It never really stops

Life after a breast cancer diagnosis Coping with fear and anxiety
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So its been a while since I’ve posted on here. Actually 2 years! Not sure if I’m posting this right. But just need to let my thoughts out. So I’m finding that even thou my cancer treatment was 4 years ago & I’m cancer free. The side effects of the treatment & I’m still taking tamoxifen means it never really goes away. It always feels like it has to poke its head up & get in the way.

I have been doing ok with life. I’m in a relationship, we have moved in together & apart from lockdown ect things are going ok. But then i had to explain my cancer treatment which was tricky but he was understanding.

It was later on when i had a complete melt down over filling in some forms that i had to try explain the cognitive impairment & my emotions which i believe is linked to tamoxifen side effects. It was hard to explain that sometimes numbers & facts get muddled. Then when I’m tired it gets worse.

He is helpful & now takes time with me if i need help filling out forms or checking numbers. But can’t truly understand what its like.

I also forgot myself, my own limitations. After lockdown I went back to work & also did cover at another shop. Not really thinking about how many hours. It was too many, i was tired from it. Not just physical but mental too. Felt like my brain was screaming inside my head .That was another thing i had to explain to people. I’m not as able as I seem. I cant do 30 hours a week. Which because I’m in my 30s, i should be able to do. Well that’s what people think. Explaining all the time that no i cant,  that even thou I’ve finished treatment there is still side effects. Its hard and frustrating 

I’m struggle with the fact that even thou I’m through my cancer treatment, the fact i had cancer and the lingering side effects never go. And having to copy with that.

Sorry worlds longest rant. But its been building up over a good many months. I should have talked earlier. 

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Ohhh mirkwood.

Darlin girl, I’m soo glad you posted, and DID have a good rant. You think “your” post was loong, should see some of mine!

What you’ve been through, when only in your 30’s, deserves a Delly “crikeybobs”, and huge HUG from me . Congratulate yourself in getting through what you have  It’s a massive thing for ANYone to have to go through. I was mid 40’s, with both of mine (06/07), so am a bit further on.

Glad you’ve found a good fella, and congrats on the moving in together. Soo hope it works out well for you both.

I’ve just posted this elsewhere. Am being an ambassador for Jaybro’s highly recommended read, which I hope you find helps get your head around a few things following treatment, and the after effects of it all.

workingwithcancposer.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/After-the-treatment-finishes-then-w….

I think it would be a good idea to ask you partner to read it too. It’ll help explain something about what it’s like

With regards you feeling Tamoxifen may be part of your feeling mentally “muddled” - other people have mentioned, they feel a discernable difference, if/when the “BRAND”/makers of the tablet is changed. Makes me wonder if perhaps changing to a different brand, trying a few different ones, may help you? It’s only a suggestion.

I also hope your employers can be, and remain, understanding of your issues. Perhaps a frank talk with your boss? Perhaps keeping your hours reduced for the time being, until you’re feeling STRONGER again?? 

Hope any of this helps, sweetheart, and you start to feel more up and able again. Keep posting when you need some empathetic EARS, hey 

Lots of love to you,  Delly XX

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Just joined the forum today and read your post. I finished radiotherapy in October and I’ve been back to work 5 weeks and feel exactly the same as you. I hope you have more good days than bad xx