It's really happening

Hi just wanted to say hello and join in the conversation, everyone on here seems to be really positive and gets on with things. I was diagnosed with invasive ductal cancer on 4/12 a 2cm shadow on my left breast, after ultrasound & MRI I had my results on the 18/12 it’s grown to 27mm . My op is the 3112 to remove the cancer and have a SNB, the thing is I’m writing this at 1.30am as I can’t sleep thinking about the op, it’s hit me today that its really happening soon and I thought I was handling it ok up to now, is this normal? I’ve kept busy up to now with Xmas,work, son’s 18th and been upfront with friends and family but not I feel a little bit lost at the moment with it all! Everyone I know so far as been totally supportive but I don’t want to let them down by being negative so haven’t said anything about the way I feel today, sorry to ramble on .
…hope you ladies can give me some advice

Hi Juliet49

Welcome to the BCC discussion forums, you’ve come to the right place for some good, honest support from the many informed users of this site who I am sure will be along soon to offer that much needed support. You are most welcome to call our helpline if you need someone to talk to in confidence away from family and friends, the helpline staff are here to support you through this.  Calls are free 0808 800 6000 lines open weekdays 9-5 and Saturdays 10-2 (closed New Years’s day).

I have also put for you below links to some of BCC’s publications you might find helpful.

www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/publications/diagnosed-breast-cancer/breast-cancer-you-diagnosis-treatment-future-bcc44

www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/publications/diagnosed-breast-cancer/resource-pack-primary-early-breast-cancer-bcc145

Take care,

Jo, Moderator

Hi Juliet xxx it’s normal to feel down - totally no need to apologise - I’ve been a right moaning minny on this forum because it’s one of the few places others know how you feel the positivity is great but I do think you have to let yourself go a bit of you feel overwhelmed x night time is hard - my op is on 12 jan and I had a horror dream last night but have woken up positive because that meant I actually slept!!! You will get through this - you are in good hands and I reckon a news year eve op must be the best omen hlong ! x try to relax today and I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow x hugs x sarah

Just remember you are never letting anyone down, you are just getting through this as best you can. I am a tiny bit ahead of you … Just had my op and waiting for 7th jan appt to be told/discuss radio and/or chemo … We can do this, and you sound like a really strong, lovely person

Hi Juliet,

 

I’m so sorry you’re having a difficult day, keep posting if it helps and know we will all be supporting you.

 

I was diagnosed with the same thing on the same day as you, but still waiting for results of another test before my surgery date can be set.  This is a whole new territory for most of us so I think it is totally normal to veer between being rational and pragmatic one minute, and overwhelmed and terrified the next.  Especially as things seem to happen in slow-motion at the same time as happening so fast.

 

I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow to wish you well and am sending you huge great virtual hugs today.  I think one of the best things about this forum, along with the enormous amount of information that everyone is able to give us, is that it is the one place where we don’t have to worry about expressing all the worrying thoughts that we all have.  You’re not rambling, you’re just saying it like it is without having to hide behind a brave face.

x

Sharon

You can only go so long being M/s  positive,  model wife/mother/friend etc and in a way it helps in the period waiting for surgery - but yes it is real and yes you are going to lose a breast or part of your breast and yes there still will be uncertainty after surgery whilst you are still awaiting results of pathology and more appts to agree any further treatment you may need.    Ladies on this site have all been through exactly what you are feeling and we all have different experiences - for me it was a total melt down at the begining I couldn’t do anything and didn’t want to see or speak to anyone as I was so upset - we have our own coping mechanisms and we are all different.  On the outside people may appear to be positive and there is pressure to appear to cope with this as nobody wants to upset friends and family and burden them with your own fears,   that is one of the advantages of this site you can say how you feel and you can be upset/angry/scared and no one with judge you and you won’t feel guilty about saying how you really feel.  It is a horrid time leading up to surgery and it is a horrid disease to cope with and its not weak or not positive to feel how you do - its normal and you need to take time out and be kind to yourself and help yourself come to terms with what is happening.  I will be five years down the line in January and never for a minute did I think I would still be here and fit, well and healthy -  there is light at the end of the tunnel  I promise you.   good luck with the surgery and for the future x

Hi juliet, 

I had surgery on the 12th, single mastectomy and sentinel nodes. Still rubbish at abbreviations.  

Today has been a sleep and feel miserable day but honestly the whole surgical experience isnt as bad as you expect. Pain is managed with voltarn and panadol,  drains were not very inconvenient. I went out to watch my kiddlets swim yesterday and flattened my battery, mostly I just get tired.

I completely lost it the day before the op. Was suddenly appalled and terrified. Having had my brave face on, getting on with things for the weeks beforehand, it just hit me too. The theatre staff are lovely,  kind and reassuring and you will be absolutely fine. 

These ladies here have carried me over the bad days. Here you can get real and not worry about upsetting your family and friends, we understand how you feel.

This whole thing is such a kick in the teeth.

Sending love , xxxx

Best thing I took to hospital was a chap stick. Xx

 

Hi thanks for all your kind wishes, support and I really appreciate all your comments. I felt better this morning reading all your replies -  it does help to know you are out there and understand whats happening to me.I slept in late today, not usual for me but have decided to chill today and stop organising, all your advice has helped me realise I cannot control this but its ok to take time out and let myself feel the way I feel.

This forum does help, its good to know you are out there and I can keep posting…thanks for all your good wishes for my op tomorrow , I too send my love and best wishes to you all and thanks for sharing your experiences with me, it does help to know you are not on your own with this thing. Juliet xxxx