Hi everyone
I’m booked to fly to see family the US next week. We have not seen family for over two years, what with the covid pandemic, a breast cancer diagnosis in August 2021, quickly followed by mastectomy, radiotherapy, Letrozole. Phew! What a surprise! What a roller coaster! Everyone said I was amazing, confident, strong, etc, etc. Now I feel like none of those things. I do not recognise who I am. Getting on that plane, going through airport, feels so daunting. I’m sure I will do it, as the alternative (not seeing our son and daughterand grandchildren) is not to be considered, I feel like I having a permanent panic attack. Has anyuone else felt like this? Does it pass?
Hiyer,
I can entirely see that everything feels daunting and its hardly surprising - even taking your BC diagnosis and treatment out of the equation - the world has been a ‘turned upside down’ full frontal anxiety creating place in the last few years for a vast majority of people. Add in what you have dealt with with the BC, and wow - yeah - major jitters are surely to be expected. At a time when you were facing, and overcoming a personal crisis, there were external crises (and still are) ongoing, so you know what - ‘wobbles and flake outs’ are allowed and I would have thought expected. It was August 2021 you were diagnosed, ONLY 7 months ago, thats actually a really short time-frame when coming to terms with all those changes to your body, the psychological aspects of a diagnosis and a treatment plan. (Btw, have you felt more emotional since the Letrazole?)
I am 6 years down the line now, and thinking back it took quite a while to stabilise into the ‘new normal’ (as they call it); the anniversary of the diagnosis was coming around, the continued background fears remained though diminishing, continuing checks by the clinic were reminders, the reminders on your physical body and in your mind are still there. This is why they run, through BC Now, the ‘moving forward’ course - because it is known that there is a need people have following diagnosis and completion of active treatment.
I actually think you are really brave in doing the US visit, not because I think you won’t be ok, but because you are taking life by the whatsits. I think an acceptance that you aren’t over this yet is healthy to have, and don’t expect that you would be. Does it pass ? - Yes - I can categorically say it does. However, the passing can’t be rushed sometimes, and its a slowly bit by bit kind of passing 
Here is the link to the ‘Moving Forward’ Course, which is currently still running as an online event (for the obvious covid reasons).
breastcancernow.org/information-support/support-you/moving-forward-online-course
x
Lacewing,
Bless you, you’ve come so far, and you probably feel that there’s nothing left to give, hence everything is daunting . But having come through what you did, and all its negativity , try to look at your trip as a ray of sunshine , tell your soul to skip with joy as you pack your suitcase, play some uplifting music and do a video call with your family, wearing an exotic brightly coloured hat, and exclaim out loud how you cannot wait to see them.
Think about your grandchildren, and focus on their faces as you imagine them running to hug you, imagine them opening any gifts you may have for them, imagine the amazing food you’re going to be having.
Breast cancer will never be able to rob you of who you are, it will never take away your identity, your purpose nor your personality and it will never change how worthy you are to your family. You are worth it.
In the meantime, let yourself have the occasional wobble, it’s all part of the healing process, and be gentle with yourself.
Take care
Trudy
Yes everyday has been a struggle. I also got through the year of treatment very well. But 2 1/2 years on my anxiety and depression is top of the scale. I’ve switched drugs bc and antidepressants and I feel worse it’s frightening and I don’t know which way to turn xxx