It's sinking in. Now I'm scared

Me again. I was so positive yesterday after having BC confirmed. Spoke about it almost all day. Family & friends have been brilliant. All felt surreal and I was talking about it all quite matter of fact. Then late last night it started sinking in. I’m so scared. I don’t want to go through this. I know I am very lucky that I have caught this early but I’m just so scared of everything that lies ahead. I can’t stop crying now. I was so good yesterday. I was absolutely fine telling my kids. I have been completely honest with them about everything. But I feel I’m just crumbling now. I don’t want my kids to see me like this. I can’t stop thinking about it for 1 second. A bit of me still can’t believe this is happening to me. But slowly I am realising that it is. I’m rambling now, sorry. I’m so glad my mum and sister are here, they both live away from me. But already I’m dreading them leaving on Monday. I don’t know what to do with myself :frowning:

Hi Doodle

So sorry that you have to join the gang. It is indeed a frightening time & it will be hard to say goodbye to your Mum & sister on Monday. It’s still very new news to you & it’s the shock making you all wobbly at the moment. You’ll find now that you have the diagnosis your world will be a series of appointments taking you through the various treatments to get rid of this. You should have a BCN ( Breast Care Nurse) to help with guidance & explaining the steps & answering questions. You also have all of us on here at various stages of diagnosis/treatment/life afterwards & also an excellent helpline that you can ring for support on your journey. I find this site particularly good as everyone here understands what you’re going through & you can speak freely without offending nearest & dearests!

Big hugs for you x


Oh Doodles, big, big hug.

What you are describing sounds so incredibly normal and familiar to those of us who’ve walked this path. As I said on your other thread, sometimes it still feels unreal to me all this time later, but reading your post took me back to where I was in the days following my diagnosis - matter-of-factly telling those I had to tell but inwardly feeling abject terror. I have never been as frightened on my life as I was in those early days, and as you say, every waking moment (so 23 hours out of 24) my mind was racing with what if’s. But it doesn’t last forever, once you have a plan of action you get some control back and can begin to move forward, one small step at a time.

You will get through, but in the meantime, don’t be afraid to vent on here or to call the helpline people. There is no shame in asking your GP, or indeed any other doctor you see in the next week or two for sleeping tablets if you feel they might help.

The next couple of weeks will probably be a whirlwind of tests and appointments, but once you begin your treatment you will get some control back.

As the weekend is coming, try to plan some enjoyable things to do with your family - keeping busy is quite a helpful strategy for many people. It is OK to laugh and have fun, even to forget cancer fleetingly.

Take care.

Thank you both. It’s Sunday my mum and sister are leaving, not Monday. I don’t know what day it is! My mum lives in Spain, she is coming back when I have a date for surgery which I’ve been told will be end end of April. I feel guilty feeling so sorry for myself. I know it could be so much worse. I got the best possible outcome yesterday. I have caught this early and the consultant was very positive that it’s all going to be ok. I always wondered how people cope with things like this. I don’t think I can, but I’m hoping I find my inner strength soon!! I just want this out of my body!! I feel like I’m constantly checking this site too and I honestly dont know what I’d do without it. The BCN recommended it yesterday and was pleased when I told her I’d already found it.

Hi doodles

This is such a difficult time, as others have said, once you have your treatment plan, you will feel more able to plan but it takes time to come to terms with your diagnosis.

As twinky mentioned, our Helpline are a great source of support, so do give them a ring if you can, they’re on 0808 800 6000 and are open 9-5 weekdays and Saturday 9-2.

I also thought you might like to order a copy of our Resource Pack, it’s filled with information to help you understand your diagnosis, test results and the various treatments available. Here’s the link:

Best wishes


Thanks Louise. My BCN gave me’ a BCC pack yesterday, not sure if this is the same one? Quite a lot of info in it. Still making my way through it. Thanks x

hi doodles

i was in a total state when i was diagnosed on 20/1/2012. those on here who have helped me through each step know how bad i was. i couldn’t get out of bed. stared into space. couldn’t watch telly, let alone read a book. couldn’t even look at my 2yr old boy without crumbling into tears thinking i might not be here for him. yes, it has been and continues to be hard, but not like those first terrifying days/ weeks. the “staging process” an waiting for results are the worst. BUT, fast forward 10 or so weeks- ive got my diganosis ( stage 2b- and i am only 37) and i am off to the canaries for 5 nights tomoz to get some sunshine and rest before i start chemo. I could never have contemplated that those early days. i’ve also met some wonder people along the way- on these boards ( special thanks to Rev Cat!) and in person and truly think i have made some lifelong friends already!. Yes, it is awful. I still have down days, but you have no option - you need to deal with this, accept when you feel awful and sad and hard done by- i do. I also said to my bc nurse that i felt guilty when i didn’t think about cancer and she said that is a totally normal feeling. take care and post here when u need to- u will get the support x x x

hi Doodles,

It is all very scary, so your feelings are totally normal!!
At first it is such a shock and you are strong for your family etc, but when you are alone with your own thoughts your brain goes haywire with all the worries.
You do get calmer as once treatment starts you are in a whirl and don’t have too much time to think.
Please keep posting, take care and lots of hugs to you xx

It’s nearly 4 yrs since I was dx, but like you I really couldn’t see any positives. I created a file on my PC for my funeral. I really didn’t think I would see another couple of years.

Fast forward to now. I’m over the treatment and am feeling great. The future is rolling out and I’m part of it. I can now plan for the future and feel confident about it.


I think the worst part of it for me was telling my children and I don’t want them to see me in a state either but it’s so hard to keep my emotions in check too, I just burst into tears at the most inappropriate times.I’m glad there are other women on here that feel the same, makes me feel less stupid!

Hi all, I know what you going through it is a very scary time, I have been strong and upbeat since the mri yesterday, now I am feeling anxious and sad again, why me etc. My brother is here and he cant accept I have cancer which is very hard for me, he keeps on saying its only abnormal cells, i feel like screaming at him, I am having trouble acccepting it, so he should, i am like that crying laughing, shouting, i even joked with my boss earlier and said to him i will be working even if i have to have chemo and wear a yellow and green wig to work, our uniform is yellow and green ha ha…hugs to you…we all need to meet up and have a big hug…and lots of tea…xxx

It’s nearly 10.30pm and I’ve just realised today is the first day I’ve not cried since I first spotted something was wrong 17 days ago. I go for the results of my MRI tomorrow. It’s like I’m on auto pilot now, although I don’t know how I’ll be tomorrow when they tell me my next step. I know this is going to be a long road. Not sure I’m ready for the journey. Funny you should mention tea Lisa, I was just wondering today how many cups of tea I have drank in the past 2 weeks!! A lot!! And I don’t even normally drink tea lol. It scares me to think that life is never going to be the same again. And cancer is everywhere isn’t it??? Always on tv ads, radio ads, posters… You can’t escape it.
Love to all x

Funny you should say that Doodles123, i was working last week in a shopping centre and walked in and saw big billboard with race for life, then next day a band walked in, my colleague said to them you arent setting up next to us are you…he is very dry…ha ha…they moved on and they were busking for race for life…next day i was signing a customer up, i had a moment and broke, because a lady came running up to our stand saying can we have some orange juice as we are raising money for cancer…so yes hun it is everywhere…i have cried everyday since i found the lump 3 weeks tomorow, i drink tea loads anyway, but have drunk more tea than ever, i dont drink alcohol,but since this i have even craved a large glass of wine, but i wont as i know i would be too emotional, and it is still there tomorow. I feel the same way as you hun and wish i could turn the clock back just 4 weeks, having the support on here is very good though, where are you from, how did you find your lump…keep smiling good luck let me know how you get on tomorow…xxxx

Hi Doodles

Just to say I will be thinking of you tomorrow.

Getting results is always scary. However, I’m sure you will be fine. When I had my MRI in Feb, I got a phone call the following day asking me to go to the Breast Screening Dept. It turned out a small ‘something’ was noticed on my other breast so it was biopsied. That was a very scary time for me!!! Probably the worst! Fortunately, that was ‘nothing’ and benign!

What I’m trying to say (very badly) is that, had they found anything untoward from your MRI, I think they would have been in contact with you soon afterwards. So, I suggest all would seem as expected.

Anyway, it’s still scary. You’ll get there - some ups, some downs, of course. But, I will be thinking of you tomorrow

I’m due my Planning Session tomorrow afternoon, so it will be good for me to be thinking of you!!! Oh, and all of you, at your various places along the road…

Best wishes to all

Hi Lisa. I didn’t find a lump, my nipple inverted. I first noticed it on the 17 th of march (Saturday) and went to the doctor first thing on the Monday morning. He couldn’t feel any lumps either but referred me to the breast clinic, which I went to the following Monday. I had mammograms, a scan, then biopsies on the day and they told me then it looked like cancer but needed biopsy results to confirm, which of course it did(on the Thursday). Had my MRI on Monday. I’m near Glasgow. Do you have a treatment plan yet? I’ve been told I will need surgery, probably around end of the month. I should know more tomorrow. Another long night ahead I think. X

Chocdrop thank you for your comment. I’ll be thinking of you too. Funny how I think about so many people I have never met and I’ve only been on here a short while. I keep saying it, but I’m so glad I found this site :slight_smile: x

Hi everybody,

I was right where you are 12 weeks ago - I screamed cried laughed … in fact I was a complete loon - I still get like that but just thought I would say it gets copeable - if there is such a word - not better or easier you just learn to cope with it. I still ball my eyes out usually on the way home from rads - its just your life isnt your own anymore but all the medical profession are there to help you along your way. The help and support on this site has been second to none so keep posting thoughts and feelings - its strange because it helps to write it all down on here ! People always say ‘you will be fine’ yes I know that but I gotta get to that stage first !!!

Sending you all hugs gentle ones mind !!!


Hi doodles, my partners family are from scotland, his gran lives in pollock, love the silverburn centre, lol, let me know how you get on today, I have to wait till weds, and i am really worried, just keeping busy, and positive, and seeing people, Ermintrude, what did you have done, and what grade etc, its all still so new too me, its nice to talk to others, but what a club eh…lol…lots of tea…xxxx


I had grade 2 invasive so had wide lump thing with node biopsy - I dont know the slang on here either !!! I have completed 18 of 20 rads with 2 to go which are boosters, I am already taking Tamoxifen 2nd month in - horrid drug - and doing Okish - skin quite bad a boob looks like a walnut whip !!! Emotionally I am still in a state of shock life taken over by this club that we are all members of which none of us want !

Keep posting everybody I am always on here looking for inspiration and guidance as its wonderful.


how are you did the treatment tire you out, I dont know what they going to do yet, weds will know, i have been told grade 3 invasive ductal…xxx

i have to go back on wed to the breast clinic,i had utra sound and biopsy last wed, have got a 5 cm lump, and they also biopsied a lymph node they dont like the loook of,the connsultant booked me in for a masectomy for 3rd may unless the biopsy shows otherwise(his exact words), every emotion under the sun has been experienced by me this last week, to be honest i dont know how i should be reacting,my hubby called me wierd as i had a couple bottles of beer the other night,but now the realisation is sinking in ,i have 3 boys the youngest is almost 4,i can hardly look at him without welling up, thanks for listening ,