It just seems so unfair!

Hi Guys
Haven’t posted here for a while. Thought I was doing ok ‘getting on with my life’. I just feel so sad! I found out today that a friend with secondary BC is really sick and it doesn’t look good. We were both diagnosed together 18 months ago, we went through surgery and chemo together. She was node negative and I was the one who was node positive! she is Her 2- and I’m the one who is Her 2+. She was diagnosed with secondaries a month ago. She has 3 young kids the same age as mine. I don’t have secondaries (yet??). How can this disease be so unfair and so apparently random? It just feels wrong.
I know every case of BC is different but I can’t help comparing my situation with hers and it’s really confronting and frightening.
sorry to have a rant, think I’m having a bad day…
E xx

E {{{hugs}}} sorry to hear about your friend… your right it is unfair and this disease is frightening random…:frowning:


Hi E,

I am sorry to hear about your friend.

Your post struck a chord with me. I have a similar relationship with someone I met on my chemo ward. We spent the rest of our treatment time together,finished at the end of last year, and are now close friends. If anything were to happen to her I really don’t know what I would do. I think that I’ve come to see her as my ‘twin’ in a way, and that our futures are somehow linked, so I think maybe I know a little of what you are feeling.

I think it’s natural to compare your odds to anyone else you meet who has had BC; but I’ve tried to stop doing that now. As you say, it’s all just so random.

All the best to both of you, I’m sure that you’ll be able to offer her support in a way that no one else can…


Hi, so sorry to hear about your friend. There is no fairness in this disease it stinks.
I have had sec for 5 years and it is a long struggle with all the the awful treatments we have to endure, but for some they work and for some they don’t. Lets hope they can work a treatment plan for her that will give her the extra time we all want.
If I can be of any help just let me know.
Love Debsxxx

Hi E, so sorry to hear about your friend. I’ve given up on thinking what’s ‘fair’ anymore…I just think some of us get a cr*p deal at times. I’ve been living with my secondaries for nearly 6 years, at time of typing this I have no active cancer. During these last few years I’ve lost many friends who had younger children, were younger themselves than me. I feel guilty about this at times…but then I have a cr*p deal to.
I don’t know if your friend would use the secondaries forums here but we are always very welcoming and have a wealth of information, experience of treatments.
Take care of yourself…Love…x.x.x

Thanks for your messages of support ladies. Thanks especially for your input Debs & Belinda. I have been following your threads on the secondaries forums and I did tell her how supportive you all are on there and I encouraged her to go and look so I hope she has.
E xx

Hi E

No there is nothing ‘fair’ about this disease. In the last five and a half years since my primary diagnosis and through to now with incurable regional recurrence I have known so many women who have died. While breast cancer affects more women my age (60) than younger women…because younger women seem more likely to use on line forums I find over and over again that young women with young children are dying all the time. It breaks my heart is all I can say…and yes I do sometimes think I am ‘lucky’ cause I am still alive and didn’t expect to be on my first poor prognosis…and at least I’ve had 60 years of life…nowhere near what I wanted but those younger deaths feel so awful to me.

Ranting is OK…we need more ranting, more sadness, more seriousness, more anger, more action to push for a cure, and so much much less of pinkwashing.