I have been on this forum for a couple of times now, and I find all the support I get amazing, you are all so supportive.
I have currently had an ultrasound on Tuesday that showed up something, like an enlarged duct, and need more tests for this, hopefully fingers crossed will be nothing.
But I just seem to be going from one extreme to another, I am so preoocupied with this breast cancer issue, that I keep looking on sites about it, and looking way to much into it all.
And I have got myself so worked up about me having cancer, that Im thinking the worst case, and that they say Im wriggled with it and that Ive so many weeks to live etc… Im so scared that it spread, even though I may not even have it, Im convinced in my head I have, and Im making myself ill with worry, which I dont need with a 3 year old son.
Im really sorry, if this stupidity of me thinking like this has hurt anyones feelings, im just worried…and this is the only forum I know that I can relate too.
Hello. One of the worst parts of all this is the unknown and the waiting.
This time last year I really thought that I was about to have my last christmas. I had been DX with a very aggresive breast cancer and could see no way out. I too spent ages on the internet frightening myself silly.But here I am over a year on and looking forward to next year. We have even taken a leap of faith and booked our holiday.
You are in the system and will know the answers soon. You may find that you are putting yourself through all the worry for nothing, but you may find that there is something there that needs dealing with. Rest assured that they will do their very very best to deal with it for you and once you know what you are facing it all becomes marginly easier.
Come back on here any time and ask whatever you want.Pm me if the forum is too public.Keep in touch and let us know what happens. We are all here if you need us.
Also since I had my mammogram and ultrasound done on Tuesday, my left boob which is the poorly one keeps hurting everywhere now, even under my armpit…Is this normal, I think I need a slap, dont I?
No you definately don’t need a slap. Stop being so hard on yourself.
I found whilst I was on chemo I imagined pains in by affected breast which drove me mad. My oncologist was great and did a fantastic job of calming me down.
Sorry to hear about your BC, your doing so well, and by your picture you look really well.
Its just nice to be able to off load all your worries and fears. Cant talk to anyone family or friend wise, as they either think your being irrational and stupid or worry for you and feel sorry for you, and thats the last thing I want.
I hate cancer, its the most horrible disease going, I know a few people that have died from it and know a couple of people with it, one being my dad, with prostate cancer, and now with me having my first scare, it has brought me alot closer to my dad, as I know how he must of felt too.
I would like to keep intouch with you, that would be really nice. Even if I dont have the dreaded C, I would still be happy to keep intouch with this forum.
I know it’s a worrying time waiting for tests then results, but you’ve done everything you can do at the moment.
There are so many different types of BC until you know what your dealing with you don’t know if you’re reading up on the right things.
I know it’s scary, I found my lump 2 months ago, and now after 2 ops I’m on chemo, and I still can’t believe it!!!
At the moment you don’t know, so it could be anything. Try to focus on other things, like your son. Put all your focus on him and xmas. Let him know he is the most important thing.
Please keep in touch, and I’ll keep everything crossed for you.
Its a really tough thing to go through, but I found the worry worse than actually dealing with the cancer. IF, and its a big IF, the news isn’t good, the treatment is great and very do-able. We all understand what you are going through.
hi I am at the end of treatment now and it is doable, so looking forward to christmas with my hubby and 2 kids this year, I will never take anything for granted again.
hopefully you will be fine, but your worries and fears are perfectly normal.
I know exactly what you mean about imagining you are riddled with it. When I was first diagnosed, before all the results were through, I linked every ache and pain I had with it and thought they must be caused by the bc. They weren’t. The hardest thing is remaining calm while you wait. We all know. Don’t read too much at this stage, not unless you need to, which we truly hope you won’t.
You are not being daft or silly. Speaking for myself the most terrifying time was waiting to find out if I had bc. As it happens I did, you may not have it. I too trawled the internet and was shocked to read about the statistics, the fact that there is no cure and I’ like you was convinced that I would not live long. Once I started treatment I felt better, well who wouldn’t. Having treatment gives you back a little control. Remember it may be nothing. I knew. I knew from the secomd I saw the dimple in my breast that I had bc. So I read as much as I could and frightened myself silly. I am three years on now and the fear is still there. Fear of recurrence but it is on the back burner. It is part of me now. This is my life. I will always live with this in my life. You may never be where I am and I really hope it is something innocent. I needed this site so much and to a degree still do. It was my lifeline. Please write in with your fears there is always someone here to help and listen. Good luck try not to worry too much love Eileen
hope things go well for you and it isnt anything sinister. you defo arent being silly, i did and still now to some degree 2 years later worry myself and family silly panicing over every ache and pain, its hard not to, but its alwyas there but at some point and for some points in time normality hits in. Got everything crossed for you that its nothing, either way let us know xxxx
Hi Jooetegenn,
No I don’t think you are silly but you can’t stop yourself from worrying can you? But like evryone says it is early days yet and I don’t think you should read too much on the web because you will be thinking it all relates to you…and it doesn’t. Sometimes it is easier to talk to women like us who remember well what it feels like to have something like this hanging over us…without worrying your close friends and family. Nomatter what the outcome, we will be here to support you. I really hope it is good news. Enjoy this special time of the year with your wee boy…there will be more Christmases to come… meantime just try to take one day at a time. And come on here anytime you take a wobbily. There is always someone on here, even in the wee small hours. Love Val Xx
Thanks for replying to my message, I just found yours. I know exactly what you mean about this board, it is fantastic and supportive and the ladies on here know what you are thinking and it is really helpful, I think, that everyone is at different stages of diagnosis and treatment. I hope, I get the all clear and like you would like to remain about on the site, becasue a ‘scare’ is frightening enough.
I know ‘we should remain positive’ and I was one of those nice / horrible people who said ‘be positive’. But last night my mum and my aunty dora really got on my wick, they are being lovely and supportive. But i feel if I go for my appointment and the dr says I have BC then I want to be ready (I know I won’t be). But I discussed with my sister & hubby if it was BC (I have long hair) that every 2 / 3 weeks I would go for my hair to be cut shorter and shorter so if and when if fell out people (and me) would be used to it. A sort of a cheer me up thing. Hubby and sis, were great, but my mum and aunty dora where ‘oh, you shouldn’t think like that, think positive’. I know I sound uncharitable but it really annoyed me. The other thing I have planned from talking to my sister today is I’m 40 in july and when my sis comes to visit (we live 250 miles apart) she always has to bring her family, lovely as all my nieces and nephews are, I never have me and sis time. So I’ve said for my 40th I just want her and my hubby for a w/e selfishly to myself. She thought it was a fab idea. Whether its just breast mice or cysts and not bc, I’m still crapping it.
