn’t anyway but i was concerned for a while. What helps one person won’t help another and vice versa. Hoping that someone will keep their “chin up” is, i think, just another way of sending good wishes. My lovely GP said the same thing to me on Friday and she meant just that.

Sascha
I’m so sorry that you are feeling so awful and i think that Norberte is right when she says wait and see how you look and feel after surgery. Sometimes the dread of something happening is so much worse that the reality. Keep posting annd there will always be support here for you, whether your chin is up or down!

Good wishes to you all

23

Hi Sascha 
My suggestion is that if you are planning on going down the alternative route rather than the complementary one then you should speak to someone who is more of an expert in the field - you have talked to an expert in the field of conventional  medicine (your oncologist) so maybe talking to someone who is more experienced in the alternative field will be of some help to you
I suggest you contact the ‘yes to life’ charity
yestolife.org.uk/
They focus mainly on integrative care (integrating complementary and conventional treatments) but I am sure they will talk to you about using only alternative approaches if that’s what you want.
I think you should also contact the Penny  Brohn centre in Bristol.  
pennybrohncancercare.org/
They offer residential courses which are completely free of charge.  They do wonderful things - diet, supplements, meditation, relaxation and exercise along with counselling and complimentary therapies.  They also generally support people who are looking for complementary treatments alongside the conventional ones but I know that there are lots of people who go to them who don’t use any conventional treatments.
Hope you find what you are looking for
Hugs
Melissa

24

Hi again
Sorry I didn’t read all of the previous posts properly, I see you do think complementary is the way to go rather than alternive - the places I suggested will still be helpful. Also, if you are out of the country you may not be able to visit penny Brohn it I would really recommend you give them a ring and see what they can do. The staff there are so wonderful. I have been a few times, each time I arrived feeling like a tightly scrunched up sheet of paperl and left feeling all smoothed out and relaxed (and with a plan as well!!)
Hugs
Melissa

25

Thank you - had a long conversation with flower and do feel a bit better now - thank you everyone for your replies…

26

Sascha

I don’t feel I can comment on you wanting complementary or alternative treatment, as i wanted to have everything offered to me to try and make sure that this disease is gone once and for all But
I think you have been very brave in voicing how you feel about being “lop-sided” I was devastated when i learned mx was the only option I had, you have said so many things which I can relate to, things which i have thought but not voiced to anyone, and like you would rather no breasts to 1 breast, whats the point of having the 1?
After surgery I couldn’t look at the mx site, it probably took a few weeks for me to really look properly, I didn’t even like to touch the area, all i can say is that it gets easier, it really does. I’m now 7 months post mx, i’ve done the chemo and the rads, still on herceptin and tamoxifen, someone said to be early on in my treatment that this is just a year of your life, I thought the were talking rubbish but its true and i do feel that my life is mine again
good luck to you,

Gill x

27

sascha,
i was saddened to read your post on how low you feel,i once felt like that but i really believe your family can make a massive difference to how you get through this.do you get good support and can you talk to your family,have a rant when you feel like it?i found it interesting that you felt freakish,i wrote a poem about how i felt during the early days after a mx,and i called it the freak.but my family made me realise it doesnt matter what my body looks like,they love me,the person inside and they would be devastated if they thought i would rather be dead than here with them.will tag on my poem,its not great but it is how i felt at the time,good luck sascha,hope you get thru this and feel better about life soon,

the freak

I dont look in the mirror anymore,because i dont like what i see,
its a stranger thats standing behind the glass,looking back at me.
the face is the same,the eyes and the nose,and ive still got the wobbly bum,
the shoulder length hair,so lustrous and dark has now all sadly gone.

clumps of hair on my pillow each morning,strands of hair where my head lay
the chemo was cruel,the sickness intense,there were more bald patches each day,
would i have got through this hell each day without all my familys love
probably not ,i think that without them i would surely have given up

when the doctors removed both of my breasts,my life was changed for ever
would i ever feel like a woman again,for a long time the answer was never.
ive now gone full circle,can look at myselfand now i thankfully see
when i look in the mirror,tho a little bit changed,the person in there is me.

my body has changed but im now so alive my future no longer looks bleak,
i see myself now as the woman i am,im no longer ,in my mind,the freak
without my family id never had made it,id never have got through each day,
i know now my husband of 32 yrs will love me whatever,come what may.

28

Body image after MX will depend on lots of things… size of boobs before all this,age, normal choice of clothes et.c. But from reading your posts I think you will be so glad to be rid of you cancer boob that you might even be happy with it not being there. Will a recon be something you will look at in the future.
Good luck x

29

Sascha you are entitled to feel low it’s been a shock but I can promise it will get better. Take one day and step at a time, 6 months ago I was you and now I am back feeling more optimistic, lost a stone and feeling great. Positive mental attitude will develop as you complete each stage and you will feel better as you start to heal. As to medical issues it’s your body and your decision and visiting these forums can be rather depressing. Remember there are many options available and you can discuss these with your oncologist and nurse. I chose not to do chemo and my oncologist wasn’t going to push me into it and actually told me a lot of women refuse chemo, she was pleased though that I agreed to tamoxifen. My cancer is aggressive and once it was removed with clear margins I took the attitude it’s out and now time to move on. Radiotherapy is ok and you will breeze it. I look at my cancer as a time to wake up and concentration on me, I had neglected myself running around after my daughter and other peoples kids (I am a teacher) and the last 2 months I have started to focus on me- new figure, new clothes, new diet, new attitude! Good luck we are here to support x