JOCLARE Hi Clare - it would be wonderful to be able to email - not sure how to sort out though.
I am sorry that your mum died in such circumstances - in someways I can see that you must feel even more cheated as she was doing so well but in otherways you didnt have the dark cloud hanging over you waiting for her to die. Either way losing your mum that you are so close to is heartbreaking and something that I feel you never recover from.
I thought I was doing ok and when I think back to the night she died of how calm I was when the nurse said that she was unlikely to live through the night I can believe it, I am not a very calm person and lose my patience and temper very quickly over the most silliest things. I promised that after mum died that nothing silly would bother me again as it couldn never be as bad a losing mum but I seem to be getting worse. I think this is how I am coping and I suppose a way my body releases the stress ? I am hoping my family can put up with me !
I do have a dad and a brother but wouldnt say I was particulary close to them in the same way as I was with my mum. They are coping ok but are typical men in that they dont want to share their feelings. I also have a very supportive husband who tried to keep positive and upbeat all through my mums illness. I would relay that attitude to my mum but in secret I was very negative and could only think of all the bad things that could happen.
I really do feel my mum watching over me - at the funeral I thought I would really lose it but felt a strange calm come over me and I was even able to read out a passage during the service-I know she was listening. I would love to visit a medium but feel its a little too soon at the moment.
We are celebrating xmas as usual but before then we are all going to centerparcs this weekend for a well earned break.
I hope we can keep in touch Claire- take care and hope your good days continue to increase.
love Sharon x
ps talking about songs have heard the latest Christina Aguilara track -Hurt ?some of the words really make me cry.

Hi Sharon

I havent heard that Christina song yet but my sister has, she was listening to it on the way to work and it made her cry too. Isnt it odd how a song can do that to you.

Bet you are really looking forward to going to centerparcs, which one are you going to? We went to Longleat in March with my parents, myself and my sisters took them as a suprise. We booked a normal cabin but when we got there we had been upgraded and had an outdoor hot tub! It was amazing and really relaxing. I am off to Rome next week for 3 days as its my wedding anniversary, I am really looking forward to that.

I also have a really supportive husband, he sounds much like yours and was also very positive and upbeat about my mums outlook. This got on my nerves somewhat as I was well aware of what the eventual outcome was going to be, but he kept saying it wouldnt come to that. I knew it would though and used to get a bit cross. We have been together 10 years though, since we were 16, and he has grown up with my mum, he was really close to her, so he knows somewhat how I feel I suppose.

I was also very calm and collected at the hospital, which is totally unlike me, I am normally very panicky and worried and I also loose my temper very quickly, but straight afterwards am back to normal which annoys my family! On the day that they told us that my mum wasnt going to make it and we were going to have to turn off the ventilator I very calmly called all our family and her friends to tell them to come and see her. I never imagined I would be able to. I was also very calm at the funeral. I try and be the same as you, that nothing should worry me anymore as nothing can be worse than loosing your mum, but I am finding it hard. For some reason I am now fixated on something happening to my dad or my sisters or my husband. I am really concerned about loosing my husband while he is young even though there is nothing wrong with him! I am hoping that this is just a natural reaction to someone so close to me dying.

Anyway, I have rabbited for long enough now. Hope you are having a good day today. Keep in touch.

Love Joanne xx

Hi Claire
We sound so much alike I cant believe it! I too worry constantly about losing my husband or daughters (16 & 8 years old) I think that is only natural as once you lose someone so important to you, you realise how “easy” it happens so presumably it can happen again. I think up until that point you think these things only happen to other people.
My husbands constant positive comments got on my nerves and I remember when I told him she had died(he couldnt be with me as he had to stay with my daughters as it was early hours) he didnt seem to believe it.
You are a fair bit younger than me ( I am 40 in Feb) and I am fortunate that my mum got to spend so many years as a grandmother to my girls. You are far too young to lose your mum and my heart really feels for you. Having said that my nan(mums mum) lived until she was 90(only actually died 18 months before my mum)so my mum had her for nearly an extra 30 years-when you look at it like that you really start to feel cheated. All my friends still have their mums and I was hoping to take her out when she was older like she did my nan.It is sad that I wont see her as an old lady however she was very beautiful and young and heart and that is how I will remember her.
Anyway thats enough morbid stuff -We are going to Elvenden Forest - really looking forward to it. Lucky you going to Rome, hope you have a wonderful time.
Speak to you again next week after our little breaks.

Take care
Sharon xx